She has Herpes, what now?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by sexymed49, Nov 2, 2014.

  1. sexymed49

    sexymed49 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2014
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    I met a beautiful woman on an online dating website a couple days ago and since then we have been texting back and forth and even made a date for next weekend. We really hit it off and she told me that I sounded like a really great guy with a good head on my shoulders, she then said that since she really wanted to get to know me better, she had something to tell me. She told me that she had contracted herpes, not from being promiscuous but from a guy that she had been in a relationship with several years back when he hid it from her that he had it. She said that she wanted to be totally up front with me and I could decide if I wanted to continue to get to know her or not and that she understood if I didn't. I really admire her for telling me even though you could tell that she was really embarrassed doing so. I had to admit to her that I was ignorant about herpes and she told me to ask her anything about it and she was very forthcoming with her answers. I would just like to know if there are those that are dating, married, or in a relationship with someone who has herpes and how do they deal with it. I am big on giving oral, is that still something I can do if she is not actively infected, do you always have to use a condom to avoid catching it or just during an outbreak. I wouldn't want to let a good person get away if it is something we can get around without me catching it. Please respond if you can give me some answers.
     
  2. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    My husband and I both have oral herpes (we have hsv2 the type that usually causes genital herpes) and have never passed it to each other's genitals. I do not take meds unless I have a bad breakout which only happens a few times a year. We still do oral just not when we have active breakouts and for two weeks after a breakout has healed. We have also used flavored condoms on him sometimes as well if I have had a breakout recently.
     
  3. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,965
    Likes Received:
    5,075
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    It is not the end of the world if you get it but best to avoid doing so because it is for life.
    Anyone can get it from another sexual partner who has contracted it from another that is just the way of things.
    In your place I would inform myself as much as possible on this issue; research sexual health sites, get the true information then make you decision using those facts rather than what you might read here.
     
  4. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    Once you have herpes you cannot be reinfected on another part of your body with the same strain. So, a person with HSV2 on the lips cannot catch HSV2 on their genitals. It is unusual though for HSV2 on the lips to re-occur.

    In Australia about 90% of adults have HSV1 and about 60% of adults have HSV2, and similar percentages apply in the US. The majority of adults with either strain show no symptoms, but they do have it and can be contagious. Therefore I don't believe there is little or no risk in having a relationship with this woman, and the OP statistically has at least one if not both herpes strains already.

    The assumption should be with a new partner that they have herpes already. Statistically this is almost certain.
     
  5. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    10_3XL likes this.
  6. Devostator

    Devostator New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2014
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    If you like her, date her but please be very careful and yes, avoid intimacy when the breakouts are active
     
  7. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,965
    Likes Received:
    5,075
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    Repeated in case this advice was not noticed first time around!
     
  8. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    When I worked in pathology from 2009 to 2013 I worked on STI research for the Territory government, although herpes is not classified as an STI. But I do know what it's about because it was my job, and once infected you can't be re-infected, and the percentages are as I quoted, especially for HSV1 or more commonly known as cold sores.

    The statistic percentages on the linked site are inaccurate, or actually out of date. Also the method of transmission for HSV2 is inaccurate, because you can get HSV2 by kissing someone who has acquired the virus through oral sex, or if that person kissed someone else who acquired the virus through oral sex (it sometimes goes back many levels).

    The CDC site is inaccurate in one further area. The pathology test for herpes is inaccurate and cannot be relied upon to give an accurate result (Being in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who has been tested and has negative STD test results). The only way to accurately test if someone has herpes is to swab a lesion. This is why the statistic percentages have been revised upwards for HSV2 from about 20% to about 60%, because the test for herpes gives two out of three false negatives. This was realised about 10 years ago in Australia and probably the US, so the CDC stats are 10 or more years old.
     
    Doitagain likes this.
  9. 10_3XL

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    8,236
    Likes Received:
    9,546
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Idaho, USA
    OR...
    It doesn't fucking matter about the CDC's info or experts or Australia or open lesions or whatever - use safe sex practices and common sense!!!
    I'll again give a nod to lbushwalker here --
    He said all that needs to be said.
     
    Doitagain and cbrmale like this.
  10. Philly Matt

    Philly Matt Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2014
    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Philly
    I would tell her " I'll call you "