Strange situation in every possible way

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by DarkJewel, Dec 6, 2010.

  1. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

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    Hi guys,I'm new to this site and find it very interesting so far!
    This is my first thread,so I'll give you some back round information on myself.


    I have been married for almost 14 years.I married young,when I was only 20, and my husband is 6 years older then I'am.Both of us came from very dysfunctional families where our parents have been married like,4 times.
    Because of our parents,neither of us ever really wanted to get married.
    But we did,because we had a kid and wanted to be a family,the kind we felt neither of us ever really had.

    We have lived pretty lonely these last 6 or so years as constant fighting with our families has made us isolate ourselves from them.It has always been just three of us,my husband,and daughter and I.

    Well,the last two years or so,we have drifted apart some.
    Our daughter is teen now and has her own life and friends,so my husband and I had to try to find lives.I know that sounds lame,but we really didn't have many friends either.
    My husband got totally addicted to this online game.Started playing it 24/7. I got a facebook and started reconnecting with old friends.

    This one guy who used to have a crush on my sister started emailing me,and we developed a friendship.We emailed each other a few times a week and usually they were pretty long.Always remained just cordial,no SEXUAL overtones at all.
    I also have to add up front that I was not attracted to him in any way.
    But we are a lot alike.Both socially awkward and nervous people without many friends.
    After several months of talking,he felt comfortable enough to tell me he is not only a virgin,he has never even had a real kiss before.You may think I'm just gullible and that can't be true,a 31 year old virgin,but I assure you absolutely he was.We began talking about sex and he lots of questions about it that he hoped I could answer for him.

    I had no problems doing this,and knowing his situation helped me understand him more.I felt sorry for him.
    He told me about his attempts with women,and it sounded like they just used him for money but wouldn't have sex with him.I laughed that if I wasn't married I would help him out since he was becoming such a good friend.I trusted him and he was always there to listen when something was going on with me.But I had no desire to "help" him because I didn't want to ruin my marriage over something like that.

    So anyways,we talked for a year before we finally agreed to get together in person.At that time my husband was totally ignoring me and seemed to have little interest in what I was doing at all.But I still did not want to cheat.

    However,when we got together,there was this attraction there I didn't expect to find.And we were so comfortable together, like we had been friends our whole lives.

    So I'm sure you can see where this is going.That we ended up having sex.
    He shook the whole time,and really had no clue what he was doing...We decided we would meet again though and the next time he was much better and I was trying to help him learn stuff.

    Well,I have never been a liar.It's just not my style cuz I have too guilty a conscience.So I came clean and told my husband.At first,yes he was upset.We went a few days without speaking and when we did speak,we argued.
    But my husband knew he'd been neglecting me emotionally as well as physically.He knew whether he liked it or not,he shared part of the blame in how the situation occurred.

    So he came around.
    He agreed to let me continue seeing him and helping learn.I told him I didn't want to leave him and our daughter,that they were my life.This guy was just a friend that cared for and was trying to help.

    I agreed to let him see other women as well,but he said he wasn't really interested.
    So I email this other guy still, and occasionally we text but we do not talk in front of my husband.Every week or so we get together for a few hours at a hotel and I let my husband know everything that is going on and agreed to always use protection.

    I told my husband a while ago that being with two guys is a fantasy of mine,but he always made it clear that he was not cool with it.
    Anyhow,very recently he has told me he has been thinking about me and the other guy and getting very turned on by the whole thing.

    So now he is agreeing to have a MFM threesome! The other guy is so grateful to me that he has said he would do ANYTHING to please me as well.
    So,it looks as though this may be in my future.:naughtydance

    So my extremely long winded question here is for any advice on Open relationships as well as MFM threesomes.
    I have to admit it's pretty intimating,but both my husband and I are really into this after a fairly vanilla sex life the last 14 years....
     
  2. HayleyB

    HayleyB New Member

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    I am in an open relationship, but It was an open relationship from the start and it works very well for us. We have been together for nearly eight years now and I have had a friend who I have been sleeping with for more than 12 years. We both have the occasional one night stand with men and women and have have had multiple partners at swingers parties. My partner has never had sex with my lover though, and I know neither of them would be cool with it.

    I would warn you to be VERY careful about what you are doing here. Turning fantasy into reality isn't always as easy or as straight forward as you may think. If your husband isn't absolutely 100% ok with this and secure with himself, then things will definately become complicated very quickly. If your husband has even the slightest tendancy to get jealous, I would say it was a very bad idea. I have seen things go very badly with couple before when they weren't prepared for this It is something that you have to be really sure of.

    For many people it can work and work really well, but for others it can be a train wreck.
     
  3. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

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    Thank you Hayley B,this is the kind of thing I need to hear.
    I think I'm more nervous then either one of them are...
    because of the reasons you listed.Someone possibly getting jealous or something.

    We think we should all start hanging out together and that if it feels uncomfortable at all then we would not go through with it.

    My husband has been in FMF threeways before our marriage and I have as well,just neither of us in a MFM before.
    And of course the virgin has not either (I know he is no longer a virgin now, but that is what I'll refer to him as here)

    The odd thing is that it was my husband's idea to do this.I was fine with not having it happen.Which leads me to believe he was probably bored with our sex life as well.

    I'm going to tread slowly here though before I go through with anything.
    I really appreciate your response!
     
  4. SWGirl

    SWGirl New Member

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    I'm not sure how this post-virgin man feels about you, but do you think he may be getting a bit of an attachment to you after you being his "first"? That could definitely complicate things in your marriage because then it's not just about sex, it's about intimacy.
     
  5. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

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    Yeah at this point I have decided to hold off on the threesome idea.
    My husband is on board and the post virgin is,but I'am not so sure about it.
    I'm thinking the IDEA seems very hot but the reality of this situation may not be.
    Things could get too complicated for sure.

    Thanks for the advice...
    My stomach has been in knots for weeks now not being able to talk to anyone about this