Smothered with love

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by zodiac, Apr 21, 2013.

  1. zodiac

    zodiac New Member

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    I have been reading these forums for a long time. I can't even remember my old login so I just made a new one.

    I will point out some things about my relationship. I am 33. She is 21. This is our 8th month of dating and everything was PERFECT for the first 6 months. The last 2 months have been extremely frustrating. I feel like she is sooooo needy and every second of happiness she has is completely dependent on me. She is very social and happy with people but she constantly doesn't go out with people she works with because she says she doesn't want to go drinking. For once in a relationship, I am actually suggesting she go out and drink and socialize instead of asking a girl not to go get wasted 5 nights a week. She seems to be distancing herself from friends that she doesn't feel are healthy but it has left her with not many friends.

    I feel smothered and we have talked about it. She has been doing good with finding something to do in her free time. There is one major problem though. When we do spend time together it doesn't seem like it's ever enough. FYI we live together and sleep next to each other. Every second we have a leg or arm on each other while we sleep.

    That stuff I like. I have always been down with the snuggling. Her is my point of frustration. No matter how long I snuggle, when I pull away to scratch my ass I hear a complaint. "You don't want to snuggle with me". If we are holding hands and I pull away because its necessary because of the situation (i.e. we are walking on a sidewalk and people are walking by) I get a complaint. She always wants to sit in my lap, even when it is completely uncomfortable and not convenient.

    Today's argument started because of that very issue. We slept in late because we usually do on Sundays. Because of this we were both starving and grumpy so we ran to grab a sub. When we get home to eat it, I sit down to my sub and she starts trying to sit on my lap. Basically I gently crossed my hands and let her know silently she couldn't sit down. She forced her way into my lap so I forced her off of me. Nothing violent. I just slid her off my lap onto the couch. She proceeds to silently tear up and it made me feel awful. I always feel awful telling her no but she seems to relentlessly put herself into these situations.

    I know we are worlds apart age wise. Everything else in this relationship is compatible. I work part time as a server/bartender while I am getting a business I just started off the ground. I admit my free time is limited when you add 2 soccer teams that I play on to the mix. I don't want to lose this girl. She is worth fighting for. How do I make this work?
     
  2. Mittimer

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    The problem isn't your time management or your actions, it is her emotional insecurity that she is outwardly expressing. The way she is acting is completely unacceptable if she wants to confine a healthy relationship.

    Have you asked her why she's this way? Maybe talk to her and really get to the bottom of why she feels that she must be physically attached to you at every moment. There is definitely an underlying reason this started out of the blue.

    I don't want to plant ideas but I find it really strange that everything was good in the beginning but then it changed. Was this around the time that you two moved in together? Or was this literally just a random occurrence?
     
  3. zodiac

    zodiac New Member

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    Honestly I was having some financial stress and it all culminated around valentines day. I dropped the ball on the actual day but made up for it that weekend when I had free time and some cash flow. Ever since then I feel like she has been uneasy. Like she can't get comfortable. You don't have to plant ideas. They are already popping up. You are dead on about insecurity. Here is where I feel like I have gone wrong. I have been saying that for about a month now. Her insecurities are driving us apart. All she gets out of it is that I am making her feel like crap about herself. I don't want to make her feel bad.

    I will admit a fault that is making this worse. I am bad about showing affection I think. I can chat like a girl, love to cuddle, and and a committed and skilled lover - but I am terrible about doing little extra things like leaving notes or buying little gifts. I use to think I was good about telling a girl she is beautiful but she says I don't. I want to get better at that stuff but the constant need of it doesn't inspire me to do it.

    I have noticed some serious jealousy but we were always about to be rational about it in the end.
     
  4. dougsan

    dougsan New Member

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    Reverse the roles. Put her in your shoes and you give it a go in hers. Something is eating at her, bringing up her insecurities. Talk fully and honestly with her. Your love, if it's real and you manage to get her to believe you, will come to the fore. Be gentle. She is in pain for some reason.
     
  5. zodiac

    zodiac New Member

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    Good advice. Thank you