[Ask a Girl] Sexual value

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by Sagittarius84, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. Sagittarius84

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    So a fundamental point of contention between my gf and I revolves around our respective actual/surmised attractiveness to others and how it relates to how we treat each other. My gf does have her insecurities, but being that she's grew into a c cup by age 11, and is an attractive redhead, she's admittedly had no issue attracting male attention her whole life. I point this out to her during heated arguments, as she has a tendency to drop the relationship over bomb to get her way. She says its just an argument tactic, I've implied perhaps she only feels comfortable doing so because she subconsciously knows that even in her current stagnant condition, she knows there's guys waiting in the wings should I disappear.
    I, grew up a skinny nerd, and either I still am(as I feel), or im suffering from ugly duckling syndrome(as my gf claims). As such I have trouble acknowledging any attractiveness I may/may not possess, and this see it as a liability to my relationship/sexual value. Again the gf tries to convince me otherwise, but its hard to do when she's openly admittedly to having no physical attraction to a man she married and had a kid with(ex husband). Combine that with women in general not being exactly forthcoming with sexual or romantic interest, and I tend to doubt the attractiveness my gf swears I have.
    So I ask the ladies here; does your partners' relative attractiveness to you have some impact on the dynamics of your relationship?
     
  2. lbushwalker

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    Dude it's what is inside the box that counts and not the packaging!
    The fact that there are guys just waiting in the wings yet she is still with you should allay some of your own insecurities but keep this topic going with her and she may very well tire and move on.
     
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  3. teamster145

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    Sexy is an attitude and not a shape!!!
     
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  4. Ra1nb0wUnderwear

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    I agree that physical attraction is only part of the attraction equation. A physically perfect man can become ugly quickly when he starts talking. Similarly, a physically ugly man can become more than attractive if I'm attracted to his mind and personality. I've been with men who are conventionally attractive, and men who weren't. Bodies are nice to look at, but they don't usually turn me on unless I'm attracted to the person as well.

    Either way, I'm not sure this is exactly relevant to your question, but I'm going to go ahead and say it anyway..

    I actually prefer being with a man who is [in my mind] more physically attractive than me, or rather, how I view myself. It's petty and it's a confidence/insecurity thing. I'm generally confident (we all have our moments), but even so... It gives me the feeling that he finds me attractive for more than just my body. It lets me feel like I was a conscious choice and not just an available opportunity.

    Along the same vein, I don't prefer to be with a man that I don't find conventionally attractive. It makes me wonder if he's lacked attention from women in the past and is desperate for anything, so he decided to settle for me. Rationally, I know this isn't usually the case-- I know this is just feeding off insecurities that I may have.

    I'm saying this in the context of having a relationship with someone, not so much just casual hook up. To some extent, the opposite may be true with a casual hook up. I know there are men out there who figure women who aren't conventionally attractive are easy opportunities because they're desperate.. but that's not the context here.

    --

    Side note, you mention that in arguments she tells you she has no trouble finding male attention. To me, this sounds like a cry for attention from you. Not to meddle, but is it possible that she feels you aren't attentive in certain areas of life?
     
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  5. Sagittarius84

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    She doesn't tell me that during arguments lol. What she'll do is use the threat of ending the relationship as ammunition during fights. Despite the fact she's told me about her past, she acts like she doesn't get hit on or sought out on a daily basis.
     
  6. Gspyder

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    You don't have to be above average to deserve happiness. Also odds are you're really not that bad. There are more kinds of physical attractiveness than being big and muscular.