The initiator

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by she, Oct 12, 2011.

  1. she

    she New Member

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    Anyone find themselves always having to initiate sex? How does it make you feel? I've recently become the initiator and if I don't, we can go a month without. Are they just not interested anymore? He used to be a big initiator but not lately. I think he is trying to teach me a lesson? Because he always initiated in the past and I was on meds that my libido suffered from.
     
  2. igor

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    Are you off the meds now? Does he know you want sex more than once a month?

    I was usually the initiator in our relationship for a good 40 years. Maybe 2 percent of the time she would start things. The last time I tried to get anywhere was 20 months ago and nothing has happened since then.
     
  3. igor

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    :mad
     
  4. she

    she New Member

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    Wow 20 months! No, I'm still on the meds but I've been initiating because I don't want my relationship to suffer......
     
  5. paintedblue

    paintedblue Member

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    I feel like I'm the initiator as well.. and if I dont say anything, I miss out. I hate that I have to do that.. bu I have tried the "Im not gonna say anything and see what happens" game, only to find out that I am the one who ends up missing out.

    It can be a bit dissapointing, because it makes you feel a bit unwanted.

    The only thing I have found that helps is to remind her of sexual things.. subtle hints. My theory being that if she thinks about sex, it will instill that desire that will result in me getting some action.
     
  6. HUMBLELOVE

    HUMBLELOVE Member

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    Damn, I could have written that except for the last paragraph.
    My wife doesn't need to be reminded, she knows, but chooses not to initiate sex at all!
     
  7. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    always the initiator, she only seems to initiate around her period. *sigh*
     
  8. Ford

    Ford New Member

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    I'm in a similar boat, I think they just give up trying.
     
  9. CruelTease

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    I've said this before, but it seems fitting so I'll repeat.

    I didn't enjoy sex with my man for a long time due to pain cause by an ovarian cyst. I still wanted it, but knew it'd hurt. He would initiate sex, but I'd turn him down knowing it would hurt. He didn't understand how much pain I was in. He gradually stopped asking for sex.

    I had the cyst removed and sex stopped hurting, so I started wanting sex more. He didn't. We have sex perhaps twice a month now. I know how awful I feel when he rejects me, so I assume he felt the same way and his libido adapted accordingly. He probably learned to associate wanting sex with rejection. That's not a turn on for anybody.

    Just a thought.
     
  10. pbs

    pbs
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    Sounds like you have a good handle on what's wrong. From what you've said in prior posts, you need to get to a couples counselor, get your libidos into sych, and start fucking each other's brains out. Life is too short, and you're wasting time by leaving things like they are.