I just found these two really cool sites that might aid our teenaged Americans in their quest to remain pure for marriage. The first one is called. Sex is for Fags.com", and this is their pledge. I, [MY NAME], hereby pledge: 1. To stay massively cool by not having sex. Because only major losers have sex – which everyone knows is only for fags. 2. To never let any slutty girls peer pressure me into touching their vaginas – because vaginas are totally gay. 3. To ignore my raging hormones and burning drive to fondle, suckle, and thrust furiously into a hot gooey pit of creamy-soft fleshy ecstasy. 4. To keep my groinal giblets inside my GAP khakis, and to punch those sweaty bits into submission whenever they percolate with desire. 5. To never spill my sacred "dude milk" – unless it is inside of some hot babe who already married me and took my last name. I understand that abstaining from sex protects me from: The regret and guilt caused by the disgusting, squishy act of stupid sex, which is basically like going to the toilet from the front side. Making retard babies out of wedlock, then having to blow my whole allowance on diapers and a stroller instead of XBox games and Snickers. Catching a brain-rotting STD like "Finger Herpes" from "feeling up" any nasty dirty girlie holes. The second site is for girls and is called "Iron Hymen.com". This is their pledge I, [MY NAME], hereby pledge: 1. To never let grubby boys touch me – unless it's just fun innocent stuff like tripping me and pulling my hair. (But only the hair on my head!) 2. To never wear trampy stuff like shorts or t-shirts or open-toed shoes, which basically tell horny perverts that I'm a major tramp who's just asking for it. 3. To never do rough stuff like ride horsies or bikes with hard seats, which could break my vagina's freshness seal and make me totally unlovable. 4. To never let tampons violate the sanctity of my hoo-hoo, because tampons are really nothing more than thirsty little albino penises. 5. To never have premarital sex, because Jesus doesn't want anyone messing around inside my girly hole until after His church makes some money off a wedding. I understand that abstaining from sex protects me from: Forcing my wonderful parents to use "tough love" and kick me out of the house for embarrassing them by being such a little whore. Having adoption-hungry homosexuals circle my pregnant belly like vultures, hell-bent on corrupting my unwanted bastard child with their sicko "love." I hope the information I posted helps anyone that knows a horny teenager. God knows they need it.