Suggestions for 16-year Married Couple with New Sex Life

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by one20inafiftyfive, Mar 10, 2012.

  1. one20inafiftyfive

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    This is my first post here, so be gentle. Hehehe.

    My wife & I have been married for 16 years. We were both virgins when we married. We love each other dearly, but our sex life was lacking. We rarely did it. It's not that it wasn't fun or enjoyable, but somehow it wasn't fulfilling.

    I had difficulty bringing my wife to orgasm, and oral sex was always part of the repertoire. She would have them occasionally, but they weren't spectacular as one would expect. She admits that even through masturbation, she had difficulty bringing herself to climax.

    Oddly enough, we saw a commercial for KY Intense Arousal Gel, and decided to try it. While the gel did nothing as far as arousal, the "act" of putting something on her genitals opened a new world. We've always been very open with our communication, but as far as sex goes, we kept it to a minimum. We'd refer to her vagina as "down there" and cunnilingus as "kissing her down there". Somehow, with introducing an "object", made it less serious and more playful. It opened up the dialog laughing at each other as we finally called it her "pussy" and my "dick", and "going down". We immediately realized we'd stepped into a new realm. We immediately went on the net and ordered a vibrator. Without much research, we ordered the Lelo Ina and some lube.

    We used the Ina as soon as it came it. My wife had an orgasm quite quickly, and it was the most intense orgasm she'd ever had. We made love for about 2 hours. It was heavenly for both of us. We're now having sex usually 2 hours at a time, 3-4 times per week. She has multiple orgasms now--3 in a row is the record!

    Like idiots, we'd never used lube before we got the vibrator. (we're using a silicone-safe lube). The lube has opened new realms as well. We've done anal maybe 3 times in our relationship. Using only my saliva as lube. I know, I realize now, that was dumb. Using the lube, now, she's actually enjoyed the anal. (Vibe in her pussy, my dick in her ass). However, she doesn't want to do that very often for fear of losing anal tone. I'm ok with that.

    I really get off on putting the vibe in her and watching her entire body writhe as she cums. This is a huge turn-on for me.

    So, I know this is a long post, but my questions are as follows:


    1. What next? We are so interested in trying out other toys, but we don't know what could be better than the Ina.
    2. Is her concern about losing anal tone a valid one? She says that with lube, she has no pain and that the sensation coupled with the vibe is intense. I obviously love anal, but it's more difficult to control my orgasm, so it's not my first action.
    I sure hope this is the right community for such questions! I appreciate your patience.
     
  2. bluvm

    bluvm Member

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    You can take it anywhere you want. If she is open to it, maybe check out an adult toy shop. It opened up the sex life with my wife a great deal. As long as you know your limits then shouldn't be much of an issue. Even if you don't buy anything, just looking and seeing what turns both of you on might be worth it.

    2. I am not sure on losing anal tone. I have not really had much experience with anal. I do believe it takes the schedule of an anal porn start to really lose muscle tone. You could probably google it and get more info.
     
  3. Dragon_Fire

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    I think if a woman regularly exercises her pelvic floor muscles and doesn't regularly shove things larger than a cock up her butt there is not much likelihood of permanent damage.

    I can't really advise much regarding the toys as I rarely use them, myself.
     
  4. cbrmale

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    I don't know much about toys: my wife and I play different games. Mostly role play with dominance / submission, and just now we had outdoors sex in a nearby nature park (summer here). She was a virgin when we married but I had many lovers, so ordinary sex worked well for us from the beginning.

    I don't know much about anal tone either and I suggest you look it up using a search engine. I have not had anal sex with my wife because of my penis thickness, and quite a few other past lovers turned me down for the same reason. I have had anal sex with other women who enjoyed anal sex and did it a lot, and had the experience and state of mind to deal with me. I have also had anal sex with an escort who offered it as an extra, so she was able to manage a reasonable frequency. Prostitution is legal here.
     
  5. RodneyBMcThrustin

    RodneyBMcThrustin New Member

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    How about watching adult movies together? I dunno..it's so simple, but like they say, "the couple that watches porn together, stays together."
     
  6. RideNaked2

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    My SO (RideNaked) and I joined here to seek out new things as well as learn. We each have our own account here and when we first joined we each searched the forum then talked about what subject we were reading about.
     
  7. one20inafiftyfive

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    That's probably a good idea. Unfortunately, there's nothing like that around here. We have had fun surfing the net and sharing our finds as far as toys are concerned.

    We don't really "get" role playing. It's not that we're not open to it, but we just don't get it. We acknowledge there are normal folks that do, and it's great for them.

    We tried watching various types or porn together. We watched some classier stuff like X-Art, as well as some amateur and even low brow stuff. My wife says none of it really does it for her.

    That said, it was nice to be able to explore that together. It is as if a veil has been lifted. It's all a bit odd, too. Our relationship began over 20 years ago as friends and ultimately best friends for about 5 years before we ever "fell in love." As a result, we are very close and have excellent communication. Sex was always shoehorned into a romantic/serious category. So, after 16 years of marriage, we finally had playful sex, and as I stated previously, we've entered into a whole new realm.

    I'm so happy I found this forum and that the folks here are honest, open, and classy. Maybe my wife will join this community...I suspect that'll help keep this train going.
     
  8. cbrmale

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    I will go back a step here. A long time ago our sexual life was in a rut and I was also travelling a lot on business and away from home. I met a married woman who was also travelling a lot and staying at the same hotel as I, and we had an affair. It was like a weight lifted. For a start sex with her was more fluid and natural than with my wife, but there was much more to it than that. I didn't realise until it happened that I needed to have sex with another woman. Tension released. The affair continued and my wife became aware of it, and her rule was she was number one in my life.

    Role play is like this. You adopt another personna: if you're the more dominant one you might take on the role of an aggressor; if you're the passive one you might take on the role of a submissive. You design a scenario and a loose script and play the sex like two different people. After it's finished, you have the sexual tension released like I had with my first affair. It's like having sex with another person.

    Our most recent role-play was a simple one. My wife was a maid who was cleaning the room and discovered a large dldo, and I then found her playing with herself with the dildo. I threatened to tell her agency unless she did what I wanted. Other couples go further with role-play: they may pick one-another up in a bar, they may play client and escort and pay for the sex, which means the wife has to be like an escort, which is to take the lead and give her client his money's worth (real escorts do this).

    When you dress up in costume and play the role you slip into the space of another person. I do it easily and my wife struggled at first, but in more recent times she has found it easy to do it (she was very naughty in the recent maid role-play).

    This is something we do only every few months, but it is very good as long as you are serious that you are another person (an escort, a blackmailed maid, an angry employer of that maid, a client looking for an escort to give him a style of sex he doesn't get at home).

    As far as porn goes my wife has watched some classy porn DVDs I have (Le Parfum du D├ęsire is one of the best couples adult movies ever made, but you won't get it outside of France). In any case she professes they don't do anything for her until we have sex. Then it's obvious it HAS done something and there's no doubt she is hot for it. An adult movie followed by sex immediately after might bring suprises.

    Something my wife does enjoy is mainstream erotica rather than porn. There are lot of mainstream films with an over-arching erotic thread, although less new releases today compare to a decade or more ago. Again, sex after an erotic film is genuinely hotter for us.
     
    #8 cbrmale, Mar 11, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2012
  9. Alwayslearningsex

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    Way to go for trying new stuff, AND for the results it brought.
    SO many ideas here, all in your imagination really. One idea may spin more ideas. Tie her up and work the vibrator on her clit, inside - shallow, deep, sides. I seem to repeat exploring every innch since I've had partners who got great results from taking the time to discover every inch.
     
  10. tomakehersmile

    tomakehersmile New Member

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    This has been one of the best strings i've posted in btw :) all very great ideas and stories. We found our specific porn that each of us enjoy the most. I'd suggest from that aspect to surf some of the sites that provide a large variety and get a month subscription to it and let the cards fall. We found what she liked the most which was the rough sex, oral gagging, and gang bangs xD i was dumbfounded and soooo excited to see that she liked those categories. For myself there's nothing i haven't seen so it was again an awesome surprise and i find her surfing stuff while im playing video games lol... Guess i've been slacking in my duties :p.. Role play.. we both want to and have talked about it and plan to for sure.. i know she loves cowboys so i forsee myself buying the hat and some snakeskin boots in the near future :). I loved the ideas posted above for her to roleplay.. i can't decide which one i'd want to see her do more lol..
     
  11. Barbwire

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    I read the title of the thread all wrong and thought it was about two 16 year old newlyweds that wanted sex advice.


    :rofl