Sort of renued without sex.

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by CurvedUp, Jul 15, 2012.

  1. CurvedUp

    CurvedUp Member

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    Last Wednesday, I posted a question about 50 Shades of Grey. From that , it lead to a full collapse of my six year relationship. No marriage and full of "we can't make love" cause that Bible says so. Lots of back and forth over the phone about everything that goes on when one person fully believes what she is told and the other what he will challenge after ready past what the church wants all to hear.

    To make a long four days short here. We just spent the last two days with each other, with no love making. (Me always wishing)

    We talked about and looked for things about this issue. I have over the years have read and learned about many things that challenge what today's Christians say about why they determine the evils of love making before marriage.

    As you can tell, I have a I don't give face value to what any given Christian Church wants to lay out in front of us.

    Anyway after quality time with each other and much conversation over the rest of our lives, and to my chagrin, no sex, we did find intimate moments to renew our love. But it goes way further than this. I decided that if she wants this, we have to have complete abstance. I got six erections in less than one day from those "non-sexual" moments. Not fun. Now I have to go and finish what got hard this morning.

    What is at stake here is. Not making love until we get married. I really hate this idea since this is one of many things that the church likes to control our lives over. I found this and am sharing this with her right now.

    Amazon.com: Sex Texts from the Bible: Selections Annotated & Explained (SkyLight Illuminations) (9781594732171): Teresa J. Hornsby, Amy-Jill Levine: Books
     
  2. pbs

    pbs
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    Wow, too bad CurvedUp. There is a forum that has plenty of members who let the bible dictate to them what they can and can't do, both before and after marriage, and even in the bedroom after marriage. Not all the members take the "rule book" to bed with them though - google "the marriage bed."
     
  3. biker061

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    many people like to say that not only premarital sex is against God's word but that enjoying sex in marriage is as well. i don't believe the second part but have ignored God's word many times about the first. here's a video message series from ourchurch you might take a look at?

    Goin All the Way - LifeChurch.tv
     
  4. CurvedUp

    CurvedUp Member

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    Thanks for the site, but when it is all said and done I don't agree. But then as a Christian and to the dismay of many I do not believe in the literally interpretation of the Bible. And as my right as an American, that is so easily thrown about in politics, I should be able to have this belief. Just as many Christians believe that they can use the Bible to get rich, stay rich and throw it in their politics. Jesus over turned the tables of the money changers in the temple because of money and its evil. But that is justified by many Christians. I when you challenge them on it, they come unglued.

    I am in a committed loving relationship for the last six years. We are not in a position to marry unless we get married and live apart. Do we marry for the sake of getting married to complete in us what is already there? Sorry that sucks.

    The bottom line here is, what defines a marriage? Only those that are married in a Christian Church? Which Christian Church? Who's Christian values. Can two different Christians with different backgrounds marry? Some say that a Catholic should not marry a Baptist. And ohhhhhh hey how about all those marriages out in Las Vegas or at the Mall of America or at the Justice of the Peace? In the mind of many Christians, those might not be ligament. My guess is that in many peoples opinion not in the eyes of the Lord. One more how about civil unions?

    I have a friend that was Ordained from the internet. When we get married I would like him to marry us. What then. Legit or not to make love? Married or not?

    I don't want to get into a pissing match about this. I have never done good with Scripture thrown at me. So don't

    In the end. I love this woman. Just as if we are married. I am doing more now to stay in this than I did in my marriage. So I take a huge offense to anyone one that takes the time to demean what we have from their narrow focus. There is sex for the sake of sex. Been there and not the same. But would not change it. And there is making love in a committed union, married or not.

    Everyone has a right to their opinion. And I am exercising mine!
     
    #4 CurvedUp, Jul 16, 2012
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2012
  5. Super

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    Fuck religion. Do what you hart tell you not what some asshole tells you what you should do.
     
  6. CurvedUp

    CurvedUp Member

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    Super. I would never go that far. Like I posted, I am not sure just why this is such a big issue when Christians have a lot of sweeping off their own porch. SO why so worried to look at my porch and hand me a broom, when theirs is fully loaded to the roof?

    I have my Grace and happy where I am at. Here is the deal. We both have been married. Our spouses left us. In their hearts long before they did. What is odd is if you listen to the message it is mostly about younger couples. About getting diseases, getting pregnant, losing their virginity. I am 53. Non of this is going to happen to us. I had a vasectomy at her request. Now according to many Christians I am living in sin everyday of my life because of it. She can atone for that sin. I can not. If I believed I was wrong.

    Good luck to those that in up in bed after getting married and never have touched the other.

    But on the good side of all of this. I did fall deeper in love with her. But that still does not take away the fact that a very vital part of our life is going to be denied because of words that were written for people of that time.

    If you read about the Old Testament. Virginity had a value on the girl or woman for the father. Nice way to think about your daughters virginity.
     
    #6 CurvedUp, Jul 16, 2012
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2012
  7. surreal_thoughts

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    The topic of sex and religious views/beliefs will always be one that is unsettled and up for debate.

    I remember when I was going to confirmation classes as a teen the instructor told us it was a sin to lust, desire, touch one self, have physical urges, etc, etc, etc...made me think "well how the hell can you love somebody then if don't desire them!?"

    Just can't win or find a middle ground on this topic I guess :shrug
     
  8. Maxx0

    Maxx0 New Member

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    Wow, that really sucks. As an atheist, I'll abstain from the religious talk, but I wanted you to know that you still have my condolences and I wish you good luck.
     
  9. cbrmale

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    This is way off topic but somehow related. I am promoting my latest book and I did a blog tour over the weekend. During my tour of book blogs I came across the the 'Christian' genre (my book is a hybrid of crime and romance, and that's what I think of with genres). But Christian?

    It made me realise two things. First up is that America is a strange place and second is that it's completely different to the rest of the Western world.

    Curved up. If you want sex without marriage, and indeed no religion at all, come to Australia. We're different here, very different, more different than you can possibly ever imagine.
     
  10. 12barblues

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    I must have been Australian in a previous life.....lol
     
  11. Splendid_Thoughts

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    Could explain why we get along well. :)

    We Aussies are a pretty awesome bunch ...
     
  12. 12barblues

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    I've known a few....had em come stay awhile ....when they were in the states...my ex wife's family...
     
  13. 12barblues

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    Apologies OP......
     
  14. Splendid_Thoughts

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    To bring this thread back on track, I am an agnostic and cannot understand how people can live their lives according to a book of stories. I don't begrudge them...just cannot understand it. Surely, if there was a God, they would want us to be happy and sex makes us happy, so you do the maths.

    As Surreal Thoughts mentions though, the subject of sex and religious views/beliefs will always be a contentious one and one we are not going to be able to solve here...the churches have grappled with it since the dawn of time!

    I wish you the very best of luck and I truely hope you can both work it out to your mutual satisfaction...
     
  15. Miamia

    Miamia Member

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    I cannot comprehend how an intelligent human being can seriously believe that 1) there is something like a God and 2) that all that's written in that ancient book called bible is God's word and 3) on top of that live his or her live according to that word.

    Imagine you are a stranger from a different planet, you come to earth and the people tell you something like: "Oh, don't you know, the Universe was created by God, he gave us a book with cryptic texts and we adjust our way of life according to his word!"

    I mean - WTF? Hands off drugs, dudes!
     
  16. CurvedUp

    CurvedUp Member

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    Thanks all for some insight. We Americans do have the market on crazy. Look up Michele Bachmann. If you think Sara Palin. X her by three.

    After doing some looking into all of this, I now find that we Christians have what is called "disputable matters or opinions" in the bible. Really????!!!!! That is new one on me!

    The more I educate my self on this, the more difficult it becomes…

    As far as I am concerned they are all disputable if you look hard enough.

    Here is a site the most conservatives will poo poo any conversation on it.
    Amazon.com: Sex Texts from the Bible: Selections Annotated & Explained (SkyLight Illuminations) (9781594732171): Teresa J. Hornsby, Amy-Jill Levine: Books

    A fresh look at the Bible reveals a richness of insight about sex and sexuality.
     
    #16 CurvedUp, Jul 17, 2012
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2012
  17. Godiva

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    I'm an Aussie, brought up my immigrants raised in a religious country.
    Actually this is the main reason i turned away from religion and now i'm athiest/agnostic.
    Anyway, i used to be extremely devout, and nothing you will say will change her mind. Infact she will probably resent you forever if she has a lapse in her own morals.

    I actually see the benefit in no sex before marriage, but with today's technology, it's a bit moot. You should test for compatibility, since, after marriage, you two are the only ones you can have sex with. But that doesn't mean she will change her mind, if she is devout she won't.