Spicing It Down?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by RSolomon, Apr 26, 2012.

  1. RSolomon

    RSolomon New Member

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    Alright, here's the nub and gist of my situation.

    Boyfriend used to have nothing but boring sex.
    I used to do every position I could.
    Then we got together.
    Now, boyfriend wants to have crazy amounts of doggy-style and anal and I... really do like adventure, but I'm kinda craving vanilla.

    How do I say this to him without getting that droopy disappointed look? I really love reminding him that I like adventure, and I know he loves that, but how do I get "vanilla" back when he gets off easier/better with "other flavors"?

    Apologies for the choppiness of my question... that's the easiest way I can think to explain it. :p


    EDIT: It should be noted that we have been dating for 2 years, and it's not just a case of mis-matched libidos. :)
     
    #1 RSolomon, Apr 26, 2012
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2012
  2. 12barblues

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    the very , very first time my gf "sluttyfairy" and i were together sexually...she sat on my lap...straddling me...and she leaned in and whispered in my right ear....."do you wanna make love to me?" then in my other ear whispered "or do you wanna fuck me?"... now, i dont remember anything after that , because i think i blacked out......but thats a good way to switch between "vanilla" and jalapeno flavor....maybe make it a little playful game that some nites its one and some nights its the other.
     
  3. China

    China New Member

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    + 1 on 12BB's idea :)
     
  4. thunderseed

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    yeah that is perfect !
     
  5. boobjob

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    Post another vote for 12BB 's idea. Or was it really sluttyfairy's? Anyway. I always believe that full and open compassionate communication and compromise are the keys. I think you might have to explain what you mean by vanilla though. I'm guessing that when you say "vanilla" you arre talking about rich creamy sweet vanilla; not boring bad sex. Nobody wants that. It sounds. To me like you are looking for something more intimate with this guy. Intimacy isn't neccessarily just in what position you are in. Rear entry positions can be very intimate if done correctly. I am also wondering if you are feeling pressure to perform and sometimes you just want to quietly enjoy your partner. There is a Dixie Chick song. I think its called "easy silence". It is about that comfort level in a relationship like when you don't have to speak.

    This is why I think 12BB has such a great suggestion. By saying "do you wanna fuck or make love" you are making both suggestions sound positive. I think you should avoid saying stuff like "can we just do missionary tonight?". Using words like just implies a resentment of the alternative. Resentment is the biggest trap in differing sexual desires between partners. It grows like a cancer.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    You have been together long enough to be able to have frank, honest, open discussions about sex. So, why don't you just talk to him, droopy looks be damned?

    The time to tip-toe around talking about sex is long gone dear, just talk to the dude.
     
  7. litemyfire

    litemyfire Member

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    Say to him that you want to change things up and try something different....suggest having a romantic evening and when it time lead him the right direction by trying a back rub or lightly running your nails all over his body except for u know where......tease him for a bit and ask him for a back rub for u. This should turn him on just as much as the harder and kinkyer sex. Show him that there are other ways to make it interesting beside the hard core stuff. Let him know that this doesn't mean u don't still enjoy the other also but that this would be nice for a change....He should enjoy this way just as much.

    My wife and I switch back and fourth and it helps keep it interesting!!!
     
    #7 litemyfire, Apr 27, 2012
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2012
  8. RSolomon

    RSolomon New Member

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    Ohmygosh! Work has kept me so busy I haven't been able to reply until now! Thank you all SO MUCH for your thoughts & suggestions!

    Bf & I are in a long-distance relationship, so it's hard to switch back and forth when we barely get to see each other as it is. But I can definitely do the naughty or nice thing... muahaha. Barbwire, I do agree with you that honesty is the best policy and if you wanna say something, just come out and say it. The issue with the "sad face" thing is that bf hasn't had adventurous sex, whereas I have, and when I try to talk to him about something I don't like, I get the sad face whenever he starts thinking he's done something wrong.

    (And, just to clarify, yes, "vanilla" does mean just missionary, bc, there's only so many times I can "stand" to do doggystyle.)

    I will definitely use all of these ideas next time I see him!! (which is soon!)