Stupid attention problem..

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by burton, May 6, 2007.

  1. burton

    burton New Member

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    Alright.. so first off, i'm extremely embarrassed and feel vulnerable talking about this, as it is something that's personal and bothers me..
    So, when my girlfriend and i, who've been together for nearly a year, when we are one on one, i love our time together. We have no problems are are perfectly happy :)
    When we are in group situations it's a lot of fun too, but for some reason which i cannot find out i feel, not quite upset, not mad, not overwhelmed, the feeling i get i can't really describe. maybe a little jealousy? Now I realize the feeling i get is due to unreasonable and selfish means.. when she gives other people attention for some stupid reason it bothers me!! Now I KNOW it shouldn't, I don't want her change that and i don't want her to not give people attention. That would not solve any problem if she didn't give other people attention since thats clearly what anyone should do when they're with other people.

    But for some reason, and it's one i can't figure out, I'm not as happy as when it's just us one on one.. I hate how I feel when it occurs and what I want to know is if it happens to other people and WHY i feel this way and how i can not feel this way. I am always telling myself to stop feeling this way about something so stupid and unreasonable, but at the same time when i tell myself it's not something for anyone to get worked up about, i still cant help that feeling. I know i need to relax and not worry about it, and i don't wish she had all her attention directed towards me. But when it's not all towards me, I'm not as happy. And that is what is driving me nuts, because i want to be just as happy, and i know i should, but i can't figure out WHY it bothers me and HOW to stop that bad feeling?! any helpful input?
     
  2. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    I get that...
    i am dreading hanging out with my boyfriends and his mates this saturday
    coz i know he'll give attention to them more then me and ill feel left out
    i dunno
    selfish it is
    but its hard for me
    i have a reason
    my ex was hated by everyone
    so i never had to put up with a popular boyfriend lol
     
  3. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    You need to get yourself into conversation with someone... ignore her a little like?
    Thats what i do and then i'm fine.
     
  4. burton

    burton New Member

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    yeah, if i do that its fine, but that still doesn't fix the problem, it's still there when my conversation is over. i just want a solution for when i'm not directing my attention else where while she's not giving me attention to not feel the way i feel. ya know? maybe i'll see a therapist, i think i will
     
  5. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    Hug her from behind...
    get involved in her conversation?
    unless its girly
     
  6. burton

    burton New Member

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    i know i know, but without doing all that, on my own, i want to not feel this way ya know? If i do, i'll do all those things you name, but i'd like to initially not feel that way. maybe you just cant help that feeling? she told me that she gets that sometimes, but i know i get it more, and that's why i want to know .. why?
     
  7. miss mary

    miss mary New Member

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    hi - well if i understand you correctly, you want her all to yourself but realize that's not reasonable. that sounds healthy to me. you love her and want to be with her all the time, but know you're not the only one in her life. there's nothing wrong with emotions, they are healthy. as long as you don't act on it and start making unreasonable demands on her i don't see anything wrong. maybe you can turn the feeling around - start thinking about later on in the night when you will have her all to yourself... for me anticipation is the greatest part of when i get my boyfriend to myself
     
  8. Joe

    Joe
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    Your feelings don't sound that strange to me. When you really like someone, you enjoy having their full attention. That's normal, but when you're in a group situation, it's not possible. Still, being with others is healthy and necessary for a well-balanced social/school/business life. I'd guess you tend to be introverted -- your comfort zone is limited to those with whom you feel the closest, and that's not bad, but you need to push yourself a little to enjoy being with others as well.

    My wife and I really treasure our alone time, but one of the things we enjoy the most is talking about our experiences of the day -- interactions with others. "He said ..., she said ..., I said ..., and then they ..., so we all .... I thought it was .... She should have .... He is such a ...."

    When I ask Sweetie about her day, the answer can last for hours! Do you understand what I'm saying? We NEED others in our lives a little or we'd be bored to death with each other after a few weeks. We'd BE boring people.

    When you go to a party, make each other your anchors, but pull up anchor and drift part of the time. Then when you're alone you'll appreciate each other even more.

    I don't think you need to talk to a therapist, but if you think it will help, do so. He/she will likely tell you the same things you've read here.
     
  9. burton

    burton New Member

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    you're right, i appreciate what you've suggested and i'll try to start seeing it that way.

    Hmm, i think this is a good way to start thinking by turning it around, thanks :)