[Ask a Guy] Should I give up or keep going?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by darkada, Oct 21, 2010.

  1. darkada

    darkada New Member

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    So my girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year, and within maybe the first couple of months we started to slowly get more and more sexual. The greatest extent we've gone to is basically male and female hand jobs(? I don't know what you would call that on a female). Obviously I want to have sex, I'm on a sex forum. She however doesn't and is absolutely sure she wants to wait until marriage, but when I ask her why she can't ever give a real reason. She's not religious in the least, and she's always talking dirty to me, asking for it hard and fast, but when I show up ready to give it to her she acts like I'm a pervert.

    The other day we did the same hand job thing, she went first. I performed the best I could, and I mean it was probably the best I had ever done. I could feel her muscles spasming all over, it turned me the hell on. Anyway, months ago she really enjoyed doing the same for me, but now all she wants is for me to hurry up and get there. I know it's not always easy, I can spend half an hour on her with a hand that has gone completely numb and then struggle to write an essay a few hours later with sore joints... but with her if I don't get there in 5 minutes she starts complaining about how long I take and how much her arm hurts and... well you get the picture. She just wants me to get there fast, whereas when I do it to her I try to make it an enjoyable experience for her. It's about the ride not just the destination.

    As I was saying, she doesn't want to engage in sex until marriage, but I've told her that I'm a poor college student trying to make it to medical school. I can't exactly go buy her the ring she wants (which she had me go to a diamond store with her just to make sure I knew which $5000 ring to buy) let alone get married any time soon. College sucks up so much time, and when I'm not studying or working out I'm with her. I've told her that I have sexual needs, as I know she does, and these sessions we have are basically simulations of what we really want. But, she's adamant about not having sex until marriage... which just gets me pissed because she teases me so much. All the time texting about how much she wants me inside her, or moaning in the car and acting like she wants it now....

    Today I took a stand, I said I was done with these bullshit temptations, and that if she wants sex, awesome, I'm there all the way go team yay. If not, don't fucking taunt me like a dog drooling over dangling steak. Well she freaked on me and asked why she wasn't good enough without sex, and that waiting until marriage will make our intimacy deeper than ever, and by not having sex we can prove to ourselves that we can get through anything together. That just irked me, so I said fine, no sex forever. Let's just abstain from sex entirely and that'll be that. She said fine... then she acted hurt all day until she needed my help later with her photography class.

    We went out for pizza tonight, and on the way in the car she kept "accidentally" letting fake moans out and then covering her mouth in shame and smiling. When we got to her place I explained that these hand jobs aren't happening anymore. She wasn't happy with that answer, as she was horny.

    I really really really don't think things will last with her. Should I pursue sex or should I just leave her? This is really open to anyone, guy or girl. I just have it posed to guys as I'm male and I want to hear a consensus.
     
  2. Meee

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    Hi. Welcome. Sorry, but I stopped at the five thousand dollar ring. I'm hearing more compatibility problems than just sex. Honestly, if a relationship is going well in other ways, a handjob can be heaven. Do you make or break a whole relationship because of PIV or not PIV? Of course not! Listen to yourself in your long post. Make a list of issues that need to be resolved. I think sex is only going to be one thing on a long list.
     
  3. darkada

    darkada New Member

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    Well sure, thats a good point. I'm not saying I don't enjoy the hand job, but she kinda pushes my thinking beyond that realm. We're both virgins, if that helps any. That list isn't a bad idea.
     
  4. Mittimer

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    Is pressuring her into sex really what you want to do?
    If she's continuously told you "no sex till marriage" regardless of how much she teases you or drives you nuts, no means no and you can't force her to do something she's not ready to do. Sex to you may not be what it is to her, obviously. Getting pissed at her for not wanting to have sex with you but wanting to partake in mutual masturbation if just wrong of you.

    Your relationship has many flaws, flaws that I can't see past. Never mind the expensive ring or her unwillingness to jack you off for as long as you see fit. The fact that you argue and fight with her because you aren't getting sex is just flat out bullshit. If sex means THAT much to you, then maybe you're with the wrong person.
     
  5. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    To be honest, I think sex is the least of your worries. Your relationship has aspects, mentioned by the M&M women (no offense meant, Meee and Mittimer, you are both cool) that indicate you are not in thes best of relationships. It seems you both are focused on different things - you on sex, her on getting married - which sends off big warning flags for me. Do the two of you have common goals and objectives? Are you both willing to help the other achieve these goals even if it emans sacrificing/delaying your individual goals?

    My assessment, only based on what you posted, is that perhaps you do need to consider backing off of the the relationship. The two of you do not seem to be on the same page, and until that improves you are likely due for continued conflict that getting married will not solve.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    Gee Mitt, hate men much today?

    Like Mee, I too stopped at the 5K ring. I can't believe she actually had the balls to pick out a ring that expensive for a guy to buy her that she's dated for a year in college. To me, talking about marriage at all at this stage is just nuts.

    Darkada, look, you are young, in college, and trying to deal with a cock tease of a g/f. I say, lose the chick, and focus on your studies. When I was your age, we just dated people, didn't get into "relationships" in college at all. (some did, but not many.)

    Why does everyone have to get so serious at such an early age now? It boggles my mind.



     
  7. Mittimer

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    How exactly did you gather I "Hated men" from my post?
     
  8. Barbwire

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    Cuz you jumped all over the OP. I guess it's not just men, it's him, then?

    The phrase, "jack you off as long as you see fit" struck a chord. The dude just wants to get off and his g/f is being a bitch about it, trying to rush him, yet, he spends a good deal of time getting her off.

    He's got a girl that's giving him mixed signals, she knows she's putting him through hell with her teasing, yet, she continues to do it. She seems to not care about his needs and just wants a big ring.

    Is it any wonder the poor guy is getting frustrated by the situation?

     
  9. Mittimer

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    Excuse me for not wording it properly. I wont change what I said, but no, it's not that I hate men OR the op.
    I pointed out issues she had but let's not look over that he's getting ANGRY and FIGHTING with her because she's not wanting to have sex with him.
    He's saying things to spite her, like the come back of "No sex forever". It's petty.

    It's not men, it's not women, it's the relationship. He's just showing his immaturity more so in his post she he got the shit end of the stick. If she came in telling us why she was teasing and being a bitch, I'd be the same to her.
     
  10. SWGirl

    SWGirl New Member

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    I'm sorry, and I know it's probably a bit early for me to post something harsh, but;

    She sounds like an immature, selfish, bitch that truly doesn't understand at all the nature of a healthy relationship. From what you've said, she sounds like she wants the most she can get out of the relationship while putting forth the least effort (moodswinging back when she needs school help from you is a pretty clear indicator). Even money says she's beautiful too, and is probably trying to get by on that over her obviously charming personality.

    I have to deal with people like this in my job all the time. They feel entitled to everything. They want what they want, and right when they want it. And more than that, they deserve it (right...). Please don't let this girl manipulate you into buying her a ring. Steve has a friend that had a girlfriend like this. She sucked him dry and miserable for 3 years before he proposed to her with a ring he couldn't afford. Never wanted to have sex (both virgins) or for him to have any fun. She ended up getting pissed at him everytime he spent time with us. He withdrew from all his friends and got very depressed.
    Know what happened? She found a rich boy who just graduated, had sex with him, moved out, and took her expensive engagement ring with her all in the same weekend. After picking up the pieces, he ended up being amazed that there were fine, decent women out there who love to please their man and enjoy giving support as much as receiving it.

    Your relationship is extremely unhealthy. If you explained it a bit further, my opinion is that we'd see it was actually Broken. My advise is to leave this girl and find a new one. Stop wasting your time. You're young, enthusiastic, motivated, and assertive. Do the right thing and stop wasting your life being sucked dry.

    I'm sorry if this was harsh, but its kind of personal to me. I've seen too many people hurt by this kind of individual. None of them have ever benefited from being with or interacting with them. Get out.
     
  11. SteveWaste

    SteveWaste New Member

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    Babe, she screwed 2 different guys that weekend and took a shitload of his stuff with her. But it's okay. He's much better off without her, even if it cost him a box of DVD's and his tv.

    To me, it sounds like you're on the fence about staying or leaving. "Should I give up or keep going?" My advise? Listen to EVERYONE else on here and don't just "give up"; take a stand and walk out. In fact, don't walk; Strut. You don't deserve to sacrifice your happiness to make a bad relationship work for someone else.

    You want to know something else? There are 28 girls I want you to meet. They all live in your town. They are strong, sexy, smart, hard-working, they smell nice, and they're more mature than you are. They'll keep you on track and help you grow as a person. You'll fall in love and never want to leave. Only problem is that you haven't met them yet. Drop that load you've been carrying on your shoulders and RUN out to find them.

    ~Steve
     
  12. justintime

    justintime New Member

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    Life is too short. I'd head for the hills.
     
  13. luckyduck

    luckyduck New Member

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    I would move on bro. You are too young to get married or worry about getting married. You should be experiencing life and all it has to offer, women and all. Trust me, there are plenty of fish in the sea.