Smoking - a relationship problem

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by sexynzgirl, Dec 5, 2006.

  1. sexynzgirl

    sexynzgirl New Member

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    My boyfriend tells me I smell yukky because I smoke. He complains alot about it actually. He says that when we have sex, even if I brush my teeth he can still smell yukkiness because I tend to breathe deeply during. I want to quit but I just can't stop obsessing about it when I can't have a cigarette its driving me up the frickin wall..... I'm tired of him being grossed out by my ashy aroma... argh! Any advice on kicking it? Cos just his complaints enough are enough to make me reconsider my habit let alone the health risks... has anyone else hear given up smoking because it was grossing their partner out?
     
  2. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    I'm afraid your only options are to:

    1. quit, and the only way to quit is to quit cold turkey.
    2. find another boyfriend who also smokes
    3. find another boyfriend who doesn't mind smoking

    I used to smoke and my partner didn't. I now have a different partner who also doesn't smoke but I didn't end up quitting because it was grossing him out; I ended up quitting for me. He said it was my life and my decision whether I wanted to smoke. Usually if you try to quit smoking for another person you end up failing. The only way you can truly quit anything, whether it's drinking, smoking, etc, is when you are ready to do it for you and because you're ready.
     
  3. sexynzgirl

    sexynzgirl New Member

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    Thankyou Puss
    Just before I read your message (about 5 minutes ago) I went and threw out the rest of my cigarettes and removed any evidence of past smoking so I wouldn't be reminded. I've been wanting to do it for awhile and my boyfriends displeasure has pushed me over the edge of teetering on giving up. I appreciate you saying that it needs to be done 'cold turkey' because I've noticed that cutting down to one or two a day just leaves me in a state of torture! I'm going to try hard this time instead of doing it half-assed like in previous feeble attempts. I love my boyfriend so I'm not going to try and find another one for the sake of a smelly unhealthy habit that I'm not even particularly enjoying anymore. So thanks :)
     
  4. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    You're welcome and I wish you the best of luck. Remember what the famous American author, Mark Twain once said:

    "Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I myself quit over 500 times."

    I tried cutting down, which didn't work, and I even tried that nicotine gum, which also didn't work. All those methods still introduce nicotine to the body so the cravings don't really go away. The only way to stop is to stop completely. Find something, an activity or something you can keep yourself busy with and that will help keep your mind off the cravings.

    If you can make it through the first week then you're probably going to make it.
     
  5. Thorn

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    4. get your boyfriend to start smoking.

    I'm only joking, I'm sorry. But Puss is right on the cold turkey approach. I quit a drinking 3 months ago that way. I know you've heard this before but, "take it one day at a time." That way you will be building a positive history of "not smoking." It will be hard and there will be strong and week days but after a week, then a month, etc. your history of not doing it will be a stronghold to and for you. Good luck! I'm pulling for you. :)
     
  6. Dreama

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    I had to stop social smoking because my fiance is allergic to cigarette smoke. It's not as bad to stop social smoking, but it was still kind of hard to do. I just had to stop completely.
     
  7. schwa'd

    schwa'd New Member

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    the freedom from smoking program from the american lung association at lungusa.org, really helped me. i'm grateful everyday that i don't smoke anymore and would never date someone who smokes.
     
  8. pussycat69

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    I quit cold turkey one day.I just decided it was gross and expensive.It was about ttime.Now it's 5 years later....no smoking for me!
     
  9. Brad

    Brad New Member

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    Hi Sexynzgirl

    What an interesting topic!

    I have very strong views on smoking and have written a lot of articles in the local papers on this topic. There is a lot of hypocrisy on this topic from the highest levels downwards.

    Those especially that have never smoked, can not possibly realise just how very addictive smoking is. More addictive than heroine is often quoted.

    The first response from Puss hit the nail on the head totally.

    Only one single thing can deliver success in giving up the addiction. That is you making the profound decision that you will give up for your own benefit and nothing else. It is one of the toughest decisions to make meaningfully.

    Giving up for a partner or because you are told that you should, will not deliver a sufficient motive and it is 100% bound to fail.

    I personally smoke cigars. I go all day without one, but look forward to a smoke (or three!) when I get home from work. Folks at work don’t believe that I smoke at all when I tell them!

    Only once in my smoking life did I decide to give up.

    I went a whole year without a single smoke.

    Only following a close family loss, did I do some general soul searching. My wife a non smoker told me, “In this year that you have given up, you have been miserable throughout am I right??”

    She was bang on right, even though I had never mentioned how much I still craved a smoke.

    I have been back on smoking ever since (12 years ago) and she prefers me that way.

    When I speak to smokers that have given up long term they all tell me that the craving remains as though it were only a day since they gave up. I appreciate that.

    Sorry for wondering off the track of your original posting a bit!

    Back on to the original thrust of your posting:

    Firstly I would recommend that you do some long hard thinking on whether you are motivated enough to want for you, to give up the habit.

    Assuming you decide to continue smoking, you need to let your boyfriend know so that he can decide whether or not to accept your habit. That way he has the decision of whether to accept you as you are and stop moaning, or move on.

    On the possibility of a partner accepting a smoker?

    Well my wife never moans about my habit. She was the catalyst that got me to start again after a year off it and I thank her for been so understanding. I reciprocate that understanding by limiting my activity to only one agreed room in our home.

    On disguising the tell tale smells, in respect to my non smoking wife, before any intimate session, I always scrub my teeth, floss, mouth wash, tongue wash etc followed by not a single item of clothing that has been present in a smoking environment.

    It can work with a smoker and a non-smoker.

    I am very lucky indeed to have a partner that is tolerant of my smoking.
     
  10. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    When my bf and I started dating he smoked. He had never had any issues with it because his ex had never had a problem with him smoking in their apartment or otherwise.

    However, I am very sensitive to cigarette smoke and had a hard time being around him whne he had been smoking. Before we moved closer together he would make an all out attempt to not smoke the whole day if he was goign to see me that night (it was a 5 hr drive which was hard for him cuz smoking made the drive go faster)
    He also would not smoke when we were together. After a while we moved to the same town and although in the end it was his decision, I did kind of pressure him to stop. I didn't like not being able to hug him when he got home from work without starting to sneeze and wheeze.

    He still has the occasional cigarette at the bar or during a really stressful week, but I can handle that a lot better than every day.

    He has also said it was a good decision. He coughs less and says food tastes better now (unless I make it cuz that will just NEVER taste good).

    I never asked him to stop because I thought it was 'icky' but I'll be honest, I still don't enjoy kissing him after he's been smoking it just makes me feel BLEGH
     
    #10 BiBiBaby, Dec 5, 2006
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2006
  11. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Kissing a Smoker is like licking and ashtray!

    I used to smoke a pack a day of Marlboros! I quit 20 years ago and never touch a cigarette since! It is SO bad for your health there's no good arguement in favor of continuing.
     
  12. Havok

    Havok New Member

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    I was actually surprised the first time I kissed a girl that was a smoker. I had heard about how horrible it was, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. Maybe I was lucky, but it wasn't as gross as I had been told. Don't get me wrong, kissing a non-smoker is a lot better, but kissing a smoker isn't that big of a deal. Luckily, my girlfriend doesn't smoke, but if she did smoke I think I love her enough that I could get over it...
     
  13. sed.

    sed. New Member

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    i am on the exact opposite side on this topic.... my gf is a smoker and i only smoke now when i drink which is usually on the weekends..... i went from a pack a day to nothing and that lasted for about 8 months...... you just have to tell yourself how disgusting it is..... and the only real reason i smoke when im drunk now is because

    1- it actually tastes good........smoking and beer
    2- so i didnt have to taste her cigarette mouth when i wasnt smoking

    and since i love to kiss when i drink i kinda just keep it to the weekends. she needs to quit eventually and she even knows it but i dont know why anyone would ever leave their partner because of a smoking issue...... it just comes down to what you think is more important.... a filthy expensive habit or a relationship. based upon your answer thats how your relationship will be guided.
     
  14. Martin_Baker

    Martin_Baker New Member

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    An ex I used to live with was a regular smoker and I'm a non-smoker. I think it's a personal thing as I personally don't mind smokers and am not disgusted by it but I just choose not to.

    She'd smoked since early teenage years and I certainly wasn't interested in trying to change something that she'd done for years. She often remarked how much it really didn't bother me every time she went outside for a smoke, apparently one of her ex's used to practically berate her every time she wanted a smoke.

    Just because a woman smokes does not instantly mean I'm no longer interested in getting to know her. I admit I wouldn't be able to live in a house where someone smokes inside, but as long as the air inside the house is clear then it wouldn't bother me at all. I can smell/taste it on a woman's breath but it doesn't gross me out and I'm able to ignore it.

    As I said it really is a personal choice, if you seriously don't like cigarettes at all then you are entitled to that, I just know it doesn't bother me.
     
  15. LaVitaDolce

    LaVitaDolce New Member

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    I am a non smoker and prefer to be with a non smoker, but even if they did smoke I wouldn't change them. It doesn't bother me that bad.
     
  16. tapmyglass

    tapmyglass New Member

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    I had to give up smoking for my girlfriend. At first I hid my smoking from her and did that very well for a while. However she caught me and it was clear she wouldnt stay with me if I continued to smoke. It was for the best and I am glad that I stopped.
     
  17. slim25

    slim25 New Member

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    It's your life isn't it? Did you smoke before you started going out with him? Saying that, the smell does stick around and the only way to get rid of it is to stop smoking. Go cold turkey. It's tough but worth it. Plus, do it for you, not for him. Do you want to quit? :)
     
  18. civeta_dei

    civeta_dei New Member

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    I have had the same problem, my girlfriend doesn't like that I smoke. She also doesn't like that I drink as much as I do, she said she worries I'm going to hurt myself. I'm in college and I tend to be a bit of a partier. I have cut back my drinking and smoking for her, but also because I realize it's not healthy for me. I don't think it's necessarily bad to change your habits because it bothers your partner, because it shows that you value what they think and that they are important to you. That said, it shouldn't be the sole reason you quit. But a little outside inspiration never hurt anyone.
     
  19. HikeItUp

    HikeItUp New Member

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    I'd say your better bet is to live your life how you see fit. Is changing your behavior for someone else really the best bet?
    Of course, some men, like me, actually find smoking to be enjoyable and, at times, erotic. Lots of paths up the mountain I guess.
     
  20. Hot Wheels

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    You do realise that this thread is more than 6 years old don't you?....;)