Swinging/Swapping

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by melicious, Feb 10, 2007.

  1. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Okay, I tried to do a search and it wouldn't work for me this evening. So, if I'm repeating something done a gazillion times.....well, I'll fix it tomorrow if someone else doesn't do it first.

    Since I've signed on here (way back when....) we've had a few conversations on different aspects of swinging/swapping/open relationships. But I've yet to see one in general, just about the topic. Can we have an adult conversation on the topic of swinging? Opinions..... NOT judgments.

    I used to have a huge problem with it, in one life. In another, I practice it. Share your OPINIONS, if you will. And let's chat about it. Honestly, if it's something that you feel so strongly about that a conversation is not possible, I ask you to be mature enough to avoid the conversation, just as you would any other conversation on this board that is outside your comfort level. For those of you curious, tenuous, anxious....let's chat. Shall we?
     
  2. sexysixpack

    sexysixpack New Member

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    I think it really depends on the feelings of two individuals in a given relationship. In my current relationship swinging would, without a doubt, never work; however, I do know some couples who I am sure are open enough that they could manage to make such things work. I have no personal problems with the lifestyle, as long as both parters are consenting and informed. Personally, I think I could be open to the possibility of swinging as I am very sexually free, however, this exits the relm of possibility due to my parter, which I have no problem with. So, I think it could be tons of fun given the right circumstances!
     
  3. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I THINK the fact that both partners are consentual means the difference between swinging and infidelity/cheating.
     
  4. sexysixpack

    sexysixpack New Member

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    haha an astute observation :) I think the point that i was trying to make in a very long-winded fashion was basically swinging is fine (to me) as long as it is consensual and not forced or deceptive
     
  5. SexyScorp

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    As long as one of you doesnt become very attached to the other people you are having sex with....

    I couldnt do it cos I am not detached emotionally....I am very intense and if the person really did it for me....then there may be a problem there...?

    But yes its much better than being unfaithful and cheating....I agree...

    And yet I have heard some horror stories whether the man or woman is left feeling either inadquate or at worse their marriage has been wrecked...
     
  6. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    My wife and I come from backgrounds where we both have had some swinging experience before we met. A few years after we married we have a few varied encounters. For a while it took care of our need. However we are at the point where are discussing it again and I would say about a good chance it will happen again.

    In our relationship we have a very open attitude about sex and our definition of cheating. I would have to describe our relationship as very supporting. I think allot of it has to do with our experiences that has added to our relationship longevity. For us we do see a division between cheating and swinging.

    The one thing I will say to those who are thinking about taking the plunge. Swinging is not for everyone and it brings up allot of mixed emotions. When you see your SO with another it can stir allot of strong and intense feelings. Without preparation for the moment allot of anger, jealousy, and hurt feelings can surface. It is important that it should not be done on the spur of the moment, when at least one person is intoxicated, or done as a surprise. These situations can lead to the emotions being fueled and lead to allot of unnecessary drama. Our encounters went very well and even today we still talk about them.

    Swinging works best when it has been discussed, agreed, done without manipulation / pressure. This means both partners want to do it and are in agreement to the extent that it will happen. In another words it is a partnerhip for sexual exploration.

    Anyone who gets jealous easy or have very conservative opinions will find swinging difficult. They may find that the reality is much different than the fantasy. This may lead them to feelings of hurt, jealousy, or guilt. Entering swinging to fix a void in the relationship or add a bit of spice to it swinging may add more than what you expect. In the sense it could bring to the surface issues that have been underlying the relationship and add additional stress to the relationship.

    Any couple that enters swinging needs to do so in the cold reality of day and not with the expection of the steamy bedroom fantasy. It is when a couple has the necessary tools will swinging become enjoyable. Otherwise swinging can become a game of Russian Roulette.
     
  7. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    If a marriage is wrecked because of swinging, the marriage wasn't on solid ground to begin with.
    A couple we know have just split due to her meeting another man, but her husband was letting her meet other men away from home on her own and she's left him for one only recently.
    He should have seen it coming.
     
  8. SexyScorp

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    Hmmm...he should have seen it coming...

    Shame :(
     
  9. Hot Wheels

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    My wife and I have attended swingers clubs and have been involved with several other couples during the course of our relationship.
    Oh, some of the stories, and some of the characters weve met and our fair share of idiots too......
    Unfortunately, about 4 years ago, we inherited our special needs grandaughter full time and this just killed our lifestyle, even though we still are friends with our former "partygoers" they have now found other couples to party with and my wife and I are now left to our own devices.
    Do we miss it?....Id say yes, but our circumstances no longer allow for it so I guess thats just the way things go sometimes.
     
  10. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

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    I've always been curious but never done it.
     
  11. Swingercast

    Swingercast New Member

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    A very wise man, who has been swinging since before I was born, once told me:

    "Swinging is like a magnifying glass. It can amplify the love between people but if there are problems in a relationship it can also make them more visible."

    John
     
  12. SexyScorp

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    And as most relationships have problems at some time or other....it would do well to think very carefully before jumping in...

    Like Elvis said fantasy....once one tries it, then its no longer a fantasy...
     
  13. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    I have no real opinions on this other than i have been curios about this for some time.
    Someones idividual sexual preferances are something i think i am non judgementle about, as to me its the person i am speaking to that counts and not who or how they have sex with.

    I think the worst thing i have done was to be with a married woman, although the sex was great for both of us, in the end we both started to get attatched t oone another...At first it was just for sexual fun, i was 17 at the time.
    But feelings can escualte over a period of time, i was 27 when we both ended it .just my reflection on someone someone said in here, about you have to be careful not to get attached to the 3rd person, i know my experience wasny swinging, but it had an element of this in a small way.
     
  14. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    \

    I think that the above may be possible for some people or, perhaps I should say, apparently is possible for some people. NOT making a judgment, JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION ABOUT MYSELF, submitted respectfully and gently, I would be psychologically unable to be in such a marriage (a swinging marriage) and also would have religious problems with it FOR ME and for my spouse. If it works for other people, of course, that has to be up to them as long as both are agreeable to it. I guess what would seem to me to be most important for people to do, when entering a relationship or marriage, is to define with the other person, what the boundaries, or lack of boundaries, are and to feel comfortable with what is established from the "git go" as they say. I have felt that the matching services available, nowadays, are great things. They can often help people establish relationships with people with whom they are going to be most comfortable. Less surprises or shocks that way, I guess.
     
  15. Dreama

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    My personal opinion is that swinging isn't for me. I might change my mind one day, but in sex, I require a deep emotional relationship, and if it isn't there, I simply can't do it. So, right now, it isn't something I'd be interested in.
     
  16. Swingercast

    Swingercast New Member

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    Dear HerHubby,

    You make an important point and I agree.

    Swinging is not for everyone. In fact, if more couples would work through their issues BEFORE trying to swing it would reduce a lot of "drama". I've seen couples get visibly upset with each other at swing clubs (though it is rare) and had they put the time in to discussing their feelings before they decided to go to a swing club they would have been better off (whether they decided to swing or not).

    Swinging will not save a marriage.

    I also think the last half of the quote that I made is very important.

    "...if there are problems in a relationship it can also make them more visible."

    I also agree with SexyScorp:

    "And as most relationships have problems at some time or other....it would do well to think very carefully before jumping in..."

    John
     
    #16 Swingercast, Feb 14, 2007
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2007
  17. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I believe that is profound, to say the least. Very good insight!
     
  18. NaughtyKnickers

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    I am tenuous about swinging, along these same lines.

    "A very wise man, who has been swinging since before I was born, once told me:

    "Swinging is like a magnifying glass. It can amplify the love between people but if there are problems in a relationship it can also make them more visible."

    John"
     
  19. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    That is one of the best statement I have
    heard in a while.
    I think you all know by now that I have been a swinger.
    and swinging is definitely not for everyone.
    If you are having martial problems swinging will not fix them.
    If you just want to have an affair with someone then swinging
    is not for you.
    If you get jealous swinging is the worst thing you can do.

    Swinging must fill a need in your and your partners lifestyle.
    not just yours.

    Hiker:sf
     
  20. whang

    whang New Member

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    I used to work with a guy who swings with his wife, they're both totally into it.

    We're pretty close friends and we've talked about swapping/swinging too. My girlfriend isn't too into him at all and that's kind of putting a damper on the idea. His wife isn't bad at all and I wouldn't mind having a bit of fun and she feels the same about me.

    My opinion though:

    As long as everyone's comfortable and it doesn't destroy any relationship it's all good!