Stay with the girlfriend?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by p00shy, Oct 23, 2007.

  1. p00shy

    p00shy New Member

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    Alrighty here is my story.

    i have gotten my first girlfriend ever. shes sweet and nice and all the good stuff. we started going out in july. she was my first girlfriend but i wasnt her first boyfriend. she had had a boyfriend in january who she was with only for a month. after they broke up, she offered herself to him and they had unprotected sex. then in early july when we were talking to each other and we both liked each other, she went to a party and got drunk and willingly had sex with some random guy from work. After we started to go out, 3 weeks later she tells me these things. i cannot forget it and honestly i cannot forgive it. finding this out changed the whole perspective i had of her. now shes a slut in my eyes. she wasnt together with any of them yet had a one night stand with them. remember shes only 19. i am 19 also. what do i do? what should i do? i kind of want to call her out and call her a slut in front of everyone. but i dont want to be mean. it makes me angry to know that she has slept with 2 other guys just for fun pretty much. and now shes with me. shes in love with me she says but im not in love with her anymore. what do i do? what should i think? i cant forget it and i cant forgive it. ive tried so hard to forget it but it hurts too much.
     
  2. Melissa29

    Melissa29 New Member

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    Hmm... this is a tough one...

    I can understand where you're coming from... my first relationship was similar; I had never been with anyone, and the person I was with at the time had been a bit "loose" about giving themselves away, even at a young age... we ended up breaking up because it just didnt work out, but I was always very hurt that we would never experience things together for the first time, and also that I felt like I woujld just be another notch in the bedpost.

    What to do? Ultimately that is of course up to you... I suggest (from loads of experience:) ) that getting it all out in the open is the best policy if you truly want to be happy... tell her what you think and how you feel about it! I would caution against making relationship decisions right now though, as it seems you are still pretty upset about the whole situation... part of life is making mistakes, and also accepting others' mistakes... however, people rarely do 180's overnight, so keep that in mind as well. I would say for right now, talk with her. I know you're still sort of new, but there is no good in hiding your feelings. The worst that can happen if you are honest is much better than holding it in and killing yourself that way. Let us know how things work out!
     
  3. Bluesy

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    Pooshy, if the circumstances were right, would you have a fling or a one-night stand? (Assuming you weren't in a relationship at the time.)
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Seems like a no-brainer to me. You obviously have no respect for this girl, you called her a "slut". You've made your judgement and condemned her. Just end the relationship and find a girl more "perfect" in your eyes.
     
  5. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Damn I'm agreeing with CL to much.
    WALK

    Hiker
     
  6. p00shy

    p00shy New Member

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    Its not that ive condemned her. she called herself one when she told me everything. CL

    and if the circumstances were right bluesy, i wouldnt. as hard as it is to believe for a guy to pass it up, i wouldnt.

    and thanks melis, your advice was the best so far.

    hiker....
     
  7. Barbwire

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    Why did you even post this thread if you don't love her? What's the point? Just end it.
     
  8. Joe

    Joe
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    "i cant forget it and i cant forgive it. ive tried so hard to forget it but it hurts too much."

    Then let her go!

    I think you're being WAY too hard on her, but if you mean what you said, why prolong the agony?
     
  9. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Listen to the answers.
     
  10. AnonymousOne

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    OH MY GOD!
    Someone stole all of your capital letters! :lol
     
  11. Bluesy

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    It isn't hard to believe at all. I've known guys who feel the exact same way. I was wondering whether you were being hypocritical or not, and now I see that you aren't.

    I have to agree with Joe that you're being unduly hard on her, but when I say that I'm referring to the word "slut". I understand that you feel betrayed and disappointed, but that doesn't mean her behavior was wrong. It means that the two of you share differing sexual philosophies; she acted according to her own perception of right/wrong, the two of you weren't technically involved...she didn't owe you fidelity at the time. Yes, I would've been crushed if I'd been in your shoes, but I would ultimately realize that what this boils down to is a clash in values. If it's important to you to be with someone who shares your sexual ideology, go find them. But don't be angry with her, because I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you. It's a crushing disappointment for you, I'm sure, but I promise you'll get past it and be Ok.
     
  12. loveit247

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    Dude, that sounds extreemly immature. I am not trying to be mean here, I am just saying what I feel. You want to call her a slut in front of everyone??? What is wrong with you! You say you don't love her. Well duh! True love takes a long time to build and you have to nurture it.

    Walk away before you hurt this girl.
     
    #12 loveit247, Oct 24, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 24, 2007
  13. XIII

    XIII New Member

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    You just need to talk to her and find out what kind of relationship you want to have. If you just want to be f**k buddies then it shouldn't bother you but if you want more you must discuss it with her. Stand on the same ground. Maybe she isn't the type of long term relationship material you're currently looking for. Configure that in your head and just have fun with her. But just remember that you must both agree on what you want from one another and if not move on.
     
  14. Melissa29

    Melissa29 New Member

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    I think we're all being a bit too rash in our judgements here...

    Yes, I agree the calling her out in front of everyone is a bit much; you seemed upset at the time, and I hope you still don't want to publicly belittle her like that...

    As for what you should do? Really, you need to be true to yourself. If you can't find a truthful, honest peace being with her, then in my opinion you should tell her and consider ending the relationship. That is of course up to you (and her really, once you TALK to her:) ) I disagree with some of the above posts that would have you keep her for "fun" or just forget about it because you're being immature? I didn't get any of that at all actually... sounds like you are just troubled because all of a sudden you have found out some truths about someone you care for that conflict with some of your basic values... perfectly normal to be a little upset and confused:)

    Please, you need to tell her. Everything. How you feel, how you feel about her, how what she has done makes you feel, how you are confused about whether or not you can be happy with her, how you value different things in life... see where it leads you. Just do keep a straight head, and realize that everyone makes mistakes, and one day when you do something REALLY stupid that hurts someone you care for, I'm sure you will at the very least want to be treated justly and with an open mind... so don't give her the iron fist:) but do be honest with your feelings. Let us know how things turn out!
     
  15. Dreama

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    I don't think you should judge a person. She wasn't really with you at the time, anyway. But, if you don't even love her, why did you go out with her? If your answer is, 'I loved her when I didn't know she did that', then you never loved her in the first place. Just end the relationship already.
     
  16. cook74

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    The use of the word "slut" totally threw me. :tsktsk

    I can understand that we all say irrational things when we are frustrated though, so good luck sorting it out Pushy.
     
  17. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    You need to break up with this girl if you feel that way... because that is a messed up way to feel towards your girl.

    I don't believe in casual sex, or drinking, using drugs etc.

    I grew up in a tough environment where drugs, sex and violence where all mixed in together. I decided to try and make myself a better person and rise above all of that... I know you could give two left balls about my life history, but you will see my point below.

    I met my g/f two years ago almost to the day (Oct 14th).

    I discovered how she had one night stands with different guys.. she smoked weed, and she used to get crazy drunk. All stuff I really look down upon - but I tried to never impose my morals on others.

    This was the ultimate test when i found out from her friends and her, about how she was before we met.

    I decided I was only going to judge her actions in the present, and not hold her past against her. That would of been totally unfair...

    I never once thought she was a slut.. a weed head.. or a drunk.. just that she was young and having fun.. and made mistakes.

    I never loved her any less when I found out.. and the fact you feel your girl is a slut is messed up, like I said.
     
  18. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    I think it's pretty crappy that you've decided she's a slut. Who cares if she called herself one? You can either get over it and realize she's a human and makes mistakes, or stop wasting her time and find someone more for your taste.
     
  19. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Very good advice FliteSkates.

    Hiker
     
  20. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    Its in the past, move on! If you really like this girl don't hold her past faults against her. Today is a new day, and its going to be a great day! Put the past behind you and be with her today, tomorrow, and if it works, in the future. Good luck