she never wants sex

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by ngallardo, Oct 21, 2010.

  1. ngallardo

    ngallardo New Member

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    weve been together almost 2 years at first we did it all the time but now it happens once a month if im lucky. id do it 3 times a day if i could so obviously i feel like my needs arent being met in that aspect, i havnt cheated on her but cheated on girls in the past because my sex drive is higher than theirs. how do i go about trying to fix this

    more info: she never makes sexual advances anymore, if i do, she usually says she doesnt feel good or is stressed out, she always wants the same exact position and talking to her usually leads to an argument because she gets irritated for whatever reason.
     
    #1 ngallardo, Oct 21, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2010
  2. Ready2Please

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    Have you tried talking to her? Letting her know how you feel?
     
  3. SWGirl

    SWGirl New Member

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    I'm sure plenty of people would love to help, but your description of the problem is very vague and we don't know her as well as you do. Could you tell us anything else that may be helpful to know?
     
  4. ngallardo

    ngallardo New Member

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    yea she didnt say much other than she is stressed alot :eyes
     
  5. fothermucker

    fothermucker New Member

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    Communication is key to every aspect of every relationship. Stress will really inhibit a womans sex drive as well. I would say try talking to her to find out what she is stressed out over. If you can do something to help take her mind off what is stressing her, or put her mind at ease, you will likely see her sex drive return.
     
  6. heelfetish

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    Lack of sex drive is likely a symptom of her high stress levels. Reduce her stress and reap the rewards.

    Of course, that's assuming you aren't the one stressing her out.
     
  7. xbearkatx

    xbearkatx New Member

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    excatly the same as me ive been with my bf just over a year weve lived together 7month we used to have sex all the time like 20 times a day or more he has a really big sex drive now we hardly ever have sex when i want it hell just turn away from me and say aww ill do this first then we will and then we dnt it upsets me tbh :|
     
  8. Atlantico

    Atlantico New Member

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    ngallardo:

    I have a similar experience as you. Communication is not possible also, she gets pretty defensive, and an argument follows. After many years of thinking hard about the subject, and collecting all the possible data bits I could get, like her behavior, I came to the terrible conclusion that my partner may not be sexually attracted to me any more, if she ever was. Yeah, not a nice conclusion. Am I 100% sure about this? No, probably never will be. She won´t be the one to tell me right? I am left alone with this endeavor of figuring out what the hell is going on. Either that or leaving.

    The reason why your Gf is not communicating with you her feelings about this sex incompatibility MAY BE because she doesn´t have good news, and whatever she could tell you might be devastating to your relationship.

    But, of course I can be wrong in both instances!!
     
  9. HardRocker

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    For the guys in this thread, if you're living together with your woman, the sexiest thing you can do in a lot of these situations is to take a big load of the domestic chores off of her.

    We men frequently overestimate how helpful we really are around the house. For example taking care of the cars, roof, etc. don't balance the load. And that really goes to the core of the women's emotional wellbeing and how she sees you. If she feels you are taking advantage of her taking on too much of the load, she may not tell you. Don't ask me why, but I have both witnessed and experienced it.

    And you can't just do it for a month and ease off, just learn to like it (especially if your sex lives come back to life). You'll become a whole lot more attractive to her. Just doing things that need to be done as you notice them was always easier for us than dividing and assigning chores. That could be the source of more tension.


    Of course if you're already superhusbands\boyfriends, I'm totally off base here and I apologize if I have insulted your sensibilities.
     
    #9 HardRocker, Oct 21, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2010
  10. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    ngallardo.....this is by NO MEANS a simple matter to solve. Every single one of these issues "she doesn't have sex with me anymore" is a completely new animal in and of itself. If we have ANY hope of helping you, your going to have to spill every detail of your relationship (past and present) that might have the slightest bearing on the current situation.

    I know, cuz I have a very similar thread going on here right now....lol.

    There are a great number of caring, intelligent, insightful people here that go way out of their way to help folks with their issues. But to enable that tidal wave of help to come ashore, ya have to give up the info-----all of it. That one thing that you choose to leave out could very well be the detail that someone needs, in order to point you in the right direction.

    Good luck.
     
  11. Barbwire

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    Holy shit! It's a wonder your vagina didn't fall out.

    Oh, and you posted this in your intro.


    "we have vids & pics for sale also do cam shows we have extreme vids/ we do camshows, extreme fetish vids, Pics allsorts and we do video requests"



    You just posted that a little while ago. So, what gives?
     
    #11 Barbwire, Oct 21, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2010
  12. xbearkatx

    xbearkatx New Member

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    suprisingly im still uite tight it just doesnt stretch, yeah i know we have made vids and obvs do camshows for money but i meen like when were not he doesnt want to have sex with me like when were in bed and when i do want to he just pushes me away unless of course were getting paid to do it and that i dont count as sex well it is sx but theres no feelings there
    i just think hes went off me tbh
     
  13. HardRocker

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    Could it be that he's just spent after the paid performances? Maybe he needs a break from the paid stuff to rejuvenate. It does take men longer to build it back up.
     
  14. xbearkatx

    xbearkatx New Member

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    yeah but weve hardly been doing the cam stuff recently and its been months since he said he wanted sex except from when hes drunk
    it makes me feel bad about myself tbh because ive put uite alot of weight on recently maybes thats it
     
  15. HardRocker

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    Well, women are famous for turning the fault onto themselves when it's not actually the problem. So make sure you don't fall into that depressing trap, and you can work on the weight. Is his drinking increasing. That's a libido killer. When drunk, he might want to fuck, but when he's sober is when the low libido will be evident.
     
  16. cbrmale

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    This is a very common complaint from men about their female partners, both on this forum and elsewhere on line, and also with a clinical psychologist who I know as a friend. What we need to remember is that we are a product of evolution than stretches back almost 200,000 years, the last 3,000 of which we could classify humans as being civilised. Prior to that, the term used is 'primitive'.

    The two to three year sexual attraction cycle has been researched, and further research is currently underway of female testosterone levels, as it's been observed that these levels fall at the two to three year point of a new relationship. It's theorised that the 2 to 3 year sexual attraction cycle is enough time to attract a man, fall pregnant, and then stay together to give birth. And then this man has done his work, and the woman then seeks another man, because it's a better chance for her offspring if she gets different genes for each child. But this is only a theory and can't be proven in absolute terms, but it seems to have merit.

    Other observations have been made, such as women who have partners who are more highly educated and earn much more money will stay sexually attracted to those men for much longer. Additionally, and this is where my testosterone research comes in, this 2 to 3 year waning of sexual attraction seems to be most pronounced in Western society, and some societies have no waning of sexual attraction or sexual activity over time. So the testosterone research is being done in various parts of the world.

    So the answers here of communicating with her, helping her out, she's stressed, may not mean much, and it may just be one of those things which many men are doomed to suffer.
     
  17. pyr

    pyr New Member

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    I'm really sorry to know you're going through this.

    A few questions may perhaps lead you in the right way to solve the problem (if it has a solution).

    Is she a Mom now? It that's the case, she may just be too tired. You could help her more, take the load off her shoulders. But if you do so, don't expect immediate results. She'll need some time to get over the exhaustion and a possible feeling of resentment (because you weren't helping enough before).

    Did she put weigh on? We, women, may feel self-conscious of our bodies and avoid our partners, because we don't wanna be naked in front of them.
    If so, just telling her she's OK (for you) won't solve it. Try having sex with the lights off, with clothes (you could give her a beautiful nightgown that is sexy, but that covers the tummy, for instance). During intercourse, NEVER touch her "problem" areas. She would retract.

    Did you guys move, or did she change work? These things are known to be the most stressful things that can happen to us. If that's the case, give her some time to relax again. Support is paramount.

    Did you put on weigh? Perhaps something in your appearance is putting her off. A goatee? A beard? A big belly? If that's the case, it's sad she's so affected by your appearance. We all hope our partners will love and want us any way we look. I don't know what to advise in this case.

    Does she love you? If the love is gone, the relationship is over. I'm crossing my fingers she loves you.

    Did you do something that's hurt her feelings? We, women, are very resentful. Not all of us, but some. Perhaps you made a comment she didn't like, months ago, and she's still disgusted about it. If she's hurt, don't go about it apologizing. You'll have to prove you really regret what you've done. It could even be you've tried something in bed that made her believe you weren't happy with what you were getting and it has putt her off. Like "he's asking too much of me".

    Does she think you're having an affair? Same as above.

    Did you satisfy her sexually in the past? I'm a very horny woman, very sexual, but my partner's really not satisfying me. After 15 (about) years of that, I'm losing interest on him, just because it's painful (psychologically).
    Don't think the fact she has orgasms with you is prove enough you satisfy her. Push her beyond orgasms when you have sex. Are you having the same (boring) things for two years? Same positions, etc? Make sure you're giving her REAL orgasms (some women fake it, just to get rid of the man as soon as possible). You can see how it is when she has an orgasm, by giving her a few ones with your hands (direct clit stimulation). Pay attention to her body. How it smells, how it moves, how her muscles tense, relax, etc.

    After this G-spot craze, men think all women have it. Give her long, satisfying clit orgasms. Make it about her.

    Give her a bit of romance, make her feel like a woman, desired. Some men think the fact they're looking for sex with their women is enough to show them (the women) they want them, they desire them. But we're more complicated than that.

    Sex alone, for many women, without context, is like the man going to the toilet to pee. You aren't in love with a particular in toilet. You just need to pee. Some women may feel like a toilet. He needs to jerk off, and I'm the instrument. That's all.

    Perhaps you've made her feel like this, and now you need to work on her confidence, show you desire her. Not by the sex, but by how far you're willing to go to excite her.

    (I have tears in my eyes, because I'm a woman who's feeling like a toilet, right now.)

    _______________
    It can also be she's not that interested on sex. Many women aren't. She had a lot of sex with you at the beginning, because women do this kind of thing to get love, to get a partner. It's even unconscious, sometimes.

    And now, taking you for granted, she's being herself. Perhaps she really only wants sex once a week. It's like dressing very nicely to get a man, but once you've got him, you just let go.
    ____________________

    None of my comments were meant to hurt you. I'm really trying to help.