Spicing it up?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by MrsT1976, May 19, 2007.

  1. MrsT1976

    MrsT1976 New Member

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    Hello Guys

    Hope you are all well. I posted on here before and your advice helped me loads so let me try again!
    We have been married for 18 months, we have been together just less than three years. We have an excellent sex life and did almost everything immediately. We are still having sex but we have had a few probs ( read previous posts) and now I am finding that we are not getting the same out of things as we used to.
    I love my husband and I know that he loves me ( and yes, we are still IN love too lol) but I am feeling that sex is becoming a bit same old...... He still does it for me and we still both come and have fun but I think we need something more......
    We have tried every position, use toys regularly (ie whips, dildos, porn) and I never imagine anyone else when we are fucking but I want that old excitement back!! You know the one that made us late for work (not that we cared) and left me tingling all day!!?
    We have seriously thought about 3somes (I have done this before and NOT good) and/or swinging parties but are both slightly scared of the overall effect.
    Does anyone have any ideas that we can introduce easily? We are both comfortable and up for most?
    God Bless and Take Care all. xxxxxxxxxx
     
  2. cbrmale

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    There are only so many variations to sex between a couple, and you can add thngs like toys and role play but you're doing that already. There may be other things, I found out my wife likes sex outdoors so we do that every now and then. We sometimes go away for a dirty weekend, and the change of locale makes sex more exciting.

    But you also have to face reality that sex after years (or in my case almost 21 years) is going lose its blood-rushing excitement, instead settling into a routine of shared love and pleasure. But you love each other and shared love and pleasure is nice. Perhaps you can change your perspective on sex: everytime you are with your husband and lover, you are sharing love with him and he is sharing love with you. And when its over, you love him more and he loves you more too.

    At the moment you are going through what all couples have gone through, and threesomes or swinging aren't necessarily the answer.
     
  3. MrsT1976

    MrsT1976 New Member

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    You are so right cbrmale, I know what you are saying is totally correct. It's just that we in a weird sexual are that says that things we do HAVE to be naughty/weird/unusual and don't get em wrong, we LOVE all that, but we know that it can't be sustained. I'm just a bit scared because I know that sex IS our glue. I am a sexual person and have never ever found anyone that I can be so open with.... I guess i'm just frightened that I will lose it all..
     
  4. cbrmale

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    Possibly you need to look for glue outside sex, so sex is just one aspect of a whole relationship, and there are other shared interests that make you excited and keep you together.

    My wife and I love travel and holidays for example, and planning and executing our next holiday is a great way to share excitement outside the bedroom. There are other things that we enjoy doing together, but travel and sex are equal number one.
     
  5. MrsT1976

    MrsT1976 New Member

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    God, I hope you did not get me wrong. We have two children (his, my stepchildren) and as well as that we share a dry sense of humour, music, walks, eating out, books, loads!!! Help us?
     
  6. Head Jones IV

    Head Jones IV New Member

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    I agree with cbrmale, mostly with the scenery. It may seem the same because you have the same set of walls surrounding you during sex. You could probably get more out of sex if you were in a different location, hotel/motel room, outdoors, in a friends closet, etc. Sometimes the depression of sex has nothing to do with you or your lover but with the surrounding environment.
     
  7. MrsT1976

    MrsT1976 New Member

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    Thanks Head. We have tried being in different places etc....... I told him the other nite that I sometimes felt bored and I think he may have been a bit pissed....
    I never wanted him to think it was him (trust me, if it was, he would know) , he opened my mind sexually and I am not the unfaithful type so I am not looking for some other guy. Without being arrogant. i am his pornstar, how do I make it different? x
     
  8. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    For right now I would avoid trying threesomes / swinging for two reasons. The first it sounds as though you are not to keen on the idea and that is fine. Swinging / threesomes should not be done unless you are 100% behind the idea and truly want to do it. Another reason why it is a bad idea for you right now is because you are looking to spice things up and this type of activity can bring up other relationship for you. So it is best to swinging / threesomes idea 'on the shelf' for the time being.

    Instead what I am reading from your post is something a lot of couples go through after their first two years together. At the beginning it is fun to try new positions and experiences. However once you have done everything in the book that the two of you are interested in doing then sex becomes mundane.

    The challenge for the two of you is finding a way to take your relationship to the next level. Usually this means finding a way to connect on a deeper and more personal level. It could mean finding a non-sexual activity that the both of you can do together, maybe finding a way to share you experiences together but essentially what the two of you need is something that brings you closer together. Once you find it you will find that there is another level to sex a deeper and emotional level.