Swinging?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by davzy, May 2, 2007.

  1. davzy

    davzy New Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2007
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ballarat
    Your no doubt going to think i'm a twisted individual by the time i'm finished at this forum, i have so many things id like answers/opinions to, LOL

    My partner cheated on me very early on in our relationship, i forgave her and as time past i became more turned on by the thought of her and him, then one night last year she went out, and came back with a friend of mine, and we had a 3sum, and i was insanely turned on, she has promised me a return favor, but that has yet to happen, i often comment on it, and i have suggested some people but she says she would rather do it with a stranger, oh well, hopefully one day, i have had many 3/4sums before, but we speak often about her and other men, i am totally into the idea of her and another man, in fact i encouraged her to sleep with another man while she went away on an end of season netball trip, not sure if she did, but they did hang out with a group of guys i was told by another girl that went, and when i said something about them she bottled up, did she do you think?

    Am i into swinging? should i pursue this with her?
     
  2. Yangus

    Yangus New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2007
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Texas
    I say look into a swinger's club. If she wants to do it with a stranger there's probably no better place. Plus from what I understand it could be safer too. I can't say for sure as I've never done it, but I've been recently looking into certain clubs. My gf and I personally have no interest in sharing partners, but we just find the openness and sexuality a turn-on.

    Now I gotta ask. What's netball?
     
  3. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2006
    Messages:
    4,108
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Illinois
    I think between this post and your other, that this is not something I would recommend that the two of you pursue as a couple. While I'm happy that you'd find someone other than her sisters or friends, it still seems that you would just be shopping for her replacement before you let her loose. To me, it doesn't sound like the solid relationship built on love and trust is in place to withstand the strain that added partners (swinging) adds to a relationship. And FYI, my response is not a judgement on swinging; I'm a past passionate member of the lifestyle.
     
  4. gaddy

    gaddy New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2007
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    asia
    very well said. :) i have done this so called swapping, swinging thing three times already. and now i dont want to do it anymore. i love my gf and it may be good to have at least tried doing it but i feel it gives more strain to a relationship. even a strong relationship with a very good foundation might be destroyed by swinging or swapping. after the 1st time we did it we changed immediately as a couple i just dont know if be it for the better or worst. but the other couple involve were our close friends. they seem to be doing fine. they're married while we are stil gf and bf. to tell you the truth i seemed to have gotten a little jealous when i saw my gf doin our favorite position as a couple with another man. she told me also that she felt jealous when i brought the other girl in the shower. i dunno but its a good fantasy yet may not be a good idea being actually done. but hey thats just me sir. i mean not share the same opinion as the others. :)
     
  5. Hjack

    Hjack New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2007
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California!
    feel free to ignore this. i am interested in psychology, and have always wondered why some guys get so turned on thinking about there gf/wife with another, and others (myself) want to break something. i am not judging, its cool to have alternate aspects to sexuality, but it completely goes against nature (breeding instincts) and uhh..the obvious part that the guy wants to be with the girl (in ideal cases of course). so why those types not worry? why does it turn them on? no one may know, thats understandable, but davz, or anyone else that feels that, feel free to say why if you think you may know. (again, feel free to ignore this, don't want to hijack topic too much)
     
  6. sexaholic

    sexaholic New Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2007
    Messages:
    107
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm a guy... And I don't get these fantasies and am fairly convinced that this fantasy taken into reality is product of a lack of emotional intimacy and depth of the current relationship. Although humanity culturally reconfigured itself in many arrangement over the course of our history, the default is pretty well accepted to be monogamy. As a fantasy, that's totally different; it's fine. Some people have fantasies a lot weirder than this... And I'm sure that popular culture has 'popularised' this one.

    Sex obviously isn't just a physical act, although it can be. But if you're in a deep emotionally-involved relationship (emphasis on deep, not I kinda share some emotional stuff with him/her and like spending time with him/her over most people), this can't work. This is not my opinion, it's pretty well recognised in mainstream sexual psychology.

    I know of two people who have done this setup, by the way... A guy in a relationship, and a guy not. The guy in the relationship, it tanked soon afterwards. The guy not, certainly had no deep 'scars' but didn't think it was all that amazing.

    Now, some people do marry and have these relationships, although this is rare. Here too I am convinced that this marriage will lack a glacier-sized layer of emotional intimacy. But some (possibly a lot of) people don't achieve that in their monogamous relationships either, although I think, to me, it indicates the relationship isn't really working in the first place.

    This may sound prudish but I don't really think so. Now, outside the relationship, if you just want to meet two people and have a night of casual threesome or foursome sex or whatever, that's totally different. This kind of sexual activity without any emotion does not turn my crank, but I do think is a lot different and not really aberrant at all.

    I do think, Hijack, that this obsession, though primarily male, is probably present in a lot of females (for the same reason); in general though, females are probably not as pushy to try it out nor would they try to convince their partner to proceed despite reservations.
     
    #6 sexaholic, May 10, 2007
    Last edited: May 10, 2007
  7. Angie

    Angie New Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2007
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Paradise.
    My husband and I have been swingers for 34 years.
    We don't do it often these days, but still enjoy monthly parties and the occasional visit to clubs.
    It's not for everyone, but there are millions of people around the world who swing.
    If you think it could damage your relationship, don't do it!
    But if you're confident that you'll both enjoy it, give it a shot.
    A club is the best place to start for anyone who wants to find out if it's for them or not.
    Go there to watch and see if it's for both of you before jumping in, there is no pressure at these places to get involved.
    Also google swinging and learn more about it.
    We belong to a website called 'Swinging Britain' but the owners have web pages that cover the world and they run house parties too.
    PM if you want a link.
    My husband has written a "Swinger's Guide" and published it on the web.