The million dollar question: can ANYONE figure this one out? (Orgasm issue)

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by jimmytucan, Oct 18, 2007.

  1. jimmytucan

    jimmytucan New Member

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    Okay, this is the million dollar question. IF someone here can figure this out, I'd honestly give you a million bucks if I had it!

    I made a post about this here about 1-2months ago, and tried everything in the replies but still no good, so here is my attempt again. I'll re-explain the whole situation so we don't need to go find that old post again.

    I've been going out with my current girlfriend for about 10 months now. She has never orgasmed before. We've tried -everything-!!! Oral, Fingers, Rubbing, Vibrators, Sex, Anal Sex, EVERYTHING!

    It came down to this realization: If she can't orgasm by her own means (masturbation) then chances are I'll never be able to make her orgasm.

    She's never orgasmed through masturbation. Here's what happens every time:

    It feels good for a bit, then she says it peaks and it just doesn't feel like anything anymore. She goes until she gets too tired, and then stops. Same thing happened when I tried or went down on her, it feels good for a bit, then she tells me to stop and pulls me away because it doesn't feel good anymore.

    Then we tried this: Every night before going to bed, we designated a good 20minutes to her masturbating, thinking that it just takes time for her to learn how. We did this every night for about 2 months, and it was the same result each time.

    Now, she doesn't even want to do it anymore because she's basically given up. I've caught her a few times in our discussions about this saying, very naturally, ".... yeah but i can't orgasm". It feels like it is her default mentality these days.

    I feel really bad for her because I want her to be able to orgasm! I don't know what else I can do, I have tried everything that has been said online: Give her time, take it slow, make sure she's comfortable, make sure she can bring herself to orgasm, don't pressure her, EVERYTHING! Now we're at the point where even SHE doesn't want to try getting to her 'O'.

    And that's not the end, recently we've noticed that when I enter her (with my penis or with fingers) it hurts, and I have to stop almost instantly (maybe after a couple of minutes). And it hurts/feels sore afterwards. This never happened before either :S

    Lastly, the last time we actually had sex, she got embarassed because she got extremely wet (soaked up the whole bed pretty much) so she has been putting that off too, and I of course don't say anything and I support her in every way that I can -- but I think this is becoming a really dangerous issue for her. I complement her in everyway, she knows she has a really great body (she runs 5k every morning on weekdays), and knows she isn't ugly or overweight, etc.

    The ONE thing she enjoys doing however, is something she says she's been doing since she was really young (~11-12 years old)! She wraps the blanket between her legs, and puts her hand pressing inwards from the outside of the blanket, lies on her stomach, and uses her legs to kind of push and rub herself against her hands through the blankets, and she says she can do that for hours if she could... it totally exhausts her and she moans like theres no tomorrow, and her heartrate goes through the roof. Again, no orgasm comes from this, and she can only do this about 2-3 times before she gets fully exhausted and then goes to bed.

    At this point, I've exhausted all my options. The only thing I can do is just wait and give her even more time, but how can I do that when even she seems to have given up?

    -A very saddened Jimmy.
     
  2. jimmytucan

    jimmytucan New Member

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    Also, she's 22... and it's not like shes only started trying to O recently... she says shes been trying (through masterbation/previous partners/etc) since she was young, when all her friends started talking about that kind of stuff in school... =/
     
  3. vampire raver

    vampire raver New Member

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    My suggestion is to completely forget about what you are trying to do it will be hard but forget about sex well don't forget about it but have sex in a loving way don't worry about orgasoms hold each other love each other. That is the main reason for sex anyway to feel one another and love one another. So drop the issue and tell her to drop it too give it a good half year. I know that sounds like a long time but it won't seem like a long time if you, what "everyone" thats right, forget about it. Sometimes when you try to force something in won't fit but if you let off the pressure it slides right on through. Besides you guys are a young couple you will have plenty of stress ahead of you without having to worry about the one thing in a relationship that is actually enjoyable. Not to say relationships aren't enjoyable but people who normally hate each other always come together during sex. Pun intended.
     
  4. Babiegurl

    Babiegurl New Member

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    I agree with Vampire You cant have that be the reason for sex. Just enjoy eachother and it just might come natually if you stop focusing on it. I can tell you that I dont get off everytime I have sex and honestly it doesnt bother me as much as it used to because I know I'm having a special moment with my husband that we dont have every single moment of the day. Let her know that you love her and try to make sex as satisfying for the both of you with or without an orgasm. Maybe since you both are focusing on it so much its hard for her to get off... Shes on the right path though. Take it slow and let her body relax. I wouldnt force it anymore, there is plently of intimate stuff you can do and still be happy in the end. Also when I get really wet I just put a towle under myself, its can be embarrassing at first but if you reasure her that its natural then she might not be so shy about it. You dont get wet unless something is being done right! LOL Best of Luck!
    BTW have you tired a toy? I know I cant get myself off with just fingers, but a toy might do it, try a bullet.
     
    #4 Babiegurl, Oct 18, 2007
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2007
  5. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    Maybe she should go to a sex therapist or the womens clinic those are some suggestions. ( I say that because shes starting to get hurt from penetration)

    But as everyone else has stated stress only worsens the situation.


    http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/articles/orgasmic.html i found that interesting about your situation.
     
    #5 Kahurin, Oct 18, 2007
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2007
  6. raver_scott

    raver_scott New Member

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    Her frustration might be preventing her from coming. Let it not be your motive of your lovemaking. It's just the icing of the cake. I hope she's not frigid though...