The Past,.....

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by olsonski, May 31, 2011.

  1. olsonski

    olsonski New Member

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    My sexual history is pretty tame compared to most and I sometimes date women that have had a much different past than mine. It brings up discussions because I am curious and I sometimes feel turned off by girls have done even years ago.
    So right now I am seeing someone that has been open and honest with me and I am wondering if I am being paranoid or if I have realistic concerns?
    While she was in college her best friend was dating a guy and they later married. She is still best friends with this girl. While her best friend was dating him she and the bf had a drunken night where they had sex which turned into 2 years of nsa sex. The best friend still has no idea and the girl I am dating had a huge amount of guilt over the situation. She says even if the guilt kills her she would rather live with it than tell her best friend and ruin her family (husband and kids). In turn this girl has low self esteem and also at one point she claims it led to an eating disorder.
    I do not support ruining someones marriage or life, but at some point I think the truth needs to come out.
    Any opinions?
     
  2. nurseharley

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    I agree at some point it should come out, for the wife's sake. This is not a "friend" I would want to have around me anymore, or my family. How long ago did they stop sleeping together? I don't understand how you can do something for two years straight and then let the guilt overwhelm you. Two years is quite a long time.
     
  3. olsonski

    olsonski New Member

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    6 years ago
     
  4. nurseharley

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    i think she should have said something a loooooong time ago. if it was eating away at her so much, why not just be honest with herself and her friend? on one hand, it seems like its something that happened so long ago that the ship has sailed now. on the other, the point is it STILL happened, no matter how long ago. personally i think if this is really her friend and someone she cares for, she'll admit it. its going to cause a lot of hurt and pain but shes already causing it for herself and rightfully so.
     
  5. olsonski

    olsonski New Member

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    I agree,
    but convincing her is another matter and near impossible!
    I do know if I ended up marrying someone with that guilt I would never want to see that best friend and husband she slept with!
     
  6. nurseharley

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    its something she's going to have to decide and do on her own. granted, shes been holding this in for a total of 8 years? so i wouldnt expect anything soon
     
  7. olsonski

    olsonski New Member

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    Agreed....
     
  8. olsonski

    olsonski New Member

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    Something else that puzzled me, when she was 25 she started hanging out with her Father's buddy who was 55. She eventually had a 2 month long sexual relationship with him until he asked to marry her and she ended it. Is that uncommon for a young girl? Seems like it to me!
     
  9. nurseharley

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    I'd say yes, it is uncommon. Sounds like this girl doesn't exactly like commitment. Do you feel like this is someone you could have a successful and trustworthy relationship with?
     
  10. Meee

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    I don't understand the part about you being paranoid. What are you thinking you might be paranoid about?
     
  11. olsonski

    olsonski New Member

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    Well I like this girl and I love spending time with her. I am wondering that I may be judging her too harshly on her past, maybe paranoid was the wrong word?
     
  12. olsonski

    olsonski New Member

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    Basically she claims she used to be more wild and she has settled down. I wish she was a little more wild because she is uneasy about trying the things I'd like to be doing- anal, dirty talk, being more aggressive.
    I don't think she has commitment issues. She has had some long term relationships. Trying to decide if she is someone I will want to be with long term or not.
     
  13. nurseharley

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    http://www.sexualforums.com/31967-this-sucks.html
     
  14. olsonski

    olsonski New Member

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    You're telling me
     
  15. nurseharley

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    no, its a link. clickity it
     
  16. olsonski

    olsonski New Member

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    I did. I'm surprised you remembered that. Are you stalking me?
     
  17. olsonski

    olsonski New Member

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    I'm guessing you are referring to my need to build a relationship?
     
  18. nurseharley

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    from the other thread
    thats what i mean
     
  19. olsonski

    olsonski New Member

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    Well the relationship part is going very well. Now I am wondering about the sexual. LOL
     
  20. Meee

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    Low self esteem. Eating disorder. Guilt. Not knowing how to handle the guilt. A history of relationships that can't go anywhere. And now she's in a realationship where the guy has expectations that make her uneasy. I think she should get counseling.