Shit thread

Discussion in 'Games and Jokes' started by HotForHoney, Apr 9, 2014.

  1. HotForHoney

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    As requested, here is a thread if anyone wants to talk about shit.

    I'll start:

    Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation.
    Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep &. Schitt Inc.
    In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
    Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
    Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
    Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.
    Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding.
    The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Piza Schitt.
    So now if someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them. Not only do you know Jack, you know his whole family.
     
  2. HotForHoney

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    Here are some different types if poop:

    [​IMG]
    The Different Types Of Poop
    Ghost Poop ~~ You know you've pooped. There's poop on the toilet paper, but no poop in the bowl.
    Teflon Coated Poop ~~ Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of poop on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it!

    Gooey Poop ~~ This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This poop leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

    Second Thought Poop ~~ You're all done wiping your butt and you're about to stand up when you realize it...you've got some more.

    Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poop ~~ This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

    Bali Belly Poop ~~ You poop so much you lose 5 kilos.

    Right Now Poop ~~ You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

    King Kong or Commode Choker Poop ~~ This poop is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poop usually happens at someone else's house.

    Wet Cheeks Poop ~~ This poop hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your butt wet.

    Wish Poop ~~ You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poop!

    Cement Block or Oh God Poop ~~ You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

    Snake Poop ~~ This poop is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

    Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) ~~ Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's house.

    Mexican Food Poop (also called Screamers) ~ You'll know it's alright to eat again when your butthole stops burning.

    Beer Drunk Poop ~~ This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poop doesn't smell too bad, but this poop is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of poop also usually happens at someone else's house.

    The Frightened Turtle ~~ The kind of poop that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.

    The Bungee Poop ~~ The kind of poop that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water.

    The Ring of Fire Poop ~~ The kind of poop where you eat really spicy food and your butthole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

    The Crippler ~~ The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

    The Big Bobber ~~ The kind of poop that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

    The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ~~ The kind of poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

    The Incredible Hulk Poop ~~ The king of poop that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

    Jack the Ripper Poop ~~ The kind of poop that yanks out your butthair as it pushes its way out.

    The Party Pooper ~~ The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

    The Toxic Gas Poop ~~ The kind of poop that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

    Dirty Bowl Poop ~~ The kind of poop that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

    The Windy City Poop ~~ When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a poop.

    Oh Poop! Poop ~~ You poop so much and wipe your butt so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH ****!

    The Never Ending Poop ~~ It's the poop that keeps running out of your butt like pee, and just when you start wiping your butt your stomach gargles and splash, more poop runs out. This always happens after eating at K.F.C.
     
  3. CaramelLady

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    LMAO!!!!!!
     
  4. CaramelLady

    Guest

    More on the Schitt family... long lost cousins:

    Idontgiva Schitt - no one knows what happened to him after NoeOne Gava Schitt left him

    Up Schitt who married into the Creek-Withouta Paddle family.. stuck up bitch too. So she became known as stuck Up Schitt Creek-Withouta Paddle..

    ,
     
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  5. HotForHoney

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    What do you call "poop"?

    My son and I call it "code brown".
     
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  6. CaramelLady

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    In my family it has been called various names...

    I gotta go make a rock

    I need to be let out

    Number tw0

    Logs

    Dumps

    Crap

    Brownies

    Hockey

    Solids

    Damn..., I think my family spent way to much time worrying about Shit. LOL
     
  7. JonJo

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    There is one missing, which although not directly shit is maybe in the same category:

    Humo(u)r Constipation: This can cause shit to be issued from the mouth.
     
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  8. HotForHoney

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    Exh used to tell his friend he "had to drop the kids off at school". Finally I asked him wtf are you talking about (we didn't have children)!!!
     
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  9. JonJo

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    Oh the 'puritanical' Americans with their many euphemisms for the basic things of life.
    What happened to the quite acceptable "going to the toilet" or even "going to the lavatory"; OK the blunt Yorkshire "going for a shit", or its alternative "going for a crap" might be too much for most of society.
    Crap came from Thomas Crapper who invented the flushing lavatory - that's no joke.
     
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  10. CaramelLady

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    That is hilarious!
     
  11. CaramelLady

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    Don't short change us Yanks. We know about Mr. Crapper... that is why the loo is called the crapper!
     
  12. CaramelLady

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    Talkin' Shit!
     
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  13. HotForHoney

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    What about the mason company..... Shit & Bricks?
     
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  14. ginger

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    this thread is full of shit :D
     
  15. lbushwalker

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    Gotta lay a brick or strangle the boss ;)
     
    #15 lbushwalker, Apr 13, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2014
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  16. lbushwalker

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    It is usually guys that talk crap but you ladies really know your shit.
     
  17. lbushwalker

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    Anybody scored some good shit lately?
    Shit hit the fan at work the other day; I tell you....shit was flying!
    Ah well...........who gives a shit anyway?
    For shit sake; what a pile of shit all all was!!!!
    Shit a brick, is that the time already?
    Holly Shit, got to get my shit together!
    Ok, ok.....no need to get shitty now ;)
     
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  18. luvbug

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    Y'all are so full of SHIT!! Lol


    ( don't get mad.... Just playing)
     
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  19. Mikey22

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    Why is it so fun to talk about poop?
     
  20. CaramelLady

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    You don't know shit from shinola!
     
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