Strap-ons revisited

Discussion in 'Sexual Fetishes and Fantasies' started by Barbwire, Aug 8, 2007.

  1. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Ok, so a coupla months ago, hubby and I went to a toy store and bought a strap-on with a few attachments. We used it once, and it was a so-so experience for a number of reasons.

    He and I talked last night, and he wants me to do it again, now here's the part I'm not sure how to approach him with... I didn't like doing it to him, and I don't want to do it again. OK, before you tell me to do it because I love him and should please him, yes, I know that, and I WILL do it. What I need help with is figuring out a way of doing it so it doesn't bother me.

    The main reason why I didn't like it is, in MY opinion, (please make sure you read that part, before you continue to read) him wanting me to thrust into him like that makes him seem effeminate. Also, I don't want to be dominant, in that way, not now, not ever. I would not mind sucking his penis while using a dildo in his ass, but I can't bear the thought of taking the male role and stroking into him.

    I know what he wants, and I want to give it to him, but I don't know how to get around my feelings and just do it.

    Some advice, please.

    Edited to add: I am sorry if my position on this offends anyone that really enjoys it, it was not my intent. My intent was to get educated and perhaps change my line of thinking.
     
    #1 Barbwire, Aug 8, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2007
  2. Hertoy

    Hertoy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2007
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Hey CL! Okay....where to start. Does he assume a feminine role, I mean act like it when you are fucking him? Or is that just what in your mind you are thinking? If its not him acting like it and its just your mindset then you might can work on it a little. Think of it as playing a role in one of your great stories. Turn it around be his prisoner that he is making to do this to him. Sorry if none of this makes any sense its just what I thought off the top of my head!!
     
  3. Joe

    Joe
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2005
    Messages:
    1,681
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Rocky Mountains
    It's good to see another point of view, and I can see how you'd feel that way. Sorry, I've got no advice. I'll be watching this thread, however.

    I had never considered being on the receiving end of a strap-on (or ANY end, for that matter), until a couple years ago my wife was giving me a full body massage like the one in the link Kronnie posted last week -- her whole, oiled-up body sliding up and down my whole, oiled-up backside. I got so turned on by it that I wished she was wearing a strap-on. We joked about it afterwards, but she was not keen on the idea, so we've not talked about it since then.

    Your viewpoint, how you'd feel about him being effeminate, makes me glad we never tried it. I'd hate to have her feel that way about me.
     
  4. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Hertoy, I wrote about the whole experience in this thread http://www.sexualforums.com/talk/showthread.php?t=9689

    I guess I really do have hangups about this because just reading these words in your post , "I mean act like it when you are fucking him?" just made my skin crawl. I don't really want to be the fucker, only the fuckee. (sigh)

    You would have to know my husband to know that the possibility of role play is out of the question, but thanks for your thoughts.

    Joe, thanks for your thoughts, too.
     
  5. AndrewD

    AndrewD New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2007
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    I guess I can understand your point of view CL. I was worried about that same issue, only for the reverse reason, the first time my g/f used a dildo on me and a strap on is just about the biggest role reversal you can play.

    Question: Would you feel the same giving him a hand job while he’s passive?
     
  6. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    No, I would not feel the same. I have done it and have no issues with it. What are you getting at?
     
  7. cook74

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2007
    Messages:
    3,858
    Likes Received:
    5,894
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    I understand that you love him CL, and want him to be happy but should it not work in reverse as well. What I mean is, if it's something you don't want to do, then he should realize that and desist.
     
  8. Hertoy

    Hertoy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2007
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sorry CL! Didn't mean to upset you. I don't think there is one thing wrong with wanting to keep the roles normal in the bedroom. Just explain to him that you would love to use the dildo on him while sucking or playing with him, but the strap-on is to bothersome and kinda weird for you. I'm sure he will understand, if he likes it that much the dildo in your hand can probaly do much more for him than the strap on.
     
  9. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Cook, the thing is, I have not told him I don't like it. After we did it that first time, it was never brought up again until the other night. I was kind of hoping he'd forgotten about the harness and such. :ugh

    He is a very reserved man in bed and doesn't ask for anything, ever. Everything I do for him I do because it is my idea and because I want to do it. For instance, he has never once asked for a blowjob, yet he gets them all the time. Any new position we try is one I suggest. The strap-on is the one thing he has asked for, and I feel like a bitch for not wanting to do it for him.

    I was chatting with someone via IM about this last night, and he basically told me to stop thinking about it and just do it. I think he's right. Bring on the harness and tequila! :dgrin
     
  10. cook74

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2007
    Messages:
    3,858
    Likes Received:
    5,894
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    If you are going to drink tequila just remember the lemon and salt. Good luck CL.
     
  11. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Hertoy, we must have posted at the same time. No need to apologize, you didn't upset me.
     
  12. Hertoy

    Hertoy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2007
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Got ya! [EVIL] I gues viva Cuervo it is then![/EVIL]
     
  13. eandvk

    eandvk Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2005
    Messages:
    530
    Likes Received:
    20
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    illinois
    You sound to me as a great partner CL, wanting to please and satisfy your Hub........but I dont think any amount of tequila will remove the thoughts and ideas that bother you , especially from reading all your entrys in this section. The alcohol may aid you at that moment you are doing the act, but what about afterwards...perhaps the next day when alcohols worn off! Like Joe mentioned earlier...I certainly wouldnt want my wife thinking of me as effeminite......My wife who has many gay friends and associates at work...also has the same thinking as you do CL..........although Ive never had those desires of my wife using a strap-on on me, when we have joked about it, her viewpoint is very similair to yours.
     
  14. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2007
    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    AZ
    I normaly would say talk about it but you have done that and with someone who does not like to talk about such things. I understand about his not asking also. The tequila may be the best answer.
     
  15. strapyboy

    strapyboy New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2007
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    SF
    :( When we started anal play/strap on, we had some of the same issues. I guess what really leveled everything was that we both had asses. What I could do for her, she could do for me. And it's a really intense feeling. We didn't really have any effeminate problems, since I've never been a very manly guy. It is nice to not be in charge like that though. When she is doing me, it's really about giving myself up to her and letting her take control and having that submissive emotional response. Let's just say, when she is doing me, I do not feel de-masculinated. I feel, comforted. It's now just another part of our sex life, although an extremely taboo part reserved for special occasions. I dunno if that helps any, but I would not like to think of my gf as being less feminine during sex and I don't feel that way when she's doing me. So maybe just a different way of approaching it.
     
  16. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    I find it interesting that no women have replied, yet. I was kind of hoping to get a woman's perspective on this in addition to a man's.

    strapyboy, one thing you said gave me an epiphany. You said, "I dunno if that helps any, but I would not like to think of my gf as being less feminine during sex and I don't feel that way when she's doing me."

    My husband's x-wife left him for a woman. He never saw it coming and he was crushed and demasculated by the whole experience. Because of that, I have been careful not to let him ever doubt my sexual orientation, which is easy enough, as I'm as straight as straight gets.

    The only time I've ever seen strap-ons used is in porn and it's always two women using them, in my eyes making it an act lesbians take part in. I did not even know that women used them on men until I came to SF and read about it.

    So, I guess I have two things to overcome. 1. Me seeing him as somewhat girlie by wanting it done and 2. Me seeing myself as somewhat manly by doing it to him.

    I don't know if I'll ever wrap my head around this. (sigh)

    *Once again, I want to apologize if I worded this so it offends anyone, it was not my intention.
     
  17. Sir Kill Jerk

    Sir Kill Jerk New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    middle of everywhere
    My wife read this post and doesn't feel the same way. We haven't tried it yet, but she says she can't wait to buy a strap-on and give it a go.
     
    petergozinya likes this.
  18. jwgh

    jwgh Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2015
    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Think of the delicious pleasure you get from your pussy....that's the pleasure he can from you skillfully fucking him in his ass. When my wife is experiencing her orgasmic ecstasy these are every bit of special moments for me to see her writhing in pure sexual pleasure. In essence, his ass because HIS pussy for you to pleasure. On a hot night, my wife will take control and FUCK ME all over the room and at some point I will uncontrollably shoot my goo everywhere and because it satisfies me it pleases her.
     
  19. Northside

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2009
    Messages:
    751
    Likes Received:
    316
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Colorado
    This post is over eight years old! Barbwire or Cowboy lover is a great gal but we haven't heard from her in quite a while now.
     
    HotForHoney likes this.