Should i divorce?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by unuttum, Mar 23, 2007.

  1. unuttum

    unuttum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Istanbul
    hi everybody,

    i have one problem and i need some advice. I am married more than 2 years. And we have relation more than 6 years. There is only one problem in our marrige life, it is SEX. She is lazy and our sex life going very monoton. I dont want cheat her, but it is heart me. I am also 29 years old and i want have more experience. I talked her a lot of times with her, i dont hope anymore. I think i have two choice for me, CHEAT or DIVORCE.

    and my question is that, Is "sexual problem" enough cause for divorcing?
     
  2. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2006
    Messages:
    4,108
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Illinois
    If the sex problem effects your happiness..... yes. (IN MY OPINION). Have you talked to her about the two options? Perhaps it is also what she wants/needs.
     
  3. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    4,740
    Likes Received:
    7
    Putting the sexual part to one side for a moment
    Do you love her ?
    does she love you ?
    If it is a yes to both, then perhaps a relationship counciler or something could help, and also a therapist.
    Im just meaning if you both love each toher , then work through the problems, its very rae that any relationship probelm is ever just one sided.
     
  4. unuttum

    unuttum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Istanbul
    I am not sure that am i love her. And my last point that i came i dont care with her. And i dont jelous her anymore. My mind is confused. But the other side i dont want sad her.

    Sometimes i thinking myself and say i wish not married.
     
  5. unuttum

    unuttum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Istanbul
    Yes i talked, she says we can be divorce if you want. But she crying while says that. I feel she love me, or she need me. And even she want divorce she is accept. But we haven't decision yet.
     
  6. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2006
    Messages:
    4,108
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Illinois
    Well, crying over the thought of divorce and it being the wrong choice are not the same. The thought of divorce makes most anyone who entered marriage with loving intentions tearful. It's okay to be sad about losing something. The question is, when the heart heals, is it the best choice for you (first) AND for her. But the "for her" part has to be her decision. If it's not what she wants and needs, she has to be able to say that. Not asking you to leave cannot be interpreted as asking you to leave. It might mean you're the strong one..... know what I mean?
     
  7. unuttum

    unuttum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Istanbul
    I think i understant what you mean.
    We can feel painfull at the begining, its normal. But important is, How can i be sure what is the best choice for me and her. I am always asking one question to myself, will i be happy without good sex life. I dont ask another question. Maybe i should ask another questions too. I am only looking sex side. Finally, I am waiting for her change but my power has finished. I am so sorry nowadays...
     
  8. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2006
    Messages:
    4,108
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Illinois
    Your sorrow probably makes her sorry as well, which means neither of you is happy. What would have to change in your relationship for you to be happy? What is HER answer to that very same question? But when you ask that question, you have to be ready for the answers, cuz that is THE hardest question to answer, and it's painful to consider and ponder, no matter the outcome.
     
  9. unuttum

    unuttum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Istanbul
    I am reading a lot of person's sex life here. I am thinking same much person which here. But she never intersting with sex and she dont like person here. She dont look for new things. And i think she can not change more...

    actually i know her answer, but i will ask last time again. And we will see what happen.
     
  10. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2006
    Messages:
    4,108
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Illinois
    What is her answer then, per your prediction, please?
     
  11. unuttum

    unuttum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Istanbul
    She will say "i can not change anymore". and "You accept me like this style or divorce". And later i will have to make decision myself. And it will trouble me.
     
  12. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2006
    Messages:
    4,108
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Illinois
    BUT.... then you know that she is the way she is, and unwilling to bend more than she has..... so then you must decide what you need in order to be happy.
     
  13. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    Compromize and trust make up a relationship. If she or you cannot do one of those things, or are unwilling to, then I think the marriage part is really already over, and has been for awhile. If the love is lost in your partnership, what is there? If you aren't happy, and she is not happy, you might both be happy with the change in the long run.
     
  14. eighthalf

    eighthalf Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2007
    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    See if you can find out what her fantasies are.
    Maybe she has some inner disires and unless you get her to talk about sex, then you might not get anysex.
     
  15. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2006
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Sexual problems in a marriage are the result of a breakdown in communication. Cheating will not solve it and neither will divorce. The third option you do have is to talk to her about your feelings and you maybe suprised she feels the same. At least you have started talking and beginning to solve a problem, instead of making one.
     
  16. unuttum

    unuttum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Istanbul
    Thank to everbody, acutally i feel better and more stronge after i read your answers. But still i dont know what should i do. I will wait for awhile. And i will share with you what happenings in my life.

    Thanks again...
     
  17. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    I have been in this place, I was not happy with our sex life and my wife refused to change. It wasn't lack of communication (if only life was that simple), she just couldn't get her head around the pleasure potential of sex. We had counselling, we talked a lot, I cheated... In the end she guessed I was seeing someone, and she opened herself up to listen for once. THIS IS A DANGEROUS WAY TO DEAL WITH A PROBLEM.

    So we stumbled on the source of her issues, a religious guilt complex about sex. With the aid of some marital videos, she was able to view more adventurous sex, and that helped her become adventurous herself.

    I do appreciate your problem, what do you do when your partner digs their heels in and refuses to move? Communication becomes one person asking as best they can, and the other refusing. I hope it works out for you, but for me it was really hard for a few years.
     
  18. SexyScorp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,778
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    ireland
    I have gone through two....divorces that is...

    I have got down on my knees and thanked life for divorce at times....

    We all make wrong choices in life and thankfully I had no children with those two guys....i wouldnt be so quick to do it now I am a mother though...
     
  19. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2007
    Messages:
    933
    Likes Received:
    0
    When did you stop having sex? Or enjoying sex? Do you have children?
    Do not cheat on her... thats the worse thing you can ever do to a women in my opinion.
    Maybe she'll consent to you having sex with someone else. Ask her.
     
  20. unuttum

    unuttum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Istanbul
    We dont stop have sex, only i am not pleasure our sex life. We dont have children too.