[Ask a Guy] Stress, frustration, anger - no sex?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by Polly, Sep 16, 2012.

  1. Polly

    Polly Member

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    Ok so we've been married over 3 years, together 8 years and for the first time ever he hasn't been in the mood for sex. I've always been a little insecure of myself so this has felt like a huge rejection to me. He swears it's not me, it's this thing he's been dealing with at work (he's beefing with a co-worker and it got the the point of them almost fighting the other day). I know this has been taking a toll on him because he's been so stressed and angry about the situation..... but never in a million years did I think it would affect our sex life this much.

    Guess I was just so sure that he was the typical male stereotype; needing a lot of sex to get stress, anger and such out of his system :ugh

    How do you men on here deal with these things? No sex or lots of sex?
     
  2. 33stack

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    Stress definitely does affect sex life. Be patient. As soon as he feels pressure from you, it will compound the problem. Try not to make him feel guilty.
     
  3. Clintriprock

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    One time means nothing. Several times in a row then I'd start worrying about it
     
  4. Logger

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    Stress at work can affect my sexual ability to perform.

    If try the co-worker is being beligerant, The Suzette Elgin books might be helpful. Basically, if a co-worker is being annoying, try to act bored, and respond with pleasant gibberish. You can ask your husband to role-play practicing the Boring Baroque Response.
    "Well I am trying to be cooperative, so let me know how I can be a better co-worker, maybe there is some approach I can work differenctly, what would you like me to change?, etc.etc."

    Let your husband practice giving the co-worker pleasant BS.


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    #4 Logger, Sep 16, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2012
  5. litemyfire

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    OK................forget about the work stress thing...............and I don't mean that in a harsh way............sex does releive stress..........but lets work this from a different angle..........have you thought of and/or tried what I am about to suggest........and the reason I say forget about the stress is if you do what I suggest the stress will go away.......

    You want your sex life to get back on track and be better than ever before............then do what a women can do best.......and if it means getting out of your comfort zone then do it............Here is my suggestion...........men crave exciting sex.........things that allot of women don't feel comfort about doing........

    Plan a sex thrilled night for him and you.........go out and buy the sexiest outfit you can find..........it doesn't have to be lingerie...........get a tight black skirt or dress,.a fancy lace bra, a lace thong and some black thigh high stockings with the lace tops............buy a pair of stiletto heels..........

    It has to be something that he would never expect you to wear in a million years but probably fantasizes about all the time........

    If you don't already dress this way or he has never seen you dressed that way I guarantee you are going to get a great response and a rise out of him...........

    Men fantasize about seeing their wives dress in this provoctative sexy way but allot of times they will never express this desire for fear that their wives will think they are a horrible person for wanting such a thing...........

    Along with the wardrobe you have to act the part...........don't be sheepish about it...........do it with an aire of confidence........even walk in a sexy way....if you don't know how there is plenty of web site that you can google to learn how to walk in a sexy manor...........play the sex kitten part all the way............make sure to do the make up thing.....eyes in color, lashes long and dark, bright colored lip stick.........

    what ever way he is us to seeing you is what you want to get as far away from............do your hair in a sexy style that he has never seen before..........I'm sure you are getting the point............

    Now don't do this with his prior knoledge...........arrange it soooo it is a total surprise..........even wear a long coat over the outfit........and then tease him as you come onto him.....make him want to see what is hidden away.........

    Remember this is your husband........no one else is going to see you like this so feel comfortable about doing it with him.........sooooo many wives out there don't understand the male mind....and that desire that we have but are afraid to express for fear of being redaculed and embarrassed buy their wives.........we men crave new things to try sexually and it can get old if you don keep it fresh and exciting.............

    Do this and just watch his stress melt away and how much desire he has for you............so many women will use the excuse to not do this by saying why can't he just love me and be excited about me for who I am.........What a bunch of BS........their just afraid to get out of their comfort zone.

    Let me tell you he does love you but a marriage and especially sex can get old if something isn't done to spice it up.........sooooooo give him what every man desires if you want the sex to be exciting again........

    when he see you like that the visual memory and the way you act will be engrained in his mind forever...........

    Now after you've done this for him you need to express to him very honestly what kind of affection it is that you desire.......and he should be willing, happy and eager to please you..........

    Be sure to take it all the way........don't compromise......for example if your not use to wearing stiletto heels don't wear some little pumps and expect it to work........ it will reuin the overall effect.......instead get them and practice walking in them until you are ready to make it look good.........and I have heard women say I can walk in heels well for allot of them it doesn't come natural.......so if that is you then do what I suggest........

    Sooooooooooo spice it up girl and watch what happens!!!!!

    If you do this............be sure to come back here and let us know how great it worked out!!!!
     
    #5 litemyfire, Sep 16, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2012
  6. Polly

    Polly Member

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    Hey thanks for that lite - I will definitely keep this in mind and keep you guys posted... not sure when it will happen (don't have a wardrobe like that right now) but yeah, this is an idea I'm going to think about. Thanks again :D
     
  7. Logger

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    How much time do you spend topless at home? In the marital bedroom? How available are you for working on the morning erection?


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  8. Polly

    Polly Member

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    We are actually both very fond of early morning sex. Not big on the topless thing though :ugh
     
  9. mrcock

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    if I'd get seriously offended I wouldn't be able to have sex

    if I at my own eyes would seem like a shit, then I'd be wasting time at general existance position. what I am worth? it would be the time, when I'd have to be alone, and not a single something could be near me

    I can't explaine you this. you understand it or you don't
     
  10. Logger

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    Pollly:

    "We are actually both very fond of early morning sex. Not big on the topless thing though."

    Certainly there may be many valid reasons not to give your husband eye candy. But since you are not providing your husband with visual enjoyment of your nipples, then I am glad I brought this up. For men, visual enjoyment of breasts is a part of sexual satiation and arousal. This is why Playboy and porn are so popular with men. Research has found that there is a difference betweent the male and female sex drive, in that men are more receptive to porn images than women. Many women find men's enjoyment of porn offensive. So your Mother, Sisters and girl friends probably will not know, or will not tell you, that men enjoy looking at boobs of all sizes.

    Many wives are unaware of how much pleasure just taking off your top gives to a husband. Changing positions, or tightening pectoral muscles, whether breasts are large or small, watching breasts move, generally gives visual pleasure to a husband. Even just being still. Are there any reasons you might be willing to share, for why you deprive your husband of simple visual pleasures?

    I tell my wife, "Let me enjoy the beauty of your breasts, let me take off your top. Put your hands over your head." I tug at her top, till it comes off. Sometimes my wife wears a bra to bed, and I first unsnap the bra, so I can pull off the bra, with the top.


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    #10 Logger, Sep 18, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2012
  11. SexologistHlp

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    If he is really stressed and you guys have had an open talk about he not being able to have sex coz of an issue, then depending on his emotional behavior, he may get offended if you take a very bold sexual step (the wild cat act)

    I guess what you can do is while he is sleeping, get naked or topless and sleep. When he wakes up in the morning start sucking him and if needed just give him a blow job. It may not be a very sexy session for you but it will send a strong signal to him about your sexual needs and your selfless gesture. If everything goes well he will give you nice fuck in the morning. Either ways in the coming days, you can slowly start getting bolder and open up and do a lot more sexual acts like the wild cat thingi :p

    Hope this helps.
     
  12. Logger

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    I enjoy touching my wife's nipples when my wife is resting. I put the middle of her nipple in the middle of the palm of my hand, sometimes. Sometimes I put my eye against her nipple, and blink my eyes, or just hold still. Sometimes I put my dry lips around her nipple, and just enjoy dry touching.

    I feel I receive energy from my wife's nipples. Theoretically, ther are extra nerve endings in lips and women's nipples, and eyes, that might give an increased feeling of pleasure. The size of the breasts does not seem to affect the feelings I get from nipples, in my past expereince. I appreciate it when my wife goes topless.



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