Sexual Utopia to Dispair

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by peta pumkin, Jul 9, 2007.

  1. peta pumkin

    peta pumkin New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2007
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    East sydney
    Peta Pumkin’s sexual life began as an attempt to secure a caring relationship. My early years were tormented by a distinct feeling that I was not wanted and was in the way. A divorced father I never knew, Mama a prominent socialite (she still is) with no time at all for me between outings and male companions. Left in the care of a Nanny until I was old enough to be shunted off to a boarding (residential) school I was constantly seeking acceptance.
    School “friends” came and went, the years droned on and suddenly it seemed puberty arrived and I found that I was attractive to those of the opposite sex. Sex it was that attracted them and I was quite willing to “put out” in return for what I thought was affection. As you can guess I was soon disillusioned as I was seeking something that was not there in the first place.
    The only things I had that attracted these “affectionate” companions were two hands, two orifices, two breasts and one mouth complete with tongue, I learnt how to use them all.
    I soon developed a liking for being wanted, no matter for what reason. The sex for me was a mechanical no feeling means to an end that did not materalise. I would do it with anyone that wanted it, anyway they desired, any place, any time. I did not keep count of how many times I “put out” but I had sex every day/night, apart from period time, with multiple partners, on many occasions eight or ten different ones and often serviced two at a time. I was “famous” and the lads and some older ones came from far and wide to have their rocks off.
    I was the local SLUT (in capital letters) and deservedly earned the nickname of “THE TWO DOLLAR WHORE”. “She will give you a freebie if you don’t have the money”. Another tasty piece of advice being bantered around; “Get her early as she gets quite sloppy later”. I didn’t care; at least I was getting all the attention I needed.
    I led this life for nearly two years, becoming more and more debased and with this returned the feeling of absolute worthlessness;
    On one rare, at that time, “non depressed” day I asked myself; “OK. Peta where can I go from here? The dominant thought; Move from your environment, be more selective in who you mate with, maybe there is a “Mister Right” out there, try to develop a liking for sex with the right guy, others have succeeded why not you? Sounds easy! Is there anyone out there who has had to transform themselves from being an absolute slut to become “Miss Goody Two Shoes”? I thought I had when I eventually found the ideal man in all respects. I lived for a while in a land of sexual Utopia, with an affectionate caring man. I was in heaven until the deceitful two timer dumped me into the pits of despair.

    I will continue recounting this “thread of my life” at a later time.
     
  2. Redspades

    Redspades New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2007
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    yes please continue :) I'm interested!!
     
  3. peta pumkin

    peta pumkin New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2007
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    East sydney
    Life improved for Peta Pumkin when I followed up on my decision to seek a new habitat and attempt to get from being a “low life” with zero self respect to being someone of worth.
    The physical move was easy, good old Mama who knew nothing about my sexual promiscuous life, (I was at “school or college”) was pleased for me to move to a provincial city to “attend College”. She increased my allowance and paid all my relocation expenses. Only too happy for me to be away from her scene, to me she was desperate to hide the fact that she had an eighteen year old daughter. She had turned the clock back on her own age!
    After a period of abject loneliness, during which time I had an overwhelming urge to seek my former ways I followed up on a difficult decision and during the next six months I :
    • Enrolled and completed level one and level two of a “young ladies” grooming school. Hygiene, Deportment, Elocution, Etiquette and Make-up also Dress Sense and Entertaining.
    • Joined a ladies gymnasium and attended twice daily aerobics classes. Dance and Power.
    • Resumed my school time passion for middle distance running and long distance swimming. Slow work this but I did improve on my best personal times for both disciplines.
    • Went on a many shopping sprees to outfit the new image me.

    All of these successes improved my self esteem and I was no longer reliant on other people (Men) to feel wanted. I wanted myself; I loved myself for what I was and what I had achieved. Mentally and physically fit I now found an awakening of libido, the more I worked out, the physically fitter I became the more I felt the urge for a true sexual relationship
    I was abhorred when I recalled my previous shameful sexual, animal like habits. This had not been sex, this was just the “no feeling” use of my body to gain acceptance.

    My first venture to the dating scene was a well prepared visit to a singles bar. Dressed fashionably in my new wardrobe, hair and face make up so as to be sexually attractive and emphasize my natural beauty, breasts, eyes and lips I was careful not to appear to be a Tart.
    With some trepidation I seated myself at the bar, ordered a drink, my first time ever, and settled to accustom myself to what was what. Within one minute I had my first conversation with a well spoken real clean looking hunk, talk was about the gig playing some real funky music. He knew more about them than I did and appearing more knowledgeable of music than I really was. I kept the talk going as I was enjoying his company.
    Do you know that this place has a reputation as a pick-up joint?” Not long before the conversation went something like this; “With a thudding heart, I looked him in the eye and replied; “Yes, that’s why I am here.” “Why not go to my place I have some terrific tracks and we can have some meaningful conversation? It’s walking distance only to my condo.” Quite pleasing to see that it was in a modern block, (much better than my apartment). A quick tour, selection of several tracks. Another drink (I hadn’t touched the first one), a quick embrace and the passionate deep kissing was the intro. to my first real date.
    I can remember in great detail being led to the bed, kissing, kissing and those wonderful hands gently exploring my body. Hands under my top, I rarely wear a bra, and I was turned on by his delightful reaction when he first fondled my breasts. Size 36 D. firm, pear shaped with large up jutting, now erect nipples, they are my best physical feature. He was amazed and in no time at all my top was off and he was nuzzling me. Not to be left out I unzipped his trousers and something that I could not grasp in my mind at that time was the huge size of his erect penis. I did not imagine that a man could be built so big.
    In my earlier days I had sampled many hundreds, perhaps some thousands of cocks but there was never anything to compare with this one. Surely it was too big and I could never accommodate it in my vagina, which was my original intention. (I have written elseware in this forum that in the later stages of our relationship we did measure it as 7 ¼. long, and 6 ¼. circumference, a large flanged head and a shaft with many raised veins such as one sees with body builders posing). I know from reading this forum during the last few days that some MEN claim to have gigantic ridiculously long and thick cocks. I disregard this as from my own personal extensive experience this is not just so. This was the only one of many that is not imagination. I know for I have been there in reality not fantasy land.

    Now both naked it seemed inevitable that I was to have sex with this monster (to me) cock. He assured me that there would be no problem, I was wet and with patience it would be OK.
    Supine, legs on his shoulders he for some time rubbed my clitoris, Wow! Then slowly, ever so slowly he entered me. Despite his caution it was an uncomfortable stretching until without warning I had a rapid build up of sensation and for the first time in my life I had an orgasm and that occurred before he had fully inserted. Great waves of ecstatic feeling emanating from every nerve in my pelvis and a spasmodic contracting of all muscles. Oh! How can one adequately describe their first orgasm?
    At that time I must have fainted for when I woke to reality he had ejaculated and withdrawn, I was bleeding a little and I had apparently lost control of my bladder and voided on the bed. What a mess, cum, blood and urine. Embarrassed no end I left in a taxi for home as soon as possible with a “promise” to meet at his unit next evening.

    Next evening and next evening and every evening I returned to my lover. Gone was the pain and remaining was the ecstasy of a fulfilled woman. With no fore play, I was always wet in anticipation, we quickly coupled, often I would have one of those great mind blowing orgasms as soon as he entered me with his thick cock which thorough out our relationship continued to stretch me magnificently and fill me completely. Sometimes we would lay side-by-side without him moving inside me apart from a throbbing sensation, no thrusting movement at all, both of us whispering endearments and caressing with our hands. I was constantly aroused and on many occasions it was just a simple peck kiss on the eyelid that would trigger another shuddering orgasm. Thrusting slowly or quickly, with his great cock head feeling as it was turning me inside out always resulted in further orgasms until I was a quivering weak kneed mess, emotionally and physically drained. He could maintain a fully hard erection throughout our regular hours of intercourse and was only ever able to ejaculate by partially withdrawing until only his cock head was in my vagina then with incredibly short fast thrusts he would climax within seconds.
    First day period time for me with a heavy flow and it was mostly caressing, stroking between my breasts and usually finishing with a hand job for him. Despite my previous experience he was too thick to take in my mouth but I did what I could with sucking, licking and kissing of his magnificent cock. He was never able to cum when I was doing this.
    Our relationship continued for many months with promises of a future together “after I gained a college qualification” (my oft spoken aim). The rest of my activities fell by the wayside; I was constantly sexually aroused, was wet all the time and could not concentrate on anything but our next daily meeting.
    Ecstasy. An unbelievable high in my life which came crashing down to abject despair when without a word or gesture he disappeared from my life.
     
  4. Bluesy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    3,779
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    I applaud you for getting involved in the self-esteem-boosting activities you have (way to take charge!), and for developing healthy goals for yourself. If you can take it that far, you can go all the way, turn your life into whatever you want it to be :) Truly. I think a courageous next step would be counseling. What do you think? Having a caring bf is certainly a good morale/mood-booster, I know it helps, but life is unpredictable and people do come and go...sometimes in the blink of an eye. The best kind of happiness is generated within, the kind you get from having a healthy mind. It sounds like some of the stuff you went through in your childhood may have poisoned your mind, and made you crave love and attention. Behaviorally, doing good things for yourself is an excellent way to go, but you have to take care of yourself cognitively, too. That's where a therapist could help.
     
  5. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,754
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern Indiana
    Peta Pumpkin you said
    [QUOTE Is there anyone out there who has had to transform themselves from being an absolute slut to become “Miss Goody Two Shoes”?][/QUOTE]
    I am not a believer in the " Miss goody two shoes theory"
    To me It doesn't make a damn what you were, Its what you are
    And I applaud your being able to transform your life.
    And I am also saddened by your loss. Would you please
    tell us what happened. If He just took off don't let it destroy
    your determination to find a love and stay with it.

    Hike
     
  6. peta pumkin

    peta pumkin New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2007
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    East sydney
    Blusey and Bigghiker 2003, Your caring words of wisdom and advice have given me something to consider. I am a little teary as the result. I do have a further part of my life to relate but can't quite get it together for long enough to begin. Soon I will try.
     
  7. Bob Bobertson

    Bob Bobertson New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2007
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    You have an awsome writing style. I feel for your loss.