So I'm a masochist, or a sadist? I'm confused!

Discussion in 'Sexual Fetishes and Fantasies' started by forki, Oct 23, 2014.

  1. forki

    forki New Member

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    Hi, everyone.

    I'm having a bit of a kinky identity crisis. The thing about it is, when I first become interested in sadomasochistic things, I was under the impression that I was a sadist because from a voyeurs perspective, I loved watching others subjected to control/dominance/humilation/degradation, etc. But after some time, when I began to consider my own involvement in these sorts of things, I sort of made the realization that the dominant or sadistic role definitely wasn't my calling, but that I actually identified with the submissive end instead.

    Though I felt like others could relate, most seem to find this strange when I explain it. I've been told that it isn't typical - that masochists don't really interpret sadistic behavior the same way a sadist does, and therefor shouldn't be finding any appeal in what they do / how they behave?

    So I'm curious, especially of those of you who consider yourself sexually submissive or masochist, when you first became intrigued, what was your "discovery" experience like? Did you know immediately which role you fit into?

    Is it not considered normal to have an attraction towards sadism as a masochist? I don't mean acting sadistically yourself, but just finding it in others to be attractive, or arousing? If you understand what I'm saying. o_O

    Some people have suggested that I may be a switch, but I don't agree with that. Because again, there is no appeal to me in actually taking a dominant or sadistic position, it's just that I'm attracted to that, and I like being on the receiving end of it.
     
    #1 forki, Oct 23, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2014
  2. 10_3XL

    Verified Gold Member

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    From my understanding of sadomasochism/domination-submission: What you described above amounts to the fact that you are a masochist/submissive. By definition you would be (more) attracted to those displaying sadistic/dominating behavior as they would be the best fit to the puzzle, so to speak. Not sure that I can see why this is confusing for you (though I may have misunderstood your meaning).

    There are others more knowledgeable on this subject here on SF, so I'll gladly stand corrected if I'm wrong in some way. :)
     
  3. lbushwalker

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    I see no contradiction with the OP's supposed issues.
    To his surprise he feel himself a Sub type personality that may be the only puzzle really so dude accept what you are and continue enjoying what you do.
     
  4. forki

    forki New Member

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    Well, yeah, I agree! Maybe I didn't make clear what my issue is - It's just that I have discussed this with others before who found it strange to say that I felt attracted to sadism, because according to them, that isn't normal for a sub - that subs are attracted to these relationships for other reasons? Wondering if anyone here would agree with that or not, and if so, what would "normal" be in most cases?

    I've also heard some people say "the best subs are really dominant at heart", which confuses me also!
     
  5. Ra1nb0wUnderwear

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    This is just anecdotal, but the majority of people I've met (online and in reality) who've admitted to being submissive in the bedroom have been people who are dominant personalities outside of the bedroom. There are obviously various levels of dominance/submission, but this is just what I've seen (or had relayed to me).

    I've also had a few men who knew me fairly well in a non-sexual context be [pleasantly] surprised once we got into the bedroom and my personality just suddenly changed. So who knows.