specialty

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by almostthere, Apr 8, 2012.

  1. almostthere

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    What's yoir SO thing that they do best? I ask cause the wife and I just had a discussion on this topic. She is very vanilla so I asked if I could get one thing well done I would lay off asking for other favors. Needless to say we are kinda quiet towards each other right now. I don't put pressure on her to do things she's not comfortable with but when everything is an issue I kinda get upset.
    She seems to think I'm over the top and my sex drive is way out of control. Reading around here and I think I'm normal. Would just like something other than missionary once in a while.
     
  2. idtallboy

    idtallboy New Member

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    i agree with you stud!!
     
  3. AHappyWife

    AHappyWife New Member

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    I think much depends on the two persepctives of what is considered the "best" of something by the other.

    I'm not sure that I'm reading this correctly... Are you asking your wife to be the "best" at a particular sexual act and you won't ask her for anything more? If so, I can understand the silence at home.

    Of course your sex drive is considered normal here. This is a sexual forum. Your wife has her own set of ideas about the subject based upon what she has been taught and experienced. It's going to take quite sometime before the majority of woman are confident and open in their needs. Just try to take baby steps in talking to her and educating her about the pleasure you wish to give and receive.

    I did notice your thread leans specifically toward your expections from her and didn't offer anything on her behalf. I think you might be able to take both of your sex lives to new levels by give and take.
     
  4. Priapus

    Priapus New Member

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    I don't know how you brought the idea of having one thing well done to her attention but it could leave you walking on thin ice. Possibly making her feel inadiquit in bed which will make her less than excited about being intimit.
    It sounds like you are not 100% satisfied, which is fine because you cant help what you feel but be careful how you make her feel about it.

    Also asking her to do one thing well or setteling for having one thing done well IMO is a short term solution.

    That being said I can relate to your situation because I went through the same thing. My wife is also "vanila" lol and did not really began to enjoy sex until she was comfortable and fully relaxed and let go.

    It took some time but things def improved, I suspect that you are more comfortable with new things than she is but you must be patient. Introduce new ideas or suggestions casually, ie: while watching porn you could comment on a position, how both parties are able to do it? Based on her reaction you can feel out where she is with that particular move.

    Now not to say that your SO is the problem, but more like that you are both reading the same book but on different pages or even chapters.
    Its more about being in or as close to the same place as possible.

    Hope this helps.
     
  5. cbrmale

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    I understand where the OP is coming from because I suffer from the same problem as do many men. Just something beyond routine matrimonial intercourse is always appreciated. Sometimes you toss ideas in and get them rejected, and sometimes they are accepted but it turns out so badly it was a waste of time anyway.

    What worked for me and I don't recommend it for others, but out of frustration I had an affair and my wife guessed there was another woman (who was much more sexually confident). Not wanting to lose me my wife agreed to try some new things. Not surprisingly some of those things she enjoyed a lot and some she didn't, but we ended up with a broader range of sexual expression.
     
  6. almostthere

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    Not about me. I do for her what she likes as often as she likes, which latley ain't much. I offer her oral with nothing in return at least once a week. Just seems her sex drive is fading fast. And yes I groom,haven't balloned in weight and keep myself up. I just want something on my wish list. When I ask what she liks best ,I get "regular sex" answer. Maybe I'm just being unrealistic in thinking two people can stay "in love" for 20+ years? I've thought about having an affair but really can't bring myself to that just yet.

    So to my Q. What's your SOs specialty? Oral? Handees? Some enjoy oral but no anal. That's what I meant. If your lucky enough to be with one that's into it all then consider yourself fortunate

    Btw the photo section is turning into a sausge fest again. Where are all the ladies?
     
    #6 almostthere, Apr 9, 2012
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2012
  7. pbs

    pbs
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    My SO's specialty is oral, both giving and receiving. I've been making her cum that way for decades, and it's always a treat to I cum in her mouth.

    Staying in love for over 20 years doesn't just happen, sometimes it takes effort to keep a relationship fresh and new, and from both partners, and both have to "want" the honeymoon and love to last through the years. I've seen so many couples who have reached the point that they have lost their passion and just tolerate each other, and one has desires that the other just will not satisfy. I go to another forum that is much larger than this one, and the most common problem for both sexes is mismatched sex drives. I was married to a "refuser" for a few years when I was very young, but got out as fast as I could and found a woman who was brave enough to truly love and be sexual. I feel for those who are trapped in a sexaully frustrating relationship, but don't we make our own beds? There are many cliches that could apply: we teach others how to treat us; the only power others have over us is the power that we give them. Food for thought, IMhO of course.
     
  8. almostthere

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    We do make our beds. But it happens over time. If I knew she was going to slowly withdraw sexually I would have thought long and hard before I went down the aisle. Don't get me wrong she's an awesome person and I would never wanted anyone else to raise my kids but there is a sexual block I just can't get thru. Shhe does things once and then it done. Last year she gave me oral while I was driving for the first time in 15 years. And now when I ask she's like I did it last year. Last year? I want it a few times a month

    As for effort, I put in too much effort.And the worst part is she's so fucking cute, great body, tight ass. Ugh its driving me nuts. Id cut my left ball off for a great BJ
     
  9. pbs

    pbs
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    If I was you, I'd try negotiating with her. Tell her flat out that you're sexually frustrated, and ask what she would want from you in order to give you the satisfaction that you are entitled to as a husband, provider, life partner, companion, confidant, father, friend, and whatever else you are to her.
     
  10. thunderseed

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    Hey:),
    Saying this out of the deepest concern, having read your whole thread, I think you should consider at least taking a look at Sex Addicts Anonymous, and if you are interested in learning more you can message me as I am a recovered sex addict. And if you are still reading this at this point, LoL, Your views of sex sound to me, a little warped. I can just relate to... a few things here and there. There is a big difference between a high sex drive, and not being able to be satisfied and having that ruin your life. Come to think of it, at one point you said even your wife says your views of sex are out of control... have you ever looked into that?
    You seem unhappy, miserable, and your relationship sounds unloving, and no amount of sexual satisfaction can cure that, it will only get worse in time. Either if it's simply you do not like her anymore, or that you are having some issues, reading your last paragraph, I think you should save her the hurt and wasted time, good lord, if you are even thinking of cheating on her, why are you with her, and just leave her now, unless you plan on doing something to change your way of thinking.

    And do you seriously believe that love = sex? That the more BJ's you get from her means you are still in love after 20 years? I find some of the things you have said to be incredible. Perhaps you are not in love at all. Maybe you do need to move on to find someone else, but I can only hope you do that in the proper ways.

    What it comes down to is, what is more important to you, her fulfilling a sexual need for you, or her and the relationship? Do you care and love this woman, more so than just a tool to raise your kids? If it is what you really need, you might have to leave her, because it does not sound like you can change this person. But the problem is, are you going to be regretting the decision to leave her as soon you get your physical fix? Because buddy, I can tell you straight away, if you keep following this path and you hurt people because of it, you will regret it later on. I know I do.

    Perhaps what you want her to do is mildly vanilla. But I live everyday with this and I get by just fine, and if a lunatic sex addict can do it, anyone can. I am okay with it today, my partner is extremely vanilla and i have been able to learn to enjoy every bit of it, because I love him, and our relationship is good. That is a lot coming from a crazy ass sex addict.

    Yeah, I can safely say EVERYONE is vanilla compared to me. I’ve had to learn boundaries. I’ve had to give up my biggest fetishes, because they are downright immoral and illegal. But it was not hard to do. I don't need it, I can get by with any type of sexual release. I could even get by without sex - I had to for the longest time when I went abstinent to recover. It's not the fucking end of the world. I'll tell you this much, you wouldn't have lasted more than a second in my shoes.

    Most importantly I had to accept that no one could come close to satisfying me, unless I changed myself. I had to learn how to change my way of thinking. I learned that sexual desire is a mind thing. It has nothing to do with love. If you aren’t satisfied, you can make due with anything else, and make yourself learn to enjoy anything else.

    I’ve had to learn I have to deal with it, suck it up. Because I don’t want to hurt the person I love. I don’t push them into doing anything they don’t want to do. Forcing someone and trying to change them is just wrong. If I’m not happy or satisfied, that is my problem. Not theirs. Because what it comes down to, when I love someone I can be okay with any kind of sex, and whatever they have to give. I appreciate them, love them and respect them.

    Relationships are not all about sex. And it does not take a good sex life to make a good relationship. And i think if you believe that, then there is something wrong, even if it's something mildly wrong.
    I'm sorry for the rant, and the tough love, I really don't mean to offend you or anyone, I'm just concerned is all, if you are interested I can give you some helpful SAA resources, and I hope you can get your priorities straight. I hurt a lot of people back in the day, and I just really hope no one makes the same mistakes I did.
     
  11. pbs

    pbs
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    Wow thunderseed, this was a real surprising post. I'm sure you have vastly more experience in this area than I do, but do the OP's comments really suggest that he is a sex addict? I've been to many forums, as I'm sure you have, and the OP seems to be just another unsatisfied husband who wants more than his wife is willing to give sexually, and blames him for having too much sex drive. Perhaps I'm an addict too, and seeing things through that lens, but how does the OP's post differ from other posts on this and other forums that complain about spouses who neglect their partners sexually?
     
  12. thunderseed

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    Nooo I am not diagnosing anyone. But it's certainly not the end of the world if anyone is a sex addict... It is livable, curable... not sure why you are doubtful of that possibility? Perhaps just not understanding it?

    Actually, the SAA community and literature is very helpful to anyone who is struggling with any type of sexual problem, be it mild or severe, non-addiction as well, and it can help a man save his relationship if his sexual preferences are getting in the way if he so chooses whether or not he is a sex addict, and I am in no way diagnosing anyone with sex addiction, what I am saying is, there are typical signs that can lead to sexual addiction or other common problems, which is unfortunately a lot worse, and something to be aware of. It's better to be safe than sorry.

    I am also certainly aware that there are many sex addicts amongst sexual forums, so it would not surprise me in the least my friend. I also know that some, if not many of those posts you refer to, are written by sex addicts. And I am also aware that sexual addiction has its misunderstandings amongst the general public, and that it has been known to have its false ideas, so that no one in the general public would ever think of it to be a possibility, yet it is more common than you would ever know - especially on sexual forums.

    It differs in some of the things I picked up on... Yeah, the first time I read the wife's accusation I didn't believe it either... until I began reading his posts further down. The main difference is that, those other posts are about how people are not satisfied at all. But this post is about not being satisfied enough, and how it is ruining a life because of such, and that is a major warning sign my friend. Amongst other things I read... but I hope that helps you to understand a little bit. It is not normal, and if inability to be satisfied is causing any distress in ones life, they should see a counselor. Not to mention the inability to get off on anything else is bordering close to a paraphilia. I mean, obviously I see other patterns to concern me or else I wouldn't have bothered posting this.

    Although I know if it were me, I would have not obliged, just putting that offer out there.
     
  13. Cwprotek

    Cwprotek New Member

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    It kinda sounds like u just want to spice things up a bit. I can relate, my wife was a prude for lots of years but we have been spicing things up for a couple years now.

    I agree that sex doesnt make a strong relationship, because we had sex like 3 times a year for 10 years, but when u have fun sex with each other it does add to the bond between u.

    Women seem to have problems with getting kinky sometimes because they dont want to b considered a slut or perverted. Some women have hormonal issues, some cant achieve orgasm.

    Maybe try romance to coax her out. A lot of eomen respond to that. I wish u luck because I lived like that for probably 18 years or so, now my wife is as horny as me , I dunno maybe were both addicts.. Its lots of fun though.

    Good luck my man.
     
  14. 12barblues

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    most of you probably already know that my gf's "specialty" is her ability to put large penis's down her throat...doing so is the best possible foreplay for her, or so she says, and the way she juices up from doing it...i believe her. But i dont understand how that helps with YOUR situation? i can tell you this...my ex had a fairly low sex drive. ( as a test one time i stopped asking for sex....we went 4 months.....four friggin months with no sex because if i didnt ask for it , it didnt happen.) after our split up, she got some help. ( meds for being bi-polar) and has since said that her sex drive was way up. i'm assuming that's because she is in a better state of mind and happier with herself. My point is...maybe your wifes lack of sex drive is more of an emotional/mental thing than a purely sexual one?...
     
  15. cbrmale

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    My take on spicing things up every now and then is not being a sex addict but it's akin to not wanting to eat a hamburger every meal. Our routine sex uses four regular positions in turn, she comes first often through oral sex, but not always. Variations to that include outdoors sex (and our next picnic will be at our favourite place this Sunday), a bit of roleplay which she didn't like that much but has got the hang of as long as it's not overly scripted and playing games (card games, board games). So me having my affair did change things.

    The thing I enjoy the most is outdoors sex which my wife also enjoys. The thing she does best is consider the variations I think up and talk through what she might like or what she might not like. At this stage we are looking at anal sex but that's a bigger problem than most couples because of my size. I think if I was average-sized it would be fine. But she is interested in exploring anal sex while realising it's going to be hard for her and for me.

    In the meantime we agreed that our relationship is open and I do see other women and couples for casual liasons and affairs, and I have a couple lined up where I will be staying with them overnight 20th and 21st of April. I also have a girlfriend who is more sexually intuitive than my wife. But this is way off track.