Some Advice Please

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by jnrain, Jul 29, 2004.

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  1. jnrain

    jnrain New Member

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    I'll try to keep this brief.

    I am a gay guy. I have a friend who is straight. My problem is, I love him. Not necessarily saying I'm after sex, although if he wanted sex I'd go for it, I just love who he is as a person. He doesn't know I feel that way, and it makes things a little awkward for me because I feel that if I don't tell him then I'm kind of lying by omission. But I also don't have the faintest idea how to bring the subject up tactfully or at least without totally scaring him.

    I'm hoping maybe someone out there might have some suggestions as to how I can tell him. I'm not asking him for a relationship or anything, I just feel he has a right to know how I feel because I know I'd want to know if the situation was reversed. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

    Thanks in advance,

    John
     
  2. Frank Grimes

    Frank Grimes New Member

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    My suggestion, as a straight guy, is that you don't tell him, unless you feel that his right to know is worth costing your friendship.

    If one of my friends told me they were gay, I feel as though I could handle it, and it wouldn't be an issue. One of my wife's best friends is a lesbian, and finding that out didn't change their friendship one iota.

    However, should one of my friends tell me they were gay and that they loved me, be it in an emotional way, or a physical/sexual way, I would be very uncomfortable being around them, and would tend to avoid being around them.

    So, the way I see it, you could tell him but I really think you would risk losing his friendship. I would recommend keeping your feelings to yourself until they subside. Once you get in a relationship with someone else, I think your feelings for him will naturally dissipate.
     
  3. blade

    blade New Member

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    Yeh..I mean i know its hard to keep feelings lyke that to ur-self but u gotta think for a moment, He could reject u maby even shun ...do u come from a small community where everyone knows everybody and everything? Would u trust this person wit ur secret, not to let it out.

    And if u do tell him u luv him and he doesn't luv u back, but "hey, at least he knows" wont help.
     
  4. jnrain

    jnrain New Member

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    Well, he knows I'm gay. He has for years. He knew before we became friends and we've had a very very open friendship. I mean to the point that we've probably talked about everything imaginable. Even stuff we've done during sex. He and I have a very very close friendship, and promises have been made that we'll talk about anything without either of us getting mad. Keeping this from him just seems like betrayal... but at the same time I guess I'm afraid that it would ruin the friendship if I did say something.

    Anyhow, thanks for the advice guys.
     
  5. x_lascivious

    x_lascivious New Member

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    Hey John! The funny thing is that I was in your situation before(I`m a girl), except I was in your friend`s position. One of my best friends is bisexual, and we are very very close. Well, she told me that she loved me because I was so caring and so close to her. Honestly I felt scared but I felt glad that she told me. Even though she knew I was straight, she was honest and told me. However, it didn`t shock me because I could kinda tell she had feelings for me. With all of these things in mind, it was kind of a turn-on for me too haha. Does your friend have the slightest idea that you have feelings for him? What are you willing to risk? Do you feel that he would end your friendship just because you love him?
     
  6. blade

    blade New Member

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    well i guess if u mention that promise it would ease ur way into tellin him if u really felt lyke u had too...plus it's different for a girl!! Woman r more sympathetic and stuff...guys jump to conclusions especially if they feel like their "manhood" is bein threatened.

    If u wanna be sly and "tell" him i suggest u sit down and say " **J--, I gotta prob there's this guy i like, but i dunno wot to tell him, or how too, do u think i should? How would you react if someone told u this...." or something like that hey it might work, then u can get his answer w/out risk...but be careful
     
  7. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    i've been in your shoes... as a bi female i became very close with another girl. i never hid the fact that i was bi to her, but my feelings for her continued to change and grow until i finally had to tell her... at the time i couldnt jsut come straight out and say it so i wrote her a letter...after she read it she walked up to me (in the hallway at school, talk about embarrassing) and said "sweetie, i love you too, just not that way alright?" so i dealt for a while, but she never got weird and eventually i got together with my current boyfriend and it all just faded into the past.

    i think if they know that you are gay, and respect that fact, then there will always be a small part of them wondering if you're attracted to them, so may as well be honest
     
  8. lex

    lex New Member

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    im straight and if i was his shoes id probably reply "i love you too, just not that way alright(?)" .

    If he is that cool with it all tell him, but if he were i, it would be a complement and weird me out at the sametime. if he is your friend, he'll be cool with it, but he'll probably be off around you for a little atleast.
     
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