Some help please?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by hurley, Dec 6, 2004.

  1. hurley

    hurley New Member

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    Today i found out that one of my friends is waiting for us to go on a break because he wants to date her. He isnt exactly a true friend, hes just someone i know and talk to every so often. About 5 months into gf and my relationship, my friend started talking to her and she started to get attracted to his personality. I didnt like it but i wasnt gonna do much about it because she was with me and i trusted her. She never told me that sence that day he has wanted to go out with her. It is now going on 2 years for our relationship and she tends to talk to him a lot on AIM *aol instant messanger* After talking about going on a break, she was saying that yes she would try and go out with him just to see how it goes. That kind of kills me because i know she would stay friends with him if we got back together and i dont know if i would be able to handle her going out with him and then coming back to me. I would always have this thought on my mind were she would still get a feeling for him and realize that she wants to be back with him. Anyone have advice on what I should do or any help to make it so im not so worried?
     
  2. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Keep close track on your enemies. You should have a lot more info on this guy, and have the power to make his life rather unhappy, legally, and without repurcussions to you.

    Enemies should feel you are unpredictable and powerful. They should fear and respect you.

    Your GF should feel that you are reliable and meeting her needs better than any one else can, overall. GF should feel that you have potential, and are going to be able to even better meet her needs. Have you evaluated how you each meet each other's needs? Are you devoting your time to the needs that are most important to GF?


    Affection
    Sexual Fulfillment
    Conversation
    Recreational Companionship
    Honesty and Openness
    Physical Attractiveness
    Financial Support
    Domestic Support
    Family Commitment
    Admiration


    Are you paying attention to the little things? Have you read the Love Diet?
    http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=010377#000006


    Blessings
     
  3. -G-

    -G- New Member

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    ummm sry I am bitter about this stuff but I would say that that is pretty dick of both of them to do that to you.

    A. A break is a nice way to say I want to mess around with other people but get back together later if I don't find anything better.

    B. She can't possibly think you are going to be comfortable around him if you get back together. Ask yourself how you would feel if they were intimate.

    C. In my opinion, He's a dick, she's a bitch (in an indirect, unintentional due to lack of experience way), and you are better off without both of them. Move on...
     
  4. hurley

    hurley New Member

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    *update*

    Sence the start of this post, things are going fine and we are not planning a break. We all hang out and get along and she still talks to him and I am fine with it untill now........

    *i am going to use tags to make this less confusing, Names arent real*
    Jack= guy who is kind of a friend to me and is the one that likes my gf
    Sarah= my gf
    Bob= old friend from high school
    Erin= Gril in my english class

    Today in my english class i was talking to Erin and she had told me that she was talking to Bob about how we were in class together and such. Bob had told Erin that Jack is trying to steal Sarah away from me and to let me know.

    What am i to do with this? I am trying to call Bob to find out everything that Jack has said to make him think that he is trying to steal Sarah away from me. I need help with this because i am not sure what to do. I have had advice saying that we are to young and that I should deal with this stress. I have been with this girl for 2 years and love her to death.

    I am planning on talking to her today and finding out what is going on and if there are things that she isnt telling me. According to her, she does not want a break from me and that her interest in Jack isnt there any more but would think about a possible date with him if we did go on a break.

    HELP PLS!!!
     
  5. kbate

    kbate New Member

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    Tell your girlfriend that he (jack) is visiting the doctor for the clap or something like that.
     
  6. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Kbate is probably on the right track.

    Jealousy is part of love, and other men trying to make it with your woman are a part of reality.

    First, I would recommend a calm approach to the situation. You might win, or you might lose, but it is also important how you handle your conflicts with others. So you are setting your style, and reputation. of handling your conflicts.

    You should probably analyze your relations with Jack, and decide how friendly or unfreindly to be. Jack sounds a little sneaky telling you through Erin. You might want to have one approach to tell Erin and Jack. Or you might want to say different things to different people.

    How about, to Jack, Erin and Bob, "I think I treat Sarah better than Jack could hold a candle to. I think I am pretty sensitive to her likes and dislikes. I will try to hold on to Sarah. Ordinarily, if a guy has been going with a gal, trustworthy guys ordinarily respect that. Jack is being disrepsectful to me, and proving himself untrustworthy, by suggesting he wants to cut in on Sarah. I hope Jack starts to value a reputation of being trustworthy."

    For Jack, I sometimes laugh in a somewhat hysterical manner when dealing with someone who is getting out of line. The implication is that I am not wrapped too tight, so it is better to go bother someone else. Or, if Jack is a fearful sneaky person, you may just want to shine him on to his face, "Hi, How are you doing, good to see you, gotta run, see you around." and work around behind his back.

    To Sarah, "Jack is being untrustworthy generally, and disrespectful to me personally, so I would appreciate it if you would minimize your conversations with Jack while we are together. It is nice that Jack apparently has some interest in you. I don't feel Jack is the best guy for you. There will be other temptations, because you are an atractive woman. I hope my faith in your character is accurate, that you are not a Walk Away Woman."

    I previously suggested you get more up to speed with how you can put a laesh on that puppy (Jack). Apparently he is not aware that you can make his life unhappy, without an recourse on yourself.

    Make yourself seen. Do you drive a black Cadillac? Somone once told me that was important for respect.


    Blessings
     
  7. hurley

    hurley New Member

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    I talked to my gf and let her know what i had found out, then also called Bob *the one that found out all of this to tell me* and he told me exactly what happened, he had seen text messages Jack had sent to my gf, tho my gf never got them.... and Bob asked why he would do that because he thought me and Jack were friends and Jack said to him, "Kinda, but we never talk so fuck him." And I found out that this all happened in the start of Dec. when me and my gf were going through some trubles.

    Now everything is good between me and her and Jack is no longer thought of as a friend..... Going to find it hard to hang out with my other friends if he is around.... Me and my gf are now watching what he does and we are gonna see if he tries anything.

    Thx again.
     
  8. dabody

    dabody New Member

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    If your girl is saying that she would think about a date with him if you broke up, even though you're together now, maybe her mind is already elsewhere; and maybe you already suspect that yourself. I know you probably think its the hardest thing to do, but maybe you should finish things with your gf. The though of her liking this guy and acting on her feelings eventually must be constantly dampening your spirits and sometimes, waiting for something you don't like to happen is actually worse than the actual even when it occurs. At the end of the day, you say that you love your girlfriend to death, but the fact that she's been thinking bout entertaining another guy at the possibility of you splitting up must say that she doesn't feel as strongly. As for Jack... If a guy was trying it with my girl, I wouldn't be chatting to him, full stop. That's regardless of whether or not he was a good friend of my girlfriend. He's a dickhead but you're wrong to even label someone like that as a 'friend'.