Spouses who don't want sex

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Repus, Apr 23, 2014.

  1. Repus

    Repus New Member

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    You hear alot about married couples who dont have sex very often. Is it really that common? Does this make it ok for the other spouse to cheat? I have a brother and sister in law who according to my wife,havent had sex in months and they only 50 yrs old. Im 52 and my wife is 50 and she doesnt want sex but maybe 1-2 times a month. Hell, i dont want a divorce, I truely love her but I want more sex.
    To address replies I know will come: Im in good shape, I help around the house, I support my wife in every way shape and form.
     
  2. AGFUNK

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    We have sex about once or twice a week now, leaning more towards once a week. Either way I wouldn't cheat. I'm the one with the higher sex drive.

    Have you talked to her. Open and honest communication is really a must one that I am also working on with my husband. Also hormones change drastically at that age.
     
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  3. Repus

    Repus New Member

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    We've talked alot and yes her hormones have been going crazie. Shes been working on that with the doctor. At this point in time i'd kill for 1-2 a week.
     
  4. Repus

    Repus New Member

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  5. AGFUNK

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    Something I've been hearing a lot is that the amount of sex changes over time and sometimes you just gotta masturbate instead. Think of it this way at least you're still having sex. There's people that don't have sex at all in their marriages. Still does not condone cheating at all.
     
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  6. Repus

    Repus New Member

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    I'm not sure I agree. While I have had the oppertunity in the past but did not act on them, I'm not sure I would pass on one now. I believe a healthy sex life is part of a healthy marriage. Every time Ive gotten close to something happening, I have a change of heart because I dont want to hurt my wife, but Im not sure how much longer I'll hold out.
     
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  7. AGFUNK

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    You want a healthy marriage but are willing to hurt your wife so you can get sex elsewhere. That's horrible.
     
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  8. xeniadraven

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    I think talking it over is the first thing to do and help your wife to understand how important it is to you. Some people can live without sex but others simply cant. If your libidos have parted company then something needs to change. I certainly wouldn't advise you cheat. If you feel the need to go elsewhere then at least separate from your wife first.
     
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  9. Repus

    Repus New Member

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    Yes it would be horrible. Thats what has prevented me from cheating in the past. I love my wife but sex once or twice a month is just not doing it for me.
    There's no getting sepperated to have sex with another women, I'm guessing you mean divorce because thats what it would mean to her.
     
  10. xeniadraven

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    If she discovered that you cheated youd end up divorced anyway and on grounds of adultery which can be messy!
     
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  11. oldkid

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    I've been there. Ya got ta fish or cut bait. I cut bait. gold member.jpg
     
  12. oldkid

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    A lot of men horrible. Including me. Life is hard, then we die.:rolleyes:
     
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  13. AGFUNK

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    If you made a commitment to her then he should stick to it. Why don't you talk to her and ask about an open marriage. Seriously think about it. Would it really be worth it to go behind her back for sex and then she leaves you?
     
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  14. lbushwalker

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    Been there too, 15 wasted years out of 35 of marriage then cut lose. Long story but now am 4 years with horny lady exactly half my age and not looking back. No advice offered, just telling of my experience.
     
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  15. Amature

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    I've been in the same predicament. My wife didn't want sex often, then eventually at all. I should have got divorced when I was in my 30's, but had kids we wanted to see grown. The doctor kept asking me about erectile problems (diabetes complications) and I tried telling my wife we should enjoy sex while we were able to, but she could have cared less. She kept telling me she just didn't need it. But I DID! But she was very jealous of me, which made no sense so me. I never had sex outside of our marriage though, although I did go to strip clubs occasionally. Which doesn't make me an angel by no means, but she knew I went and again, didn't care. When she died suddenly I was happy I didn't cheat on her. I have remarried and my new wife is helping me catch up on some of the sex I missed out on over the years. Quite a story to get around to giving my opinion I guess. I wouldn't suggest cheating. If you love your wife, and don't want to hurt her, don't cheat. If you don't love her or care about her feelings, divorce her and find someone else, with a clear conscience.
     
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  16. Repus

    Repus New Member

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    That last post has cleared my head and is the reason i have not cheated. I cant imagine hurting her and end up with her hating me, not to mention how my son and daughter would feel about me. Ill continue with working on communication and maybe sneak a porn movie in the bedroom TV.
    Thanks all!!
     
  17. Davidiscurious

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    I'm in the same situation. I have gone outside the marriage and would again. I have tried everything I know to do with my wife and have recently been given advice from a couple of SF members through private messages. While this has been helpful, my wife won't seek help for what I think is depression. She also went through menopause early. We have sex maybe 3-5 times per year, and it has been like that for the past seven or eight years.

    I don't want a divorce, as we have kids, one still at home. She is my friend and partner on everything else, but sex is a chore to her. I don't know what to tell you, other than give you my experience. I did go outside the marriage and while I do feel guilty, I do have needs that weren't getting met.
     
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  18. oldkid

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    Repus... You have to do for yourself sometimes. Accommodating needs and wants of your family is noble, but your emotional and sexual health shouldn't suffer. An open marriage may be the ideal solution. I'm pretty sure my wife knew about my cheating during her period of taking it or leaving it, she did receive a poison pen letter. She just didn't want to know. This may not be the perfect solution, but neither is watching strip shows and jerking off. I've only been married 49 years, but we're as happy now as we have ever been. It looks like we will be Fucking about three times a month. At my age that's kept us on an even keel. She gets two or three orgasms a week which satisfies her. There is no pity or obligation fucking now. That was always disappointing for me, cause she had little emotional involvement. BTW, the reason I used the word "fucking" above is for two reasons, she loves cunnilingus, and, pity and obligation fucking isn't making love or having sex. It's jerking off in a warm body. I say no more. Every man has to put on his big boy pants and do what he has to do to keep his sanity. Sorry most on this forum don't agree with me, but "it is what it is". Exit stage left.
     
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  19. luvbug

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    IMO there is NO acceptable reason to cheat.
    You married for better or for worse.
    I agree with some of the others... Talk to your spouse. If your SO isn't agreeable to an open marriage either get a divorce or stop bitching about no sex.
    Most times there are underlying things going on if your SO doesn't want sex.
    Just my opinion
     
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  20. JonJo

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    If a wife cares enough for the marriage and the person in everything but sex she might very well, after discussing it, be agreeable to it being obtained elsewhere - but only it - after all it no longer means anything to her.
    If she accepts, if she knows of it, masturbation - then seeking 'relief sex' elsewhere is really only one step further.
    Masturbation for relief is really no different than blowing your nose, a natural action, you are just relieving the pressure - and that's what 'just outside sex' would be doing.
    The obvious dangers are though that unless that alternative sex is obtained in a 'cold', perhaps commercial manner, with different partners, that eventually an emotional element might develop.
    A lot depends on how you like, what you are missing from your sex life - is it just the physical act of fucking and cumming, or an/the associated emotional factor as well.
     
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