[Ask a Girl] The intimidation factor.

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by young_gun_91, Dec 13, 2010.

  1. young_gun_91

    young_gun_91 New Member

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    So before I explain my question, I'd just like to say sorry for fading away from this board almost as soon as I signed up. I had computer issues for awhile, and after I got it fixed recently I was out of the habit of logging on here. Now I can post here more often.

    Before you read my long post, just know that this question is for anyone but could be best answered by a girl currently between the ages of 18-21. If you're 31, 41, 61, a guy...feel free to answer, I just say 18-21 because I want to know how the modern-day young chicks feel about this.

    I'm 19 and starting college next month , at a community college. While I'm of course looking forward to the academic/career/life opportunities there, I'm of course also looking forward to something else - girls. As much as I'd love to meet the love of my life, I realize those things don't happen fast. :lol But I really want to meet and interact with girls there, since it's a diverse school with plenty of girls and all (holy hell, I sound like a polite version of Motley Crue). Now, the thing about me is that I'm a virgin. But not only am I a virgin, I have never even held hands with a girl. The most contact I've had was kind of putting my arm around this girl's waist/butt. So yeah, I'm a super virgin.

    I've been a recluse for the past 18 months. Whenever I do go out, it's me by myself. I lost contact with nearly all friends. So I'm really starting over at college. I'm now becoming intimidated that I don't have enough experience with the ladies. I'm worried that none of 'em will like me in the first place. I'm worried if I do get in bed with one I will be so lame at sex that they'll think I'm a joke. Which contradicts who I am, a very sexual person. I don't want to date/bang/marry some prude that doesn't like sex. That's not for me. As you could guess by me being on this site.

    So what do you guys think? Will girls freak out when they find out that I'm not only a virgin, but haven't even kissed a girl? Will they even need to know beforehand...or will it be obvious? Guys usually think I'm some kind of ladies' man but that's probably a different story.
     
    #1 young_gun_91, Dec 13, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2010
  2. too_thick

    too_thick Member

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    Might be because it's A skill that is learned in middle/high school.

    I have some experience, but not a whole lot.
     
  3. SteveWaste

    SteveWaste New Member

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    Young Gun,

    This is the part where, if you were here with me, I'd slap an arm around your shoulder, sit you down, and slide you a Coke. Just for reference, I was a virgin when I left for college too. Now I'm sittin' pretty with the girl of my dreams.

    The best advice I can give you is break out of your pattern right away. Here's what it's going to be like at college. You're going to be on a dorm floor with a bunch of other guys who are loud, friendly, and are constantly looking for 3 things: Food, Something fun to do, and Girls. Meet these guys and open up to them right away. Don't be shy about accepting invitations. In fact, I wouldn't seldomly turn down any at all, even if you don't really feel like going to do something; go and do it anyway. 9 times out of 10, you'll be glad you did.

    There will be guys on your floor looking for other guys to go to the gym with. Go to the gym with these guys. Guys going to the gym together is several things: male bonding, forced conversation, exercise, and social connection. When guys are at the gym they talk about everything, including where they're going and what they're doing this weekend. This is where you'll get invited to go places. And when you get invited, GO. If you're invited to a party somewhere or a social event, go around to other guys and girls, shake hands, make eye-contact and introduce yourself. Make sure you tell people who you are. And make sure to meet whoever's the owner of the place you're at. It's polite and is viewed as a respectful thing.

    The more social events you go to and the more time you spend with your floor mates will help you to open up more and more. You'll feel less nervous and girls will more openly talk to you. If you're really hitting it off with a girl, you can tell her you're a virgin. Really no one cares as long as you don't act like you care. Remember it's just one more thing about yourself. I'm Young Gun. I'm 19 years old, I'm a college student, I like meat on my pizza, and I haven't had sex with a girl yet. I wouldn't even be shy about telling your friends on your floor. Odds are, the more friendly ones will make it a mission to help you out.

    Honestly, some of the pitfalls you can fall into your freshman year are these:
    1. The first 2 weeks, don't play any video games unless you're playing with someone on your floor, and definitely don't do it everyday. Don't play after dusk on the weekends. You'll build a pattern of "staying in" that you won't break.

    2. Never reconcile to eat alone. There is always someone who wants to go get food. This is a chance to chat and see what's going on with other people on the floor or with events that are happening soon; parties/classes/games/etc...

    3. Take it easy on the drinking. I didn't drink hardly at all my first year at college. You don't have to take it that far, but drinking excessively can often lose you more friends than it'll gain you.

    4. Get out of your room. Everyday for at least a couple of hours outside of going to class, get the hell out of your room. Walk across campus to eat at some other dining hall. Go to the Student Union to see if any thing's going on. Walk the dorm floor and look into people's rooms for any fun that you might be able to get in on. Gather up some guys and go to the gym.

    5. Sit next to girls in class. Introduce yourself. What's your name? Do you know anything about this teacher? I think this test is going to be rough so I'm thinking about setting up a study table: Here's my phone number if you're interested. It sucks that this class is so close to breakfast/lunch/dinner. I'm always starving after. Want to grab something to eat with me?

    6. Don't feel rejected. If one girl doesn't want to give you her phone number or doesn't want to grab something to eat with you, it doesn't matter. There are literally thousands of girls around, probably at least a couple hundred that will think you're adorable and would love to spend time with you. If one turns you down, that just means that she's not one of them. Fair enough, keep plugging along until you find one, or four.

    7. Everyone wants to come to a study table before a test. This is a great opportunity to meet friends: guys and gals. And you automatically have something in common and a regularly scheduled time to see them every few days (same class).

    If you remember these things, and take a relatively laid-back approach to college, you'll do just fine. Being the easy-going guy that's always down to grab a bite to eat, go to the gym, come to a party, or just hang out; but isn't all about getting wasted or screwing all the girls will speak a lot to the people you hang out with. It says you're dependable, friendly, honest, respectful, and fun. And you're a virgin, which doesn't really matter because it doesn't mean shit to you. And if it doesn't mean shit to you, it's not going to mean anything to your friends at college (who'll probably just want to help you anyway), or any girls you meet (who won't feel the added pressure of being your first, because you haven't put a whole lot of weight on your first time. You don't really "care" that you're a virgin, it's just something that hasn't happened yet).

    Let me know if you have any other questions.
    My thoughts are that you'll be just fine.;)
    ~Steve
     
  4. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    well, steve has some great points there. i'll give you the canadian perspective :p
    socialize as much as possible, not many people will know you so you have nothing to lose. always be up for things, don't turn down opportunities to go out. even if its just with the boys, then you'll have stories to tell when you are with girls. don't fear rejection. if you ask out 10 girls and get 1 date thats great. if you ask out 100 girls and get 5 dates thats better. ratio might suck, but you still got 4 more dates, right? solid. finally, don't worry about being a virgin. everyone starts somewhere and believe it or not, most girls will probably be virgins or only with 1 guy before. so its not like they are expecting a dynamo. just be confident and things happen naturally, you're lips will find hers, and so on.
     
  5. young_gun_91

    young_gun_91 New Member

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    Sounds good, man. :lol

    I'm actually going to a community college, so I won't be living in a dorm. That being said, you're right. The college has just as many people as some universities do (it's huge for community college), and I'm sure that through socializing I'll be invited to things. I'm guessing that I shouldn't be quiet from the start, right? First impressions make a big deal and if I spend the first two weeks being some sort of reserved guy it will give people the wrong idea.

    I like the idea of it being just one more thing about me. :lol That's great. I'd tell someone if I was comfortable with them (and didn't think they would make fun of me or whatever).

    It's hard for me to relate to #1 and #4 (since I can't live on-campus), but #2 is probably right. You're saying that I shouldn't never eat lunch by myself, because I'll get into that habit?

    #3 - I don't drink right now anyway, and I'm also probably the only 19 year old to never get drunk, buzzed or anything of that nature.

    Numbers 5 and 6 were the things that killed me in high school. When I actually did talk to girls like that, it went pretty well. But I only did a handful of times, because I was always shy/nervous. I feel like being away from people for a year and a half has done me a lot of good in that regard. I feel like from now on I won't take it for granted when I'm sitting around some hot girls, and hopefully I can talk to girls without coming across as creepy.


    Thanks for taking the time to write all of that. I wasn't expecting such a dedicated reply, and I really do appreciate that. It helps me to feel less self-conscious about the situation. I do have one question: how big of a deal will it be to a girl that I don't have my own car? Even if I have a license and all, but take the bus to college a lot of days. I don't want girls to think I'm some sort of bum. :ugh


    That's what I was thinking.

    Thanks, man. The Canadian perpective is awesome. :D I hope it happens naturally like that. And do you think most girls will really have that little experience?
     
  6. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

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    Hi there,early thirties woman here:female

    I say don't worry...21 is not too old to still be a virgin.If you were in your thirties,it may be another issue.But a lot of girls may be relieved that you are a virgin at this age,because many of them are probably still virgins too.They aren't going to go around and broadcast it though.I have a step daughter who is 21 and she is still a virgin.Agreed not having at least kissed someone puts you at a small disadvantage,but there is nothing to that so long as you don't try to shove your tongue down her throat.

    It may seem like all girls want "studs",but there is a good portion of gals who are intimidated by that kind of guy.Yes,even guys with a reputation of getting around can seem scary to the inexperienced.

    If the right girl comes along and really likes you,the virgin thing should not matter.
     
  7. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    yeah, depsite popular belief not many girls go all the way in high school. don't be fooled by superbad type mentality either. girls always seem to be a little more natural at it though, never could figure out why. yea, like darkjewel said, don't stick your tongue in on the first kiss, lol. just a nice romantic lip on lip action is swell :) bottom line, you'll have LOTS of fun, heh
     
  8. lovn_my_bbw

    lovn_my_bbw New Member

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    hopefully youll get lucky like me and meet that right girl who also lacks experience and got to town for days on end having and doing crazy sex that you never thought was possible....good luck...
     
  9. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    There is not much I can add to the good advice already given here. In a sense I was a lot like you. In high school I was shy and withdrawn from girls. The only things I had going for me was that I did well academically and was on the football team. I'll always remember, after once having a good game, the next time in school many people were congratulating me, and a girl came up to me and something along the lines of I should smile more, I looked really nice when I smiled. I started realizing then that they way I carried myself might be a factor in my lack of interacting with girls.

    When I went to college, also a virgin, I decided I would focus on meeting women for friendship and not for sex. So I worked to get out of my shell. If I saw a woman that attracted me, for example, I'd sit next to her in class, and just say hi. No heavy conversation, just feeling things out. If we started to have a conversation I tried to listen and respond to what was being said. If she did not want to have a conversation, or was even downright rude, I stayed pleasant, even sometimes apologizing for bothering her. I was surprised at the number of times I'd run into those girls later and they would apologize themselves, saying they did not mean to be rude, but were having some type of problem issue. I'd them so true concern for them - and that also made a difference. In addition, sometimes another woman would notice the rude treatment I had received and would come up and start talking to me - and they would say later it was because of the way they saw me handle it. I went from being shy and not having any real female friends in high school to having many female friends by the end of my freshman year. The only reason I remained a virgin at that point was because I chose to (there were several who were interested but I liked them equally and just did not have a "sleep around" mentality).

    Sorry for the babbling, but I guess what I am really saying is go out an interact. Talk, listen more than you talk. Learn how to laugh at yourself when you make a mistake, and move on - that is a sign of real confidence that women like. Get involved in college activities beyond going to class. Do not expect every girl you approach to instantly warm up to you - but if you kindly approach many of them, you will find a few that will - and all you need is to get to know a few to start paving a foundation.
     
  10. cbrmale

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    I will add a couple of comments. First up, 19 is not young to be a virgin, so that's not a problem. I had problems getting intimate with women when I was younger, until I lost my virginity at 20, but at the time I didn't comment on my past as I didn't think it was relevant. So I met someone I liked and one thing led to another, and she didn't really need to know anything more than it was my first sex (she was actually my first passionate kiss, and a few other things as well).

    At that age I wasn't a recluse, however, and I think that helped me get away with it. I had the confidence to pull it off once I made my mind up. I think, with all relationships, friends and lovers, confidence is key. If you build up the confidence within, it makes a huge difference.
     
  11. young_gun_91

    young_gun_91 New Member

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    LOL, thanks for the advice. :lol It's always great to know I'm not alone.

    I hope you're right, man. I didn't mean to come across like some wannabe man whore - I just want to experience having a girlfriend and all of that.

    Sounds like you've found a real winner, huh? I hope I do one day soon.

    I actually connected with this part. I've been told by a few girls that I need to smile more too. A lot of guys told me that I look like a "serial killer" and have always felt self-conscious that I give off "creeper" vibes. I probably don't, but I'm usually by myself. I caught a girl looking at me in a clothing store, and I didn't know if it was because she thought I was good looking or because I looked lonely or something.

    Lol, the babbling is fine. Thanks for typing all of that. I'll definitely up my game as far as communication goes. I don't have a "sleep around" mentality, but IDK if I'm against it either. I plan on some college activities, there's a club for first year students that helps you academically that I plan on joining. They also advertise making new friends, and I'm sure that there will be plenty of girls to meet there.
     
  12. andretti

    andretti New Member

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    I'll offer a little advice for the young gun, too.

    Don't confuse an interest in girls with an interest in having a relationship with a girl.

    What's the difference? Some young men get too desperate to get a girlfriend. Every young lady they meet is seen as the next potential girlfriend. They come on too hard and too strong. At the end of the day, their motivations are self-serving. Moreover, most women can sense this, and it's usually a turn-off.

    A relationship happens at a more natural pace. You offer yourself as a friend first. You let them see the real you, not some phony facade that you think women will like.

    The nice thing is, when you interact with your female friends using this second approach, you don't have to fear rejection. If any potential chemistry is there, you don't smother it with your desperation. And, if romance is not meant to be, you've simply made another good friend, someone who might be your next lab partner, or jogging partner, or whatever.