So glad I found this site!

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Rayne Storm, May 12, 2008.

  1. Rayne Storm

    Rayne Storm New Member

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    I have SOOO many questions about sex, but my boyfriend never wants to talk about it, and I certainly can't talk to family members about it.

    I read a few other sex forums, and discovered after only a couple of minutes at each that there were 13 year-olds there:eek

    So, I did a search for "adult" sex forums, many of those were porn sites, which I definitely don't have any use for...

    Then I found this one and was reading it this morning...It was so much better...Actual adults discussing sex-related issues and being open, honest and to the point without being immature and stupid about it...PERFECT!

    I do hope that you guys will bear with me, as I really do have quite a few questions that have just been piling up since I've had no one to discuss them with.

    Actually...Now that I'm here...I don't even know where to start :D


    I think the biggest one for me is about sex drive.

    Is it normal for a girl to want it ALL the time?

    I never had this problem until I hooked up with my current boyfriend...We have been together for almost 4 years and we have a 2 year-old...I was married before, but it was never like this.

    I think what I'm most concerned about is how my boyfriend might feel about my constant 'need', but like I said, he won't discuss it with me...

    So, I would like some opinions from other guys, about how they would feel if their partners were like this...Would it become irritating, do you think?...Should I try to tone it down and give him a break?...If so, any idea how that might be accomplished?

    And to the girls...Do you feel this way, too?...If so, how do your partners feel about it?...Do you ever get really frustrated or feel rejected when you can't get it?

    As mentioned, I have tons of questions...I hope that lumping a bunch of them together here is okay :)
     
  2. Steel

    Steel Member

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    I think the lack of communication is more of an issue than the amount of lovin you need.
     
  3. Rayne Storm

    Rayne Storm New Member

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    I've brought that up with him, too...But, he's not much of a talker about anything ever, with anyone...He's the quiet, reserved type, so I can understand it...I think he's just always concerned about possibly saying the wrong thing

    He always says that he doesn't express himself very well, yet he writes short stories for magazines...He says it's much different to write fiction than it is to discuss feelings

    I've gotten him to open up some over the years, but still not nearly enough, and I'm afraid that when he DOES talk, he tells me what I want to hear because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, when I just really want the cold, hard truth

    I've warned him that if he tells me he's okay with something when he's really not, then he's just going to keep getting it and it would be better to be honest...He just says he likes everything the way it is...But, people do have certain preferences, so how can I believe that absolutely everything I like, is the same thing he likes?

    I think if I get a little more insight and some possibilities, I can approach him with "Well, what about (this or that)?" and maybe it will be easier if I just give him specific yes or no questions...But...I need to know where to start, which is why I'm asking others how they feel about it.
     
  4. Dreama

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    It seems odd to me that a man that you've been with for four years, and have a child with won't open up to talk about sex! That's the holy grail of all subjects, the most fun for my husband and I to discuss. Perhaps if you reassure him that you're not going to think anything bad about him for what he says. I mean, if you're ready to have sex, you should be ready to at least talk about it certainly.
     
  5. amanda2008

    amanda2008 New Member

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    Well, i'm new - but i've been through 2 husbands now...

    At the risk of making people here really pissed, I have to say that if your drive has increased intensely recently, you really should see a doctor. Drastic changes can indicate problems - with me, it's if my drive slows down and i'm NOT thinking about it all the time...but i have heard rumors it works both ways. ;)
     
  6. Kanto

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    I actually found this site by putting "sexual" and "forum" in google. Apparently, the word "sexual" isn't as associated with porn sites as much as say "sex" or "sexy".

    There are a lot of things to consider. Most guys do like a horny girlfriend, but there are reasons why they might not. First don't assume that its some how your fault or his fault. There are lots of possible outside factors. Based on your description, I've tried to come up with a number of possible reasons. This list is hardly all-inclusive, I'm not a seer after all:

    -He's worried about getting your pregnant again. There are measures that both of you can take to prevent this, and that could potentially be reassuring.
    -One or more of his desires is going unfulfilled. Does he hesitate during sex? Does it seem like he's sometimes considering something in bed when he's with you?
    -He's worried that he needs to 'overperform'. If you're interested all the time, maybe he feels like he just can't quite get you where he'd like to take you in terms of your pleasure. This isn't a bad thing, you just need to remind him that you're there for him as much as you'd like him to be there for you.
     
  7. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    As some have already said, you'll need some sort of communication started ,where neither of you are pressured or fear hurt feelings, and you can begin to discuss both of your feelings.

    Well, something you mentioned in your second post is that he finds it hard to share his thoughts verbally, but does well on paper.... How would you feel about writing a 'love note' to him? Added to your words of love, find a short way of explaining to him the importance of the 'sex' subject. You might mention that you realize it's hard for him to talk about it face to face, so you hope this method might help... I'd suggest keeping it to 1 page. Don't dump it all on the table at once. You don't want to overwhelm him. Start slow and let the dialogue build.

    Enclose a blank paper with the words "Dear Rayne Storm".... so he understands how this might go... :lol - - and then give him time. He's a writer, and writers like time to think through their words - - to articulate. (If a couple weeks go by, you could give him a little "Love Note" nudge) ;)

    Probably sounds far-fetched, but it's what popped into my head immediately :)
    Rose
     
  8. cook74

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    Well...If the man writes then he might brood a lot, keep things to himself, observer rather than observed...etc (Not that I know the guy, but I do know some men are really hard to get to know well or deeply, and keep well within their armor or shell.)

    If this is the kind of guy the OP has as a partner then I would suggest just doing what she feels may be comfortable, or sexy, for both of them.

    Sure communication is important for a healthy relationship but you if you can't get the guy to open up it might not be all that bad. Just be yourself and loving and honest and maybe he will open up sometime soon with you.

    And Rose's idea is damn good! I'd give that a try too.;)
     
  9. Joe

    Joe
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    While I agree with the others that the lack of communication is a problem, I'm surprised nobody has addressed your questions.

    Is it normal for a girl to want it ALL the time?
    No, not ALL the time. Do you really mean ALL the time? You're never satisfied? Please define "ALL" in number of times per day.

    So, I would like some opinions from other guys, about how they would feel if their partners were like this...Would it become irritating, do you think?
    I've never been with a woman who wanted sex more often than I, but if I was, yes. We're only capable of so many ejaculations in a day, and while good sex is possible without an ejaculation, it is frustrating, and if we go much beyond that, just getting and keeping an erection is difficult. Different guys have different thresholds, but most under 40 or 50 should be capable of having good sex a couple times a day at least. Most probably couldn't have sex more than five or six times daily on a regular basis. Even in my earlier years when that was possible, I'd have probably gotten bored with it that often, every day. There's more in life to enjoy than sex.

    I can only speak for myself, but when my late wife first came to live with me I was in my late 40s. In the first few weeks we had sex three or four times a day, but after that it soon became twice a day and maybe three or four times on a "special" day. After a year or so the norm was once each day, and after two or three years we settled on once about every 36 hours (morning sex one day, evening sex the next, a day without, morning sex, evening sex, then the weekend with sex maybe twice a day). This was a mild compromise for me, as I'd rather have had sex at least daily, if not twice daily, but it was often enough that I was happy with the frequency. The sex we had was very good.

    Should I try to tone it down and give him a break?
    I think it depends a bit on what "ALL the time" means, but if it's more often than what your partner wants, perhaps toning it down a little would be a smart move. Ideally you can come to a frequency that you're both happy with, but if not it's usually the one who wants it more often that must cut back.

    If so, any idea how that might be accomplished?
    Masturbation is always a possibility, or you can get involved with a hobby to occupy your mind and body. Sometimes lots of exercise will help.

    Again, please be more specific with the frequency you want other than "all the time." How often do you and your husband have sex now, and how often would you like it to be?
     
  10. johnnyangel694u

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    I will put my 2cents in on the man's opinion on horny women.
    I my 21 year marriage my wife wanted it more than me. I didn't object either.:lol
    The one thing that became a problem was quantity vs quality. She wanted it all the time and I would do anything to rock her boat. When it came to satisfying me she would just lay down, spread her legs and count the fly shit on the ceiling.:lol Keep it fresh and interesting. Another problem is there are times some men need to recuperate. Let the swimmers gather in numbers. If I went several nights in a row, my orgasm was weak.
    Hope this little bit helps.
     
  11. CutiePie25

    CutiePie25 New Member

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    I'll try to answer this one for you... I have a very high libido, luckily my SO does also. However with our busy lives and work schedules sex doesn't happen every day for us. It really depends on the week how much we have sex. For instance, this week we might have it 2-4 times, but next week with the way our schedules work out we may have it 5-6 times. We don't live together either which has a little bit to do with the frequency.

    I'm pretty sure my SO likes how high my libido is, at least most of the time. :eyes But if he's not in the mood I never feel rejected b/c I know its not something I've done or didn't do. He makes sure I know how much he loves me, never makes me feel as if I've done something wrong when he doesn't want to have sex.

    I was in a marriage where my husband never spoke to me about why he didn't want to have sex, and in that relationship I felt very rejected when he didn't want to (we had sex maybe once or twice a month). I would try to initiate 2-3 times a week and he never wanted to, and it really hurt my feelings cause he always made me feel like it was my fault b/c I didn't do the housework right or he had to do extra work and was tired b/c I didn't do something, ya know?

    I like Rose's idea about writing him a letter. Some people just find it easier to express their feelings in the written word. Just recently my ex and I had a long conversation on AIM about some of the reasons our marriage failed and our sex life, or lack thereof, came up. It seemed easier for him to type out what was going thru his mind when I tried to initiate than talking about it when we were together.

    Just remember, communication is a very important part of a healthy relationship. I can talk to my boyfriend about anything and everything. Its really wonderful having such an open relationship. Hope this helps.
     
  12. Rayne Storm

    Rayne Storm New Member

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    You guys are absolutely WONDERFUL!...Thank you so much for trying to help me...I really do appreciate it.

    You guys have actually helped me to start a dialog...I showed him this thread :)

    Exactly!...This is why I have a hard time understanding his reluctance to talk about it, because it seems like it should be normal, but I'm just so completely open about everything, and he's far more introverted...I mean, I KNOW that, so I should be more understanding...But, I don't WANT it to be that way...And, I just realized how selfish that is:eek:
    Yeah, I had so much to throw out here in just my first post that I left out a lot of specifics

    As for the first thing you said, I had a tubal ligation immediately after our son was born...So, we're good there :)

    To the second possibility...I really think that the sex is good for him...I mean, he says it is (but, then again, what guy would tell his girl that it wasn't?)...And from his reactions, I'd say he's having a good time :)

    I think you hit it on the third one...When he read your post he said, "Read that last part again"...He didn't even comment on the rest of your post...So, I asked, "Do you really feel that way?...How could you POSSIBLY?" and we talked about it a little...I would have never imagined that possibility, considering the fact that he is SO amazingly, incredibly GOOD...I've never been with someone who was so (ya know, I don't even have a WORD that's good enough...Indescribable) in bed...He is the sexiest creature alive...And I mean 'sexiest' in its true sense...Everything about him just screams sex...The way he moves, the way he's made, the way he looks, the way his skin feels, his eyes, his lips, his...ugh...I'll just say 'everything' AGAIN :)...Even the way he fits me, it's as if he was made just for me...So perfect...When he's just taking off his clothes to go to bed, I get excited...His voice on the phone even makes me hot...When he LOOKS at me, I want him...And when he touches me, I'm ready

    Damn...THIS is what I mean by wanting it "ALL the time"...It isn't because I can't get satisfied, it's because he's so good that I never want to stop feeling him...It's so euphoric...Like a drug...And, as soon as the baby goes to sleep I feel like 'now I've got my chance', but by the time the baby goes to sleep, so does my boyfriend...So, I get frustrated...He needs much more sleep to function than I do, and I know this, but I keep thinking that maybe he could sleep for just an hour less or something if he really wanted to, which leads to to feeling like maybe he doesn't really want to, but when he falls asleep, he's just dead...And, this is where I start to feel like it could be very irritating for him, my constant wanting.
    I've tried this, and did get some things from him that I hadn't before...When he's at work, sometimes we text each other on the cell phone or 'talk' on Yahoo...He IS more forthcoming that way, but when I get to specifics, he usually says things like "You should already know that" and "Everything's fine, just the way it is"...Maybe I'm just pushing for too much.
    Oh MY...Are you SURE you don't know him? :D...Seriously...That was dead on :)...He's a Cancer...And he is VERY Cancer...While I am extremely Scorpio.
    I tried to explain this one already:)...As for times, if we have the opportunity, we do it about 3-4 times a day...But, some days we don't get a chance to do it at all...Most days, at least twice...But, as soon as we 'finish', I want to do it again...I just don't ever want it to stop...I can't get enough of him
    Yes, he tells me at times that he's just not 'capable' of continuing, because we've pretty much 'worn it out':eek:(He can get off twice in a short period of time, but then we usually have to wait about an hour before he can go again...If he gets off 3 times in a short period of time, he says it's painful...Maybe that's normal?)...And while I DO understand human limitations ...That doesn't make me want it any less...:D...Oh, and he's 23 years old.
    I've considered masturbation, but I just can't get into it at all without him...He's what gets me going, ya know?...As for keeping busy, the baby keeps me VERY busy, but when he's asleep, like I said, I feel like that's my chance...Like right now, baby's taking a nap, but boyfriend's at work...Guess what I'd rather be doing than playing with the computer :)
    I really would like it to be every single chance we get (which is really only when the baby is sleeping)...Without sleeping...Without eating...Just being wrapped up in each other...I know that's unrealistic...If I could only explain how amazing he is...I don't think anyone would fault me for wanting that all the time
    Oh no, trust me, we don't have THAT problem...I am ALL over him...He drives me crazy...Just looking at him, touching him...I swear if I could fit his whole body in my mouth, I'd do it :D...I have to be careful not to bite him too hard, or hurt him, and it's difficult because sometimes I don't even feel like I'm completely lucid...It's so primal...
    Yeah, I really do need to keep this in mind...I have tremendous amounts of energy and he just doesn't...He works a lot and he's tired when he gets home...I do know these things...But, sometimes I feel like if he wanted me as much as I want him, he'd just naturally be able to do it or something...That's where the 'rejection' feelings come from...I know that isn't right
    I really want him to get to that point...I've always been able to talk about anything and everything...I don't even have a thought without sharing it with him...But, he's just not like that
    Oh yes...All of you guys have helped a LOT...I have quite a bit to think about...Things I should have considered before...I guess I really just needed some outside perspective...You guys are awesome for sharing with me

    These feelings (even after almost 4 years) are still somewhat new to me...When I was married, this was never an issue...Sometimes we would have sex, sometimes we wouldn't...It just never was any big deal...The sex was just 'normal'...But NOW...I've just never experienced anything like this...anything like HIM...Wow...You just have no idea :D
     
    #12 Rayne Storm, May 13, 2008
    Last edited: May 13, 2008
  13. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    There is the possibility of a hormone rage. This could happen from many circumstances. Have you been to your MD - and discussed the matter with him. Mind you - I'm no medical expert, but I know that there are ramifications from an overactive thyroid that can release an extreme amount of certain hormones, which could cause an unusual increase in libido.

    Any time your body experiences an unusual change in normalcy, it is time to check out all the possible causes. Granted, what you are experiencing is every man's 'fantasy come true' :lol - the reality is that you need to pursue possible irregularities. If nothing else, just to negate them from the equation.

    Other than that, honey, learn to masturbate with your lovely husband in mind! :brow It's a wonderful release, and perhaps will lighten the load of your insatiable desire while waiting for your hubby to recover from the last 'romp'! :lol

    Rose
     
  14. Dreama

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    I really get what you're saying, Rayne Storm. I feel exactly the same way about my hubby. So much so, that since we met, I am always drooling over him because he's so sexcellent. I can really see where your coming from there. However, Hubby has a lot of other things to do, and though we do have a satisfying sex life, if I really could, I'd spend all day having sex and cuddling up to him. So, I masturbate with him in mind, and stew and daydream over him, so when he's ready for some lovin', I'm always ready. If you are getting sex pretty regularly, I wouldn't worry about that- it only makes for better time together. However, the lines of communication could be better...That's what will really help most of your issues.
     
  15. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    My kind of girl!

    Are you kidding? The average guy would give his right arm for a girl who is always up for sex! Just make a point NOT to humiliate the guy. If it turns out that you need it more than he does, be honest and gentle about it. I had this experience while dating a girl 20 years younger than me. When she was hot to trot, and I was tired, I'd help her masturbate herself! I'd suck her boobs and finger her g-spot while she rocked out on her clit with her own hand! Frankly I found it loads of fun! She'd scream and yell and have the greatest orgasms! And the next time around she got it from my dick when my energy levels were higher.

    The point is good communication! You're got to be open with each other!
     
  16. cook74

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    "Oh MY...Are you SURE you don't know him? ...Seriously...That was dead on ...He's a Cancer...And he is VERY Cancer...While I am extremely Scorpio."

    I'm a crab as well ;)
     
  17. Lotus77

    Lotus77 New Member

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    Me too
     
  18. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Welcome to :sf.

    Keep on working on building that openness and the ability to talk about anything with your partner. You don't sound like you would, but just make sure that when he does open up that you don't punish him for anything he might say. Especially with folks who don't naturally open up, anything that could be perceived as punishment for something they said will make them not open up again. He has to feel "emotionally safe" with you, so do what you can to make that the case and keep it that way!

    All the suggestions everyone has made are great, I think. Definitely consider the masturbation route. Actually, that would probably make a good conversation for you and your BF! Tell him that you just want him all the time because he's so hot (I can't see any guy not LOVING hearing that from his SO), but you realize that you are a nympho (throw some humor in!). Tell him you'd like to buy a vibrator or other similar sex toys to use on yourself (check out the Rabbit-style vibes...my wife loves hers, although she's a bit bored with it right now I think. A lot of ladies here also swear by the Hitachi Magic Wand and some of it's attachments). IF he has any insecurities about performance already, you might want to approach the idea very gently...someone mentioned thinking about him while using the vibe, so tell him that...that's another thought that should make him feel quite good. ;)

    HTH. Post more questions!

    BD
     
  19. dondeluis

    dondeluis New Member

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    You probably just have a lot of testosterone.
     
  20. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Women don't usually have a lot of testosterone. ;)