the girl is back

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by redics_girl, Jan 21, 2013.

  1. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    ok, in previous posts, i have mentioned a female that redic and i had a relationship with. the relationship ended, our marriage hit a few bumps, she moved on, we eventually got everything back on track, etc. well, the girl is back.
    she was someone i worked with, and she was supposed to have moved halfway across the country, but now she's back. the feelings she stirs up scare me, for several reasons. for one, i am not good at the casual, and the feelings i developed for her were part of why the relationship ended. also, i don't really know how i feel about her, aside from the fact that seeing her again was like a kick to the stomach.
    we've had a couple conversations, and I've come away even more stressed about it. we've agreed to just be friends, but every time i see her, the old feelings... they don't necessarily come back, but they aren't forgotten either, and seeing her again is a reminder that makes it difficult to forget and just be friends. a third reason, is that i really just don't know what to do, say, feel, think about it, or how to explain and talk it out with my husband because its a situation i don't think either of us really want to revisit.
    any advice would be great
     
  2. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    sorry, supposed i should have posted this in the relationships section... any way to move it?
     
  3. MordsithLove

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    I'm sure Mitt can when she gets to it.

    I wish I had some advice for you hun!! I hope the nerves die down for you, emotions can really stir up the track of thought and choke on things you'd wish to say :ugh
     
  4. AGFUNK

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    Is there any way that you can just stay away from her and not be friends? I had to do that about maybe a year and a half to two years back. I stopped talking to an old friend that I had strong feelings for and eventually they just went away. Being friends just didn't work and I didn't want to lose my husband. Perhaps this could work for you as well?
     
  5. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    i wish. it was working, before she moved back to town and got her job back. and now i see her often at work. i can stop talking to her and being her friend, but i will still see her, which will make it awkward
     
  6. paintedblue

    paintedblue Member

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    Not to sound harsh, but it sounds like you only have two options here. Quit your job, or just suck it up... and I am pretty sure quitting really isn’t an option.

    Over time, as long as you don't act upon them, those feelings are going to subside. I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, but it will happen. Her presence now may have re-opened some wounds that weren’t as healed as you may have thought.

    If breaking up with someone was as easy as just flipping a switch and poof.. they are forgotten, then there wouldn't be thousands of songs about losing your love ( pretty sure country music wouldn't exist)

    The other thing you have to remember is that you are giving her power over you. You are allowing her to make you feel this way. Do what it takes to remind yourself that you broke it off for a reason. We have a tendency to forget the bad things about our exes, so a little daily reminder of what made you leave that relationship might do you some good and possibly speed up the healing process.

    Also, you can still be friends with her, just as long as you keep it that way. Being friends will at least remove that tension and uncomfortable feeling when you see her at work.
    What I would suggest is that you talk things out with your husband about her return and how it is making you uncomfortable. I don’t know if he will feel threatened by her or not, so maybe hearing your feelings might not only help you but also put his mind at ease about the situation as well. I know if my SO was working with her ex, it would always be in the back of my mind.
     
  7. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    thanks PB. I'm beginning to think being friends with her really isnt a good idea. and i will talk to redic tonight when we actually have some time together.
     
  8. surreal_thoughts

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    I agree with PB. I've been in similar situations where people I was on good terms with then went sour came back into my life. I found the best resolution is to either air out your feelings, thoughts, and frustrations and draw a line with that person, or in some cases you just have to give that person a cold shoulder...after a while they'll get it and stop attempting to talk to you...that's been my personal experience.