Should we worry?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Nuggets, Mar 5, 2008.

  1. Nuggets

    Nuggets New Member

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    My SO is saying her period is late and she "feels like she looks like a pregnant woman." We have been together for almost a year now and I have noticed some things. Her period is irregular, among other things. I don't remember the exact dates but I know some months she has it during the 20th-30th of the month and others it's at the beginning of the month. I would say that this is still the beginning of the month and it hasn't happened yet. Also we have gotten ourselves all worried multiple times before over nothing. I guess we're kind of paranoid/better safe than sorry kind of people.

    For the way she looks - she makes comments about how she thinks she has gotten fatter, etc. Personally I don't think she looks much different (if at all) from when I first met her. However, usually when people attend univeristy, they tend to grow and gain weight from all of the bad eating habits, bad living style, staying up late and eating, alcohol, etc. Anyone ever heard of "the freshman 15?" I have noticed that she really likes to eat, and a lot of junk food. Her appetite for snacking is higher than mine. I've noticed that some girls just like to consume lots of junk food. In any case, I am comfortable with who she is and how she looks, but if she isn't, then I wonder how I can bring this up to her. I don't think her stomach "looks like that of a pregnant lady" as she says - I think there might be a tiny bit of extra skin there from her habits of eating and not working out. (Don't want to sound offensive FYI. I think she's beautiful and I love everything about her)

    So yeah, I don't know, once again. She has gotten me scared over nothing about 5 times before this and I don't really feel like being scared, but I know she knows her body more than I do. Maybe her period will happen today or something. I know we've been under a lot of stress with exams at school, roommate issues, she has been on the run since she got home for our break, etc. I believe there are many things that affect a woman's period.

    Also FYI we use condoms every time. Supposedly this is more effective than what statistical numbers say. Unfortunately a lot of people I know do the deed without condoms every time and somehow they don't get pregnant. I wish I could talk my SO into birth control but she thinks that its unnatural to stop one of your body's natural processes. :ugh Isn't there some sort of male birth control out there now? Give it to me?


    In any case, reflections!
     
  2. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    As I understand it, the female birth control pill is the most effective means. Condoms are a good means, but only if used correctly (don't allow it to slip off inside afterwards, etc.)

    I'm detecting some oddness here...does she want to become pregnant? Just curious. You might want to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk about it all.

    BD
     
  3. Nuggets

    Nuggets New Member

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    Nah - neither of us want her to become pregnant right now. We at least have to finish school and get settled down somewhere. So, preferably like 10 years from now. yeah
     
  4. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    So, what would you both do if you are indeed pregnant? (Sorry, don't mean to ask hard questions here...but then, hard questions are the ones that really need decisions ahead of time.)

    BD
     
  5. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

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    My periods used to go all over the place when I was stressed, did lots of physical activity constanly or just had a change of enviroment. The pill used these days is a lot less stronger than it used to be, I know there's loads of stuff in the media and on the internet about possible health scares, but I'd take them with a grain of salt. It's such a widely used and studied drugs the effects are well known. Even the weight gain normally attributed to it is overstated.

    Thats not to say that your SO isn't having a reaction to the pill but it shouldn't necessarilly be the first possible cause you look at, especially as chances are she's been on it for a few years. You mentioned diet that could be a cause rather than a sympton.

    Anywho the amount of mates I've had that have complained of looking pregnent:) it's just an expression

    Anyway it does sound like you need to sort your form of birth control out. 5 scares is a pretty solid sign of this. there are options to the pill although condoms in a long term relationship can't be relied on by themselves. Maybe you could change the way you have sex. I was off the pill for nearly six months and it worked out fine.

    Anywho sounds like a trip to the doctor / gyno is in order. Just be straight up with her tell her she looks shitty and she should go, don't make a whole big deal of sitting down and trying to turn it into some intervention (not everything has to be a drama)

    Incidently if she has a poor diet try cooking:).
     
  6. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Speaking of reading posts carefully ;), she's not on the pill.

    I just think you should sit down and talk about this, and try to guage what her motivations are, and if there's more at work here than meets the eye. One of my college girlfriends who became a live-in partner for several years went on the pill at one point (we had always used condoms before). A while after that, one of my close female friends pulled me aside one day and said "Do you realize she's taking the pill in the wrong order?" This made my mind spin. Was she doing it by accident or on purpose? She did repeatedly nag me about wanting to get married, and she wasn't exactly a stupid woman. I never confronted her about it, although I should have...I told her "we're going back to condom's just to be safe." In my foolishly trusting nature, I tried to see some good in it..."maybe she just loves me so much that she's trying to get pregnant so we'll have to get married?" (With the wisdom I have now, I know I should've kicked her ass out right then and there. But that's an entirely different story.) Anyway, I could be wrong, but I think you really need to try to guage her intentions...I'm not trying to create any distrust in your mind, but you do have to consider all the options.

    Again, I think the main question to start with is "what do you both do if you get pregnant?" Would you want her to have an abortion, or would you want to raise a child now? Which would she want? (Hint: if she thinks birth control pills are unnatural, then I feel certain abortion would not be an option in her mind.)

    Just to make sure you understand: I'm not making any judgements here (for instance, I'm not going to say whether I believe in abortion or not, I'm not going to express any opinion about where you should go...that's your value system and for you both to decide). I just want to encourage you to think ahead...raising a child is a serious commitment, as parents on this forum can tell you...things such as choosing to raise a child or even to have an abortion absolutely should not be taken lightly. In general, I think guys tend to take it more lightly than women do...that's really why I'm trying to offer some insight.

    Good luck with it all,
    BD
     
  7. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

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    You're a dick but fair one, I'm a silly moo

    I just jumped stright into the assumption that she was on the pill, even though I did read your post. Weight gain irregular periods its a conversation I've had a few times. Usually i just leap straight in to defend the pill which as far as I'm concerned is one of the medical miracles of the late 20th century. I never really fancied having a half dozen kids by the time I was 25.

    Anywho I apologize sincerely. But as to the rest of my post I'm still going with diet being a cause rather than a sympton. She needs to go to the doctor and for irregular periods the Pill won't be long coming up in conversation, actually I think some doctors use it as a catch all without trying to sort out the main problem.

    And as for birth control I thought you had problems when you were using condoms and the pill. Are you surprised that you've had 5 scares, condoms are not a reliable form of birth control if you're having sex regularly, plus I'm willing to bet you haven't been using a spermicide, ideally you should lace your cock and her with it.

    To be honest I think she needs to sort her life and take control of her body. There are a few birth control optionse can choose. but I can't believe its falling to you to worry about it.

    Incidently why isn't she on the pill?

    Oh and as for your question ahm yeah you should worry
     
  8. Mr.Tongue

    Mr.Tongue New Member

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    I wonder if she has been wanting to get married, she just like an ex of mine from years ago. every few months she would say she thought she was preganate. want she wanted was for me to propose and us get married and ofcourse move in together. she wanted a secure commitment.
    in the end she was never pregnate, and her dishonesty pushed me away. bummer cause I often think about what might have been.

    yeah time to talk.
     
  9. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    In answer to your question (Should I be worried?), most definitely yes. There is a risk of pregnancy with any kind of genital contact between two fertile partners of the opposite sex, whether or not you use protection. Condoms have a fairly high failure rate with normal (not perfect) use: about 14%.

    Before I went on the pill I had irregular periods as well, sometimes waiting three or four months between periods, and stress did effect the irregularity a lot. One time I went almost six months between periods. I took two pregnancy tests during that time, both of which were negative. It was just stress.

    I'd recommending going to your local pharmacy and buying a pregnancy test (they're cheap) and finding out for sure. Then you can decide how to proceed.
     
  10. Nuggets

    Nuggets New Member

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    This is all good advice. I'm pretty sure we both want to marry each other, just not yet, and we're definitely not ready yet for kids. We still have to finish college and live a little bit. She even said how she doesn't want to get married until after grad school anyway. One day her and I were at the mall and we ran into an old friend of hers who was pregnant and it was really awkward for the both of them. I'm about 100% sure she doesn't want a baby right now. I really wish she would take the pill, but she thinks there are too many bad side effects or something. I don't know. I'm REALLY weird about taking medicine but I'd probably take it if I was a woman. I think the pregnancy test thing is a good idea. I've suggested it before but never went through with it when we realized she was just freaking out.

    If one really was pregnant: when would their stomach start to show? Also, wouldn't they have had to miss periods at least once or twice before that? I read around on the internet for a while and most women were saying your stomach shows within 4-5 months but it varies for some. I know that she hasn't missed any periods and hasn't all of a sudden grown or anything. I think she eats poorly, and sometimes we eat poorly together (but I haven't really gained any weight because I have an incredibly fast metabolism and have always been wayyy skinny and too far underweight)
     
  11. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    If it's a first pregnancy then the baby bump can take several months to really start showing.

    As far as the side effects of the pill, unless she's a heavy smoker then they aren't really that serious. Plus if she's sensitive to the effects of hormones then there are plenty of low-hormone pill alternatives available. She should talk to her gynecologist about it. There are also very effective non-hormonal birth control alternatives available, such the IUD.

    Buy a pregnancy test.
     
  12. Dreama

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    You need get her a pregnancy test! Perhaps you should both discuss the pill..I know she doesn't think hormones would be good for her, but maybe if she learned a little more about the pill, she could reconsider, and make a truly educated decision. I think the need to not bring a child into the world outweighs the hormones thing, unless it makes her life worse or something. Or as Puss said, maybe she should be fitted for an IUD.
     
  13. FlirtyChick

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    I agree with Sarah on this point entirely, except I believe that committed sexual partners should discuss, agree upon, and practice a reliable method of birth control on a consistent basis.

    If she just missed her period, then she should not be appearing pregnant for quite some time. I agree with Puss and Dreama. Get a pregnancy test to relieve anxiety, then schedule an appointment with a gynecologist together and discuss all the birth control options available. You should discuss these in private and make a choice. If you haven't yet you should both be tested for STDs before you shun the condoms.

    I cannot address the underlying issues of 5 pregnancy scares or her feeling like she looks like a pregnant woman. The psychology of that eludes me, but I have a suspicion there are some underlying issues for her on some level.

    Please be responsible. If you plan to marry each other someday you should be close enough to have no problems discussing this.

    Good luck!
     
  14. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    My wife's periods are quite irregular and vary somewhere between 24 - 35 days. Much has to do with stress at work and the more stressed she gets the longer the time between each cycle.

    Based on your posting it appears that your SO wants / wishing to be pregnant. If you have used condoms everytime as the manufacturer states and there has been no failure of it then the chance that she is pregnant is less than 5%, most likely less than 2%.

    Also it seems that she has some misinformation about birth control. To begin with birth control does not stop her period it regulates them so that they occur every 28 days. She might find that it also reduces the pain and flow associated it with it not to mention clearing up her face if she has acne. Even if she does not want to go on the pill there are other options such as the diaphragm which is inserted prior to sex and taken out afterwards. The diaphragm does not require any hormones. Also there is the IUD and female condom again both do not interfere with the body's process. Being in school is enough for her to consider birth control as studies show 78% of those who drop out of college do not return to complete their degree. If school is more important to her than becoming pregnant then it should be enough of a reason to try birth control.

    My recommendation would be if you are going to have sex then be prepared that she may become pregnant and be prepared to accept the responsibility that comes with it. You cannot force her to go onto birth control and not using a condom with no back up method it quite risky especially if you are worried about a pregnancy. This leaves you with three choices: accept the responsibility that may result from having sex with her, since she is not willing to go on birth control end the relationship to find someone else, or continue as you have been. In any event you will have to accept the consequences of your decision.
     
  15. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    Yes, thank you! Honestly, if she or you thinks she "looks like a pregnant" woman,(which, btw, wtf?) or is putting on weight, the pregnancy hormone will definitely show up on any test. That stuff doesn't happen immediately.


    Again: Yes, this. The idea of not using some form of birth control because you don't like hormones is really irresponsible. There's many alternative ways to protect yourselves from pregnancy.
     
  16. Nuggets

    Nuggets New Member

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    Yeah I was wondering the same about "looks like a pregnant woman." Like I said, I don't think she looks much different this year than last year, but if anything, she may have gotten a little chubby from all of the bad food she eats constantly. I don't know how to bring that up to her and suggest that to her in a non-offensive way though. I still think she's beautiful, anyway.

    So about that stuff not happening immediately - she hasn't missed any periods before this, nothing else weird has happened with her aside from her normal weird vagina stuff, etc. So I don't think she could've gotten pregnant from a long time ago, and I really don't think she is now, but I have no idea. Her period still hasn't happened yet as of thsi afternoon.

    HOWEVER, I just found out that she used to have even more irregular periods. She said it used to skip months when she was younger, but that hasn't happened in a long time. Hmm.
     
  17. cbrmale

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    I have advised my teenage children TO NOT RELY ON CONDOMS FOR BIRTH CONTROL. In my younger days, we never would have done such a thing, as the failure rate in average use is quite high. My parent's marriage predated the pill, and they relied on condoms plus withdrawl, as did many couples of that era. There was no way my parent's would have relied on condoms alone for birth control.

    The easiest form of birth control is the pill, used normally it has a very low rate of failure and it also reduces the risk of breast cancer later in life (there are good reasons why this is so).

    Another extremely reliable option is the IUD, which is close to 100% reliable and not subject to operator error.
     
  18. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

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    That's for the best. I think too many kids see condoms as a miracle cure, which they're not, even though they're the only form of birth control that helps prevent std's. I think most attempts at sex education make them such a central point just to keep the message simple i.e. 'always wear a condom'.

    Plus most people don't know how to use them properly, not just how to put them on without damaging them or so they don't keep slipping off, but that you should use a spermicide with them.

    I was lucky when I was school I got an excellent sex education (thinking about how I just phrased that it sounds quite naughty) which they later toned due to parents thinking it too graphic for their offspring. As well as all the different forms of sex prevention, we were told about the different alternatives to penetrative sex.

    But I think your best defence against pregnancy and std's is your attitude towards sex. When it was obvious my hormones were starting to crazy my mother took me to the doctor I got a check up and arranged it so I could go on the pill whenever I wanted without needing further permission. Also cause they didn't want me ending up shagging outside a nightclub they told me that I could bring lads up to my room, but that also I shouldn't do anything that I was going to be ashamed off later. Doing this just took all the pressure out of having sex and it was another year after I had left home before i eventually lost my virginity.

    Anyway to relate this to the original post, I was 15 when I started planning when to have sex, where/when/how , should I, and sorting myself out so there wouldn't be any unwanted reprecussions, I've known a 16 year old mum (no thanks). So if I who lacked the education to go to university could figure it out how come nuggets gf is struggling with the concept. She shouldn't need her bf to have to figure out her irregular periods and her birth control.

    I'm sorry If I'm sounding all negative but rather than trying to be sooth and encourage her.
    Maybe you'd be better off telling her straight up to get a grip of her life. You're worrying about her reproductive health but a lot of guys wouldn't. It's only going to end in tears for her in the long run.
     
    #18 sarah_rslp, Mar 7, 2008
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2008
  19. Nuggets

    Nuggets New Member

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    Following up

    We're back together now. I got her two different pregnancy test kits last night with two tests in each of them - I got an EPT and a Clearblue? or something. Both came up saying that she's not pregnant. We made really damn sure that we did the tests the right way, and both tests indicated that we didn't do anything wrong. However, she still hasn't gotten her period, and it is well late by now. Although I have read up on women's periods and why they can be late or missed and not be pregnant - I think my SO matches about 95% of those symptoms of why a period could be late or missed. Let's just say she's kind of edgy. :eek:

    In any case - thoughts? Maybe thoughts on what to do next? I think we're going to wait a couple of days then try one more test, and then a doctor perhaps for a blood test just to make sure? I'm pretty sure that those tests are very accurate and I really don't know HOW she could've gotten pregnant. We don't do the deed without a condom, and we've never had one break. We've been paranoid a few times and I find myself messing with the condom for an hour after we're done, filling it with water, seeing if I can squeeze it and if anything will come out anywhere, etc.
     
  20. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    Yes - she should go to the doctor. They can run blood tests to check for pregnancy, and if she is still negative they can figure out why her periods are so late and what she can do about that.