some advice please

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by kzr, May 29, 2008.

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  1. kzr

    kzr New Member

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    I am not sure how to begin this to where to start: I am 41 year old male. I am married ( second time no children from either) my second marriage is not going well and I haven't had sex since October of 07. Hell. I haven't even had a blow job for 8 years.
    I haven't cheated on my wife and she has some deep emotional issues and wounds that she just either can't or won't deal with. My wife won't touch me,she won't even look at me,her body goes very tense, when I touch her-even in a non sexual way. When we do have sex she buries her face in the pillow I have to do all the work and I can get hard but I lose it because I can't feel anything from her.She gets wet but its like she's elsewhere. I am now so unsure of myself, that trying to initiate any sexual contact has got me so upset inside because I don't know whether she is going to reject me or not, and I get tired of always being told no. I have tried to talk about what's going on with me but this just causes her to shut down or get upset, no matter how gentle I am in broaching the subject, and she was seeing a professional but stopped and won't go back. I feel confused and frustrated. I have basically given up hope of ever having any children (we're both 41). I'm also confused by her because I have also caught her on 2 occasions having phone sex. Also one time she asked me to go and visit with her oldest friend who happened to be in New York at the time, and, while there I phoned her to say good night and she asked me why do I love her-when she came back she refused to let me see her naked for 3 days even though she would be quite happy to be around the house with no clothes on. When I went to the bedroom on the third day of her being back home she had a bruise on her right breast that wasn't there before she left even though she swore it was.
    My wife swears up and down that she isn't cheating but sometimes I don't feel so sure. My wife has had some seriously difficult and abusive relationships with previous boyfriends and will often talk about them out of nowhere and for no reason that is apparent to me. We've been together for 8 years and married for 6 years next February. My wife has had huge emotional difficulties caused by men in her life but she won't talk to anyone professionally. I've never experienced this before and I don't know how or what to do.

    I can't stop thinking about sex and masturbate a lot. In lieu of our situation my wife doesn't mind if I look at pornography online but this is not really easing my situation. However, I found that regular pornography isn't helping and I've been looking a lot at Transsexual websites. I used to a long time ago when I was single and when our relationship really started getting difficult I found myself looking at them more and more. The strange thing when I think of my wife when I masturbate I tend to cum form my left testicle only and when I look at transsexuals I tend to cum from my right only. Is this normal? Am I gay? And any advice on how to help with my wife I would really appreciate.
     
  2. Dreama

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    Oh, honey. I am so sorry that your situation is so tough. Is all the pain really worth it? Your wife may have some emotional issues, but if she isn't willing to help herself, I don't think she'll let anyone else help her either. I see so many red flags...I mean, hun, it sounds like she's cheating on you, besides just being emotionally and sexually distant. There is too much non-communication and deceit going on from her end. If it were me, I'd get the heck out of there. I'm not taking your situation lightly, either.

    And, looking at transsexual porn does not make you gay... :)
     
  3. velkov

    velkov New Member

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    8 years is a long time so it must be hard as i'm sure you must have thought about bailing out so there must be something thats keeping you there, once you get to the bottom of that I feel that making a decision should be easier. I take my hat off to you as I personaly would have sort sex elsewhere and the thought that you've not and she might be................ oh man life's been cruel to you and I hope that you can resolve it, be it going seperate ways or working to get things on track.
    Good luck mate and i'll keep everything crossed for you.
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Yeah, I agree, your situation sounds quite grim. Just taking your post at face value, it sounds like your wife if withdrawing from you because she's got someone else on her mind.

    One question I have for you...How can you tell which testicle you ejaculate from? I didn't know it was possible to just go off from one nut at a time. ???
     
  5. igor

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    HUH? :eek
     
  6. HardRocker

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    Originally Posted by kzr:
    The strange thing when I think of my wife when I masturbate I tend to cum form my left testicle only and when I look at transsexuals I tend to cum from my right only.
    _______________________________________________________________________
    You don't cum from your nuts (or nut), it comes from your prostate where the seminal fluid is manufactured and stored(as I'm sure you know). Usually your nuts will retract during orgasm, but I can't say why it's sometimes one or the other. The mind works in mysterious ways.
     
  7. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    The simple thing for you to do is to sit her down and tell her you're not happy. You understand her emotional problems and have stayed with her despite... you can't stay married to a women who seems to freak-out/push you away every time you touch her, sexually or non sexually.

    She does sound like shes cheating or maybe only just flirting with someone else but she is married to you and if she wants this person she should of been honest and spoke to you. In the case of she doesn't want to leave you but she wants the other person, thats something you'll have to work out for yourself...

    but you only have one life sweetheart, you're obv very sexual and need a sexual partner. The best I can suggest which I have noted before is the calm sit down talk... getting her to either admit to something or help for her problems to help the marriage or tell her you feel so pushed away that theirs no hope for the marriage anymore. She may get her arse into gear if she knows the marriage is on the line.
     
  8. kzr

    kzr New Member

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    Thank you very much for all your advice you ahve given me some food for thought
     
  9. TheGardener

    TheGardener New Member

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    Sounds like it's time for some marital counseling, individually & couples.
     
  10. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Again, this is a moot thread. It hasn't had any posts since last May. Please do not practice thread necromancy.

    Thread closed.

    :lock:
     
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