Submissive boyfriend is frustrating.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by dansemacabre, Dec 20, 2010.

  1. dansemacabre

    dansemacabre New Member

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    I've known explicitly that my boyfriend is sexually submissive. We talked quite along time ago about the fact that I'm also submissive, and that I'd be unable to dominate him. He assured me he was fine with that, even saying that he'd be happy to take the dominant role in the bedroom himself. I understand I'm being utterly selfish and expecting too much. Admittedly I've just become more and more frustrated with his inability to do it. For example, he knows I'm into dirty talk, but he never seems to make an effort to engage in it. He says he enjoys the things he does do, but it but I find it hard to believe. I love him terribly and we have a wonderful relationship, but I'm worried due to us being so sexually incompatible - Will this ruin our relationship? Will the both of us become too sexually frustrated for it to work? I'm also worried that it's not normal for a man to be so adverse to taking control.
     
  2. blondi

    blondi Member

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    its not abnormal...the guy im with right now is very submissive. i usually initiate sex, i usually introduce new things....yaddayadda but, like you said, our relationship is great. we really have to talk a lot for it to work. and i dont mean just outside of sex. i ask him to do things during sex and he asks me, i felt like i shouldnt have to ask at first but, hes not a mind reader. if your sex life starts to take a toll on your relationship, i might be worried. but until then, just keep talking.
     
  3. justified

    justified New Member

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    my advice to you is to talk to your boyfriend about it, maybe he is a cuckold and would enjoy watching you being dominated by another guy. i know you wouldnt think he would but you never know untill you ask him, if he says no he couldnt let you fuck another person then i think you should move on. why prolong something that is inevitable if people dont have sexual chemistry the relationship will never work period. hope this helps.
     
  4. Jonger84

    Jonger84 New Member

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    Well .. I miss having girls like you around me :)
     
  5. Silverback

    Silverback Member

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    Like other posters have said; talk to him, explain what you want. If he is submissive and is not confident to initiate things you will have to. You know what is in your head and what you want. For example, you know if you want tying up and whipping, go out buy the restraints and whip yourself and talk him through what you want. Like Blondi said talk to him while you're having sex, it will build his confidence with the situation. If the rest of the relationship is great then it is worth working at the sex, besides you will both enjoy the journey exploring the sex
     
  6. dansemacabre

    dansemacabre New Member

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    justified, I hadn't considered this.

    To be quite honest I've had it with the situation. My respect for him is waning to the point of resentment, so I think cuckolding could be a satisfying solution if it was to his taste. Such a scenario could address the needs of both parties.
     
  7. cbrmale

    Gold Member

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    I'm reading 'submissive' as 'passive', and I understand the problem. Unless it's resolved, it will result in an affair or the end of the relationship. Sexual compatibility is very important, as are many other compatibilities, but very few relationships survive long-term sexual frustration and anguish.

    I'm not sure that passivity is a cuckold fetish, but then this would depend on other aspects of his personality which we don't know about. Someone who is always eager to please and gaining a lot of pleasure helping others would tend towards sexually passivity, while someone who is more confident and perhaps selfish would tend to be sexually active (confident to know what they do is good, and selfish enough to do it).
     
  8. justified

    justified New Member

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    im interested to know how it works out and what he says please keep me updated. im very dominant in bed but with the girl even i like to see her getting filled up by another man you would be surprised how many guys feel the same. goodluck.
     
  9. LovedUp

    LovedUp New Member

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    my current boyfriend used to be dominant with his past relationships, and dont get me wrong he's not submissive, but he doesn't bring anything new to sex. I'll be watching this thread for some advice :)
    E x
     
  10. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    To the OP, one question, if I may - you describe him as being sexually submissive. Is he submissive in other aspects of your relationship?
     
  11. dansemacabre

    dansemacabre New Member

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    htoad, I guess he is. Some might see him as being 'layed back', he seems to prefer me making decisions about day-to-day things ie. Where we're going for the day, what's for dinner, what to watch on TV etc. He's generally a very passive person too.

    PS, thanks for the replies everyone.
     
  12. FlirtyChick

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    The key is to both talk about what you want and keep communication open. You are frustrated, and you need to communicate that in a loving way. Sex issues, like money, can affect your relationship if not resolved. Good luck.
     
  13. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    Interesting. Is your frustration just with his passivity during sex, or also in those other areas? If he is passive in those areas I can see why he carries that into the bedroom.

    Two reasons I observe with passive people that can be a problem: when they are passive due to laziness (they would rather let someone else make all the decisions) or due to fear (they are afraid of making decisions). In both cases a lot has to do with not wanting to be responsible for making a decision or taking a course of action. They are scared to death of being "wrong", so it is easier - out of laziness or fear" - to leave the decisions and/or actions up to others. This makes them feel safe. If he is lazy, then he needs to be pushed to start making decisions. If he is fearful, he needs to be reassured that the world will not end if he makes a decision that does not work out. But you have to decide how far you want to push him down whichever of these paths he is on (if he is on either of them).

    Their is a difference between being "laid back" and being passive, one can be laid back but still decisive (I tend to fall into that category).