Suicide?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by KoenigNazgul, Aug 19, 2004.

  1. KoenigNazgul

    KoenigNazgul New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2003
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    State of Depression
    I just wanted to get peoples opinions on suicide. Please don't pull the "you'll go to hell" card, that one simply holds no weight with me. Morally, where do you stand with regards to suicide? Do some of you honestly believe that killing oneself is a sin?

    In truth, I'm a depressed person, and have many times over catered to self-terminating thoughts. I'm very, very surprised that I have never attempted suicide. Any other people struggle? Any methods for feeling better? And yes I've tried therapy and anti-depressants which helped to only a mild degree in my case.

    If anybody cares, I hold a plethora of dark literature within my journal, most of which I am willing to share. I find myself apt at describing the depths, patterns, textures, thought-processes, basically the whole tapestry of depression; all that is, except the point of view of the person who's friend or loved one commits suicide...here my knowledge and even empathy fail me.
     
  2. DarkHamlet

    DarkHamlet New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2004
    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Central
    hey

    we all have different problems. it has cross my mind but i know that i would bring more problems to my wife & 2 F kids. on my oder side of the family like in parents and broders would probably bring some kind of joy i think because of the less of 1 of the broders are the more family heritage will be, you know. and they probably leave my family on the floor begging. :eyes

    thats why i think it would not be a good idea. :tard

    but thats on my side of the story, don't know yours. :poke
     
  3. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Koenig Nazgul,

    I had a friend who committed suicide. He was ADHD, and at that time, kids were taken off Ritalin when they were 14. My friend felt he had difficulty afer 14, which he would not have had, if he had been able to take Ritalin. He committed suicide with Ritalin. He made several attempts. I still think about him, occasionally. I don't really feel I understood his whole message. He as about 26 when he died. I went to his funeral, and his mother talked to me. "Didn't you see the pill bottles there?" I had not noticed the pill bottles.

    His passing brought me closer to a woman who had known him also. I tried to help him, and talked to him the day he took his overdose. I was trying to be up-beat, and counseling positives. He tried to tell me, in a way, and in a way he tried to hide from me his plans. The other lady and I had tried to be encouraging to him. There was another second lady, who I thought was his girl friend, but she assisted him to Over Dose, at least spiritually. One of my stages was anger at my friend for having ended our friendship, and partnership of being encouraging to each other.

    My response to your post is inadequate. I have to move some stuff out of one storage locker to another some 6o miles away, I don't have the logistics worked out yet. If I was in better mental health, I would be able to sort out and discard much of the stuff I have saved. One expert said he had complete confidence to throw anything away. He threw many things away, as he believed that he could recreate most anything he had. I have saved too much stuff, and I can't find stuff I am looking for. Now I have to move it. My idol is Leaving Los Vegas. Nicholas Cage cleans up his apartment by placing about 40 trash bags on the curb. I often envison that scene as my ideal.

    I am intrigued by your mention of dark visions. I have read some of your posts, but I did not get this flavor before.

    I have read some books on handling depression. I have been accues of being depressed myself. Some say I mask myt depression. Do you have any postive affirmations? curezone.com has a section on Affirmations. I try to review my affirmations when I am feeling overwhelmed.

    Blessings
     
  4. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Also, in curezone.com, there is a support forum under S for Suicide Support Forum. There are so many sections under Curezone.com, that I have started a list of my intersts in Word, as a separate document, because some forums have name titles that cover topics I think of as under other names.

    Blessings
     
  5. KoenigNazgul

    KoenigNazgul New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2003
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    State of Depression
    I can see my affirmations even when I'm depressed; I can see other people happy when I'm stressed; yet none of these things have gravity for me when I'm opressed by my own duress. he he, I like rhyming a bit.

    Life just seems like this big fucking charade to me, that if I die of natural causes, God and all the angels will roll on the floor overtaken by their own guffaws at my gullibility at having tried to actually live life. In this case I would be happier having figured out that life here simply isn't worth living and then taking my own life.

    Those of you in your correct state of mind according to paradigms may see my viewpoint as very depressing and delusional...oh well, this is me.
     
  6. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2004
    Messages:
    658
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    After failing at an attempt once, and a friend intervening a second time, I knew i needed to talk to someone...so i went to the boyfriend I had at the time, we talked through things and he gave me the strength to as for help. subsequently i was in therapy for a year and am on paxil and strattera.
    However, through my experiences, death has become the most useless part of life to me, and suicide seems so greedy and selfish. So often suicide happens because people dont think anyone else will care. i was amazed, when i brought my friends together to update them on how i was doing, at how they responded. no matter how alone you feel suicide is the most selfish action you can take. if nothing seems to be working, i think you ought to take the generous road, counseling. most places have it available even if you dont have money to pay for it.

    here's something i recently wrote when a friend confided in my about her suicidal tendencies.Jumper
     
  7. blade

    blade New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2004
    Messages:
    163
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    FL
    I think its sad that you feel its hopeless...but do u look around you and see what you can change to make you feel better. I was always unhappy from junior high to high school and attempted once in high school it was pretty scary and in a way i guess i wasnt "meant for it" at least not yet cuz I was only 16 and I thot there could be so much out there...things can betta, but I neva admitted to my mom that it an attempt, only that I was drunk and didnt kno what I was doin..I guess a parent can believe n e thing in a situation like that. Its good that you're able to at least talk about it..cuz I'm sure you'll always find someone here to talk too, unlike some other unfortunate cases...as for goin to hell, I dont believe that. And if up to now u havent tried suicide then realize that deep inside there's something keeping u goin. For some reason, u still wanna wake up the next morning.
     
  8. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Koenig Nazgul,

    Perhaps my suggestion of Morning Affirmations won't work for you. I keep revising my affirmations, and I have two affirmation coaches. Church or Religious Science also has Affirmation Coaches, and prayer counselors.

    I try to find ways to tell others about my mistakes. Some people can't handle it. I think it is important to find the irony in things. I bought a few tools at Sears, and when I walked out, the buzzer for shoplifters went off. I went to the nearest counter and showed my receipt and what I was carrying, the lady looked at my tools, and could not figure out why the alarm went off. She said to just go ahead.

    I said, "I try to be honest, and pay for everything, and NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENS!" The lady knew I was joking and smiled at me. I walked out and set off the alarm again.

    My paradigm does not shift a whole lot, but caffiene makes me calm, and sometimes when I have not had caffiene for 12 Hours or a few days, I will get nervous or more irritable. Sometimes people seem unreasonable to me, and I have to remember what coffee or Coke I have had. Sometimes cold pills will affect my mood several days after stopping. My wife used to get nasty after not drinking Pepsi Cola for a day or so. Now I keep Pesi in the refrigerator, so she will become irritable less often.

    Blessings
     
  9. itsnikki

    itsnikki New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    When I was 15 my brother died from Hauntavirus. He had been married for two years. When my family and I found out we left right away to go see his wife. When we got there she didn't want to talk to us, but we went in the house. Then we left that night thinking we were going to see her the next morning, it was too late, she had offixiated herself w/ a coal burner in a tent and overdosed on some kind of pills. She left us notes all around the house on how to take care of their animals. It was a terrible thing that happened. I was only fifteen. Then a year later my 14 year old cousin died in a house fire.
    To me suicide is just the easy road out of a hard situation. If you are thinking of commiting suicide try to look at it from the other angle. Think of you family and friends that you might be hurting.
     
  10. markx

    markx New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2004
    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    middle of nowhere!
    sucide is no option
     
  11. KoenigNazgul

    KoenigNazgul New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2003
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    State of Depression
    It is only not an option if one does not have severe depression. When you have crossed the threshold of normal pain, and approached the absolute zero of happiness you might reanalyze your situation and realize that non-existence is a warm welcome. Nearly every night I pray to God to let me go. I'm serious.
     
  12. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Koenig Nazgul,

    I have checked back, and not found you til now, but glad you are hanging in with the rest of us, who are struggling at some level.

    Any part of the pain you can share? I personally spent more money on a project than I should have, and I have not yet told my wife the full amount that I spent. My wife believes I spent some $3500.00 but it is actaully closer to $5200.00, My wife is already yelling at me about the $3500.00 I spent. I'm not sure how things are going to go when she finds out about the extra $1700.00.

    As far as respect goes, my 26 year old son has decided that I am an idiot, although I am paying for his car and college, insurance and he is living at my house. I was thinking of asking him if he felt that we were coming to a stage of incompatiablity as roomates. Certainly roomates often do not remain compatable forever.

    There are a number of things that I am procrastinating about, and any one of them can become highly embarrassing. But I remain a procrastinator. Something like telling my wife that I have been accepted to medical school, then trying to explain when she discovers my lies and procrastination.

    Anyway, I can identify with things not always looking so rosey. Sometimes I sing a church song, "Joshua fought the battle of Jehrico and the Walls came tumbling Down." I can visualize some of my imaginary castles falling down.

    How can Mark X post on this thread with that Avatar?

    Thanks for posting back.
     
  13. markx

    markx New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2004
    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    middle of nowhere!
    sorry i changed it to something more 'suitable'
     
  14. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Mark X,

    I was just joking. I thought your prior Avatar was really STRIKING.

    But I do give you accolades for being more sensitive.

    Blessings
     
  15. touchzing

    touchzing New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2004
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    California
    "Do some of you honestly believe that killing oneself is a sin?"

    A more imprtant question is do you worry that killing yourself is a sin? What are you spiritual beliefs? Not religion, what are your beliefs about life?

    "Any other people struggle?"

    I struggled with suicidal depression for almost a decade. Like you I was in therapy, and took antidepressants. After a sucidial attempt I ended up in a mental hospital. A friend came by and visited. She said something simple that has stuck with me. Before you die why not try something different. What every your doing in your life now isn't working. It is time to change, explore and find out what your missing. I have been doing that for the past fifteen years or so and the journey has been enjoyable (for the most part).
     
  16. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2004
    Messages:
    658
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    it is not an option either way. I struggle with severe depression...and after long discussions with my doctor have decided to do so WITHOUT medication. i KNOW how hard it is. sometimes nearly impossible, but only nearly. the human will and desire to live is stronger than that to die. you can do it... maybe not alone, find help, happiness will come back, someday
     
  17. touchzing

    touchzing New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2004
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    California
    Are you still with us KoenigNazgul?
     
  18. KoenigNazgul

    KoenigNazgul New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2003
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    State of Depression
    After having walked a fine, bitter line for a few days, and not checking in on anything in life, I am back. Currently I'm a little down, but I've felt ok for a couple of days in a row. I am flattered at the support and care that has been offered by all. I don't know much else to say except that I'm exercising more often and just hanging in there...and thanks.

    Logger-Thanks. How has the financial situation played out as of late? Good luck with the son.

    Touchzing-Thanks.
     
  19. touchzing

    touchzing New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2004
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    California
    KoenigNazgul I hope things grow better for you. Sometimes life can be shit.
     
  20. Giancarlo

    Giancarlo New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2003
    Messages:
    166
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    I carry a rather bad view of suicide. Having once considering it because I didn't want to be gay at one point in my life I don't ever want to think about it again... I've learn to accept who I was. But back to your situation, life may be difficult but you only get one life. Life is too precious to throw away like that. Times may be tough but life is the most beautiful thing in the world. I see you are 20 years old. You have a lot of life ahead of you. We all have our good times and our bad times, and our times we wish weren't here... however, life as a whole is too much to give up. Being atheist, I put a lot of value into life since I believe this is the only time we have. Atheist, christian, muslim or what-not... life is supposed to be held to high regards.