Sexually frustrated in my relationship

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Nani L, Jan 5, 2016.

  1. Nani L

    Nani L New Member

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    My sexual life became something that I never imagined before. I've been always a girl with more than average sexual desires, to the point that in average, 1 out of 3 thoughts during a normal day were sexual. For the past two years my sexual life has decreased drastically. Is not that I don't have someone to fuck, it's actually that the person I chose to share my life with, doesn't share the same sexual desires I have. I'm not going to say she doesn't put an effort because she actually does, but I receive more rejection and sexual limits than sexuality from her. Chronically I began to become lazy for sex, or I don't even know how to call what has been happening to me. To make this more clear I will give examples, when everything began I was completely satisfied, we had regular sex with some role play and it was really exciting. Then with the time I began to ask for some dancing, some teasing, sexual games and toys, etc. and all of them were rejected. I was still ok you know, maybe she was too shy. The time kept passing, and nothing changed. Two years after, I found myself desperate, I desire her so much but trying to have sex with her has become so emotionally hurtful that I became "lazy" for it. Still, I have all this sexual energy inside that is driving me crazy, that is consuming me from the inside for have been holding it for so long. When we have sex I love it no matter how monotone it could be because I love her, but at the same time it just makes me feel more depressed and reminds me how miserable I feel with this situation. It has gotten to the point that I would rather evade having it, I choose now for masturbating since in my fantasies I can do and we can do anything my imagination has been craving for so long. I have tried everything so she can feel comfortable with me trying new things, and nothing has worked. Even when I ran out of ideas, I researched some more and still failed. Inside of me I have had vague thoughts of cheating, what if I would take all that sexual energy on someone else because this is dragging me and happily still in my relationship with our monotone sex. I know that sounded really bad, but I just love her so much that I don't want to leave her, but seriously this sexual frustration is getting worse with the time. It is so strong that gets me anxious, depressed, angry, desperate! Please give me an advice, I really don't know what to do anymore. My heart and my instinct are in completely two opposite directions.
    Thank you in advance!
     
  2. whybother

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    The answer is "communication" and "compromise"

    I understand that you have tried but you need to be clear with her that you are frustrated and that it makes you feel bad. You must avoid blaming her. You have to be very understanding that someone with low libido feels guilty and frustrated also but for that person sex is NOT the answer. You need to look at all aspects of your relationship. You need to fix everything else first, and then and only then can you improve the sex.
     
  3. Sagittarius84

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    1st it always amazes me the parallels that human relationships take. If no gendered pronouns were used this lesbian relationship sounds a lot like the typical heterosexual male experience in a relationship..to that end, i agree communication and comprimise are the usual answers...but always be aware that exerting sexual control is one of the oldest tricks in the book for low libido persons who have no intention on comprimising with their partners. She may very well be experiencing guilt and sadness, but she also may be projecting it unto you,having you feel bad about having a healthy sexual appetite. Always communicate, but be measured about the compromises you'll make. Because unless her lowered libido is a condition to be fixed, compromise will be either you getting less sex or her giving you sex that she doesn't want;a lose-lose situation if there ever was one.
     
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  4. Alwayslearningsex

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    Mmmmm, you need to talk openly about things if she is receptive ..... enough.
    I was so turned off with my ex I lost desire for sex ..... with her, and masturbated a great deal. She wanted sex and needed it so it hurt her, I was already rolling on the other side of the hill and picking up speed and it would not have come back.
    Talking about it was useless. I don't know if there is any similarity in your situation but in the end you need to talk openly, she needs to somehow understand changes are needed although she should not go all the way and be unhappy about it.
     
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  5. lbushwalker

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    Regardless of the gender issue this is a typical situation of love with unequal libidos.
    In the end it does not work and it took me 30 years not to realise but to admit and capitulate to the inevitable.
    We talked, she understood my long unmet needs, wished me all happiness and set me free.
    I am still married to her and there is no hate but all the love has gone too.
    It boils down to what you are willing to give up for love sake because all the talk of comprise is about one partner giving up on need if the other is just not willing and anyway if she does duty sex stinks!
    Mann L, I feel for you because you cannot bury your needs, only suffer them!
     
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  6. Alwayslearningsex

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    Got a good point there bush, sadly, and sorry about that for you.
     
  7. Candela

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    Maybe she has decided she isn't a lesbian anymore and is afraid to tell you,People do change and just because your frustrated,Have you ever thought maybe she is also?..Like most of these relationship questions,We are hearing only one side to the problem.Who knows! ,I'm going to be blunt but.....".Maybe she's not into you" Trust me I'm in no way trying to offend you and I wish you nothing but happiness xo