Shes a virgin I'm far from

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by NoCo, Nov 23, 2010.

  1. NoCo

    NoCo New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2010
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Colorado
    I've been in a relationship for the past few months. There is a slight issue however. I'm 22 and have been sexually active for eight years. I've had numerous sexual partners, and had several relationships where sex was a daily occurence. The girl I have been seeing is amazing, everything I've always wanted (intelligent, educated, funny, caring, beautiful, you name it!). The problem is a compound of a few different things. First, I'm the first person she has ever been in a relationship with (very sheltered life). This has made things slightly awkward for me, although manageable. The big problem is that she is a virgin.

    Her being a virgin doesn't bother me, how I should approach the issue is. I've never been with a virgin. I'm worried that at this point in our relationship we will soon be approaching the point of sexual activity. This doesn't bother her, however it bothers me. I'm worried that her first time will possibly be painful, or just unenjoyable. I'm afraid this will turn her away from the relationship. She has insinuated that she is ready for sex, although I don't want to ruin things.

    I'm worried to even speak to her about this because I don't want to come across like "Hey I'm worried about things and it's your fault for being a virgin", there just doesn't seem like a good way to approach her about this. She knows I have been sexually active. I have given her an idea of how many partners I've had, how often I've been intimate but left out the details; sexual fetishes I've engaged in and enjoy that I'm worried might bother her, the fact that I've engaged in threesomes, etc...

    Should I talk to her, if so how? Should I really be worried about this effecting our relationship?

    Also for the female members, what could have made your first time better, any advice?

    Anyone?
     
  2. LuckyLuke

    LuckyLuke New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2010
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    My honest advice would be: don't worry! I know it's easier said than done! Also, don't pressurize her, but from your story I gather you're doing nothing of the sort. Actually, it sounds like you love this girl, in which case I'm sure if and when your first sexual encounter happens, everything will be fine. Sex is not a science, it's about love and lust and if you both share this, then how can you disappoint her or make it a bad experience? I also don't believe that a partner's sexual past should have any influence on a present relationship. You are both starting from scratch with each other, so in that sense you are both virgins, getting to know each other physically for the first time. Maybe it will help if you look at it from that point of view. Still there is nothing wrong with sharing your feelings and I'm sure she will understand and even appreciate you sharing them with her. And then you can decide together if and when and how it's going to happen and what would make it comfortable for both of you. All the best!
     
  3. Alwayslearningsex

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2010
    Messages:
    2,249
    Likes Received:
    789
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    Approach her with care, respect, consideration, and discussion.
    I would also suggest getting into sex without intercourse in the beginning.
    You may end up taking matters into your own hands a few times if you care (Pun intended and not intended) about her so patiencebut determination are key.
    I met my wife a virgin back then (left her later on) and we talked about it,
    couldn't wait to graduate from talking but waited. Things started with touching, caressing, she gave me handjobs and I returned the favor.
    It was not after we started intercourse she got brave enough to give me oral (never finished it then). Be ready to use a condom for her though.
    On that note, my first BJs was with a condom and yes I love it anyway.
    Make sure you are aware of your deal breakers and see if things can change. No need to give details here.
     
  4. Alwayslearningsex

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2010
    Messages:
    2,249
    Likes Received:
    789
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    I finished reading your original post.
    I would be careful how I say things, also I recommend a thinking alignment in how she is. While living a sheltered life sucks, I would discard the notion there is something wrong with her for being a virgin. There are many still a virgin out of shyness, afraid of how they can be perceived, being late bloomers, you name it.
    Some catch up real fast, some take longer, be ready to negociate or compromise at times but let her know kindly where you would like things to be some day. If you go real serious and for the long run with this girl expect some problems from her family even if they accept you, the fact being they always had input with her life and outlook. That's my opinion from experience and someone had even given me a heads up on it before I had become seriously serious with someone.
    This is your life and experience, be good with her but not "too good",
    look for red flags and decide what you want and don't want in your personal affairs.
     
  5. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,965
    Likes Received:
    5,078
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    At the risk of sounding flippant; virginity is a curable condition.
    If she loves you deeply and you her then when the time is right both of you will share that spiritual moment and your fears will be allayed.
    That does not mean to say that there won't be some awkwardness or difficulty but nothing insurmountable.
    Approach it as a wholly fresh experience enriched by but not compared to those of the past.
     
  6. CruelTease

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2010
    Messages:
    448
    Likes Received:
    168
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    UK
    You sound like a very caring and considerate man. That's exactly what I'd be looking for if I had my virginity to lose again ;)