Some stuff i need to get out of my mind.

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Golden, Jun 29, 2008.

  1. Golden

    Golden New Member

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    Hey, im a male, 19 years of age and i am for the first time in my life in an relationship where sex has come into play in a way it hasnt been before. In addition to this, i got some questions, becouse i am little bit insecure. It would mean alot for me if you could take your time and answer these, and also take me and my questions serious.

    In advance for that, thank you for taking your time.

    Ive had sex before, but not while being with someone that i really care about aka. in a relationship.
    What seems to be a problem to me, is that i am kind of insecure with what my partner wants or not, wich also goes for me. I talk to her all the time about these kind of stuff. But i would also like to hear from you, the more experienced people, what you think.
    So.. My questions are:

    1. Is 15-40 minutes duration of sex normal? I'd like to continue even longer, but it seems like she turns off or something, or does not want anymore and starts with kisses/hugs and kind of just lays down to cuddle.. When f.ex. i would like to continue, as ive heard the orgasms etc. gets better the more time/effort you put into it. I've never really experienced it has been goin ther other way around.. Im i turning her off or something?
    She has also mentioned that sometimes, it starts to hurt for her if she continue. I think this sometimes might be reason to why she quits. In that case, do you know what it could be? Ive asked her, and she's sayd that she's not 100% sure..

    2. How many times a week/day is it normal for a young couple to have sex? We've been together for like 2-3 months, and when we're together it can go from 2-3 times a day, till nothing for a couple of nights..

    3. Doggystyle seems to be a turnoff to me.. Wich i kind of think is bad, we've had it once and the second time.. I couldnt do it... I feel bad for her at that moment, and i felt bad that i couldnt do what she wanted.
    She sayd that after that time, we'll never doin' that again.. Even though i feel like she wished i could. It also seems to me that after this incident, she has been afraid to say what she really wants to do in bed in case i dont really want to do it.. Wich is kind of sad for both of us...
    What advice/tips do can you give me that i should do or talk to her about to make her feel more comfortable to tell me what she wants? Ive sayd that i will be clear on what i want or not no matter what she asks about.. But it seems like she is a little bit afraid to be rejected. :/

    4. Out of curiosity, what is the definition of rough sex?
     
  2. Milbury

    Milbury New Member

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    Such a polite young man. Here's some advice...

    1. I'm a decade older than you, and I didn't reach double digit times for straight intercourse until last year. 15 minutes for a barely experienced man is a good time. But, here's the thing, I don't know about her arousal levels. If a woman is sufficienly aroused, you can pound her for an hour and she'll reach over for more. Otherwise, you have to get her dripping before you even consider insertion. Explore her entire person. This way, you can find all of her trigger points and use them for erotic effect. And remember to pay attention to the clit. If you figure out how to press your pubic bone against her mound, you'll probably be able to spark her arousal levels. Oh yeah, and stop wanking! You may be burning yourself out, leaving her with the burden of dragging one more orgasm out of you.

    2. In a new relationship, sexual bursts aren't uncommon, so I'd say that you're within the curve of normality.

    3. This one's a bit easier. Successful doggystyle depends on practice and positioning, and you'll get better with practice. Maybe you should try some supine sex, bending her over a solid surface (a pillow under her stomach should remove most of the discomfort), then penetrating. If you're having issues with balance, you should strengthen your legs. Make it a couples activity, a biweekly visit to the gym with your sweetie is always a good thing. :lol
    As far as the mental imtimacy issues go, I'm stuck. I've been lucky enough to have involved myself with women, not emotionally stunted "girls". In other words, I've never had to deal with hearing a long litany of "I don't know"s. My partners have always been vocal about their turn-ons. And the more that I post on sites like this, the more amazed I am at the levels of suppression that most women seem to have. If I were in your place, I'd have to set up a full day of "me and her" time. She may be a bit ashamed of her body, or she may have images of her disapproving parents, or she may have been molested by an older relative or mentor. You aren't going to know the answer until the two of you take the time to talk about it. Here's a hint: If you tell her that you want to know everything, be prepared to heareverything. Try your best to be as non-judgemental as possible, even if her inner desires are off-putting.

    4. Rough sex is a strange topic to define. Some women like to have their hair pulled. Other women like it when you press your forearm against their throats. Most women are anti-pain, and you may be a bit more forceful than she is used to. Re-read Answer 3 for the solution to that problem.
     
  3. Golden

    Golden New Member

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    Thanks for taking your time and posted this, helps me alot. Im kind of releaved now, got a couple of stuff out of my mind at the same time i got a couple of new things to think of, wich is in a positive manner! :) Thanks for your post, its highly appreciated.

    Good night ;)
     
  4. unalteredone

    unalteredone New Member

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    I cant speak for other women, but I personally dont like for sex to last longer than 15 mins or so, primarily because i dont get off through vaginal intercourse. It can feel nice, good even, but an orgasms isnt on the horizon. After a while, i'm just thinking "cum already!" (terrible, i know) But, part of it is, that it does start to hurt after a while because if a woman is not very aroused and thus not producing lubrication, it starts to get dry and thus uncomfortable. Lube can fix that easily, but you still have to contend with the fact that she's not super aroused by whats going on. If she hasnt been able to cum during intercourse, take Milbury's advice about stimulating the clit, and if it's still not working, you two should work out a way that you can maybe get her off first through oral or something, and then you two can have sex for your enjoyment. That way , she's satisfied and also very lubricated, and you can have sex without worrying about whether or not she gets off on it.
     
  5. cbrmale

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    I'm a bit older and more experienced. Most ladies I have been with don't like intercourse to last longer than 12 to 15 minutes, and I usually last around 10 minutes. Most ladies don't orgasm through intercourse, no matter how long you last, and need some other form of stimulation. In addition, intercourse for a very long time can hurt through too much friction. My normal script for my wife, and almost every other lady I have had sex with, is to start slow with lots of hugging and kissing, progessing to oral sex on her until she orgasms, and then to intercourse.

    When we were on our honeymoon we had sex every day. More than daily hurts her, but I am a bit different to most men which adds extra pressure and friction during intercourse. Normally we have sex three or four times a week, after 22 years together, and this can increase to five or six times a week on holidays. Holidays are relaxing, and both of us get horny. This is good news, no? Even after decades, a couple can be regularly sexy together.

    I'm not a great fan of doggy style, because it hurts my legs. We do it sometimes. My wife isn't a fan of some other positions, so we don't do those as well. Being considerate is what being a loving couple is about, and you are a lucky man that your girlfriend is being considerate towards you.

    As far as opening up sexually goes, usually the best place to talk about sex is outside the bedroom. Maybe the sitting room with the lights low, talking about your fantasies and inviting her to talk of hers. If she's comfortable with opening up to you, then maybe you could agree together to try some of these fantasies out next time. This is why opening up about sex away from sex seems to work better.
     
  6. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Dude, tell that woman that you really, REALLY want sex with you to be good for her. Make her understand that you really care about how it is for her. Tell her you'll do anything she would like, doesn't matter, just say so. Then try it...if it doesn't work the first time (like doggie-style), tell her "we'll try it again and see if we can get it right this time!" Exploring and learning with your lover should be a fun and exciting thing. DROP ANY INHIBITIONS AND INSECURITIES YOU MIGHT HAVE. That's right, just drop them. Most of our insecurities are pretty ridiculous and have no basis in fact. Most of our inhibitions are quite ridiculous too. Drop 'em and get it on.

    BD
     
  7. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    First of all, välkommen! Jag är inte Svenska men jag är sambo i i Sverige med en Svensk. Också min mormor's farsan kom från Norge. Anyway, it's nice to see another Scandinavian on the forums.

    As for your questions.

    The "how long should it last" issue is not always that straight forward. It's a common misconception that women want the sex to last for hours, but this is not always the case. Of course everyone is different but recent studies indicate that between seven and thirteen minutes is the ideal time. I personally prefer it to last as long as it takes to get the job done. If I've had an orgasm and he keeps pounding away sometimes I can be brought to another orgasm, and sometimes I can be rubbed raw.

    The doggy style issue is also not very straight forward. It's also one of my least favorite positions because it's very animalistic (some would say that's what makes it so great) and a bit dismissive because he can't see my face. However, we do occasionally do it in this position but it took about a year before we were both comfortable with it. Now we usually reserve it for "bend me over the back of the couch" quickies. Also, I have to be very aroused for this position or it can actually kind of hurt. My SO can "bottom me out" with this position, and it doesn't feel very good to have cervix pounded.

    Anyway, I hope this gives you some insight into the female point of view for these issues. Good luck and keep us posted!
     
  8. Golden

    Golden New Member

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    Thanks from the girls to give me your point of views as well. Becouse i want this to be comfortable for us both, you know? And im glad to see that everything ive experienced so far is either normal or got an 'easy' explenation to why.

    ''the best place to talk about sex is outside the bedroom.''
    Sure thing, but i havent thought so much about this yet.. We have talked about it afterwards, not necessarily in the bedroom about what we've done etc. but not so much before. Thanks for taking this up, if not i guess i wouldnt have thought so much about it.

    As far as goes to what BD says, i guess he's right, i just gotta drop everything along with insecurity's etc.
    But as Puss_in_Boots sayd, the doggystyle feels 'unnatural' to me.. I guess i could try to drop these thoughts as well, becouse i guess theres nothing to natural or unnatural when it comes to showing and making love to eachother as long as both parts feels for it. But if this thing happens more with me, then i guess its just not me.. you know?