Sexual Satisfaction. Can it be a threat to your relationship?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by soadevp, Dec 20, 2009.

  1. soadevp

    soadevp New Member

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    As in, can it become a serious issue down the road of the relationship, for either male or female. If sexual satisfaction tends to get/feel low during sex? From what I'm to understand, they say sexual satisfaction can play a major role in a relationship no matter how much 'in love' a couple is. There are certain things I feel like I'm missing out with my girlfriend sometimes, and it's kind of a big mess as to why I'm missing out it.

    I'm the kind of guy that's really into having a girl go down on me, no surprise right? Not true actually. I've met a couple of guys who are as equally disgusted by it. I'm not, and I'd like it if she was into it. I go down on her also, I simply love giving it. I wish she would too also, and it's not just a simple "thing" I like. It's really more of a 'kink' I'm very into. She's so weird about it though I sometimes DO feel dissatisfied during sex. I feel like everything's not there during intercourse, and believe me. I've tried finding ways to forget about getting a blowjob. I've tried the roleplaying with her, she'd dance into my bedroom wearing a catholic school girl outfit. It was fucking amazing...watching her in the outfit I mean. The sex was fine too but I felt something else coulda been in there. Then I've tried maybe killing my own kink somehow, I thouht about how when I walked into my parents bed room when I was five, looking for my brothers, and there they were. Going down south. I'm still craving the kink.

    I've even tried the ol' "please your girl as much as possible to get yourself off" thing, it's great, but it eventually lost it's luster as I'm still missing that key ingredient. The only reason I ask this question is not be come off as a 'dick', or a 'jerk'. I really do love my girl, we've been through hell and back but I worry that if the sex stops being as good as I would like it to be, I'd be hesitant to look elsewhere. I never wanna cheat on her, but I'd never want to leave because the sex "wasn't good enough anymore".

    Am I wrong to feel this way?
    I could provide more details if anyone response with any interest to better explain the situation from both sides.
     
  2. Barbwire

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    So, the gist of it is, you want more head and feel unhappy because you aren't getting it from your girlfriend. Have you had a frank discussion as to why she doesn't like doing it? Perhaps there is something you could be doing that would make her more apt to go down on you. Could be something as simple as you not washing your junk well enough or maybe something as complicated as her having had bad experiences in the past that are coming back to her when she tries to felliciate you.

    She may never be the type that wants to give blowjobs and that's something you will have to learn to deal with or boot. If it were me and I was dating a guy that wouldn't go downtown, I'd have to move on. Sexual compatibility is HUGE as far as I'm concerned, and there's no point in making a commitment to someone that doesn't jive with you in the sack.
     
  3. soadevp

    soadevp New Member

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    First I wanna say I appreciate your reply, thank you

    Now, it isn't that I would like 'more' head. It's I would like head in general. There isn't much of that in our relationship. At least her giving it. As I think I've already said, I totally enjoy going down on her.
    And yeah, there was something that happened with her, traumatic you can say.
    To give you a better visual. This is from another forum, she wrote a long time ago when this was going on:

    Adult - why do i do this to myself?

    so theres this boy i like
    he lives about 30 mins away and he happens to be my drug dealer i guess
    i mean i buy pot from him or atleast used havent in about a month
    well he says he likes me too but it seems everytime we wanna hang out we never make def plans and a couple times things like "oh i fell asleep im sorry" or like "i got really high so i didnt wanna drive" seem to happen to him
    and when he does actually come see me we drive around and end up doing 69 in his car.
    i did flip out at him one day and told him he wouldnt be able handle dating me anyway because of my cuttin, ED, BPD and stuff like that. he listened and said he still liked me. and he even lookied all sad when he knew i went to a club and while drunk kissed another boy.
    i just dont get why i keep giving him head even though he doesnt really "deserve" it because he doesnt consistantly care. even last night he said he was going to text me when he got home so i made him pinky promise. and he just never texted me. i dont get it why do i keep going back to him?


    Now I've never met this boy ever, and very glad too.
    And even though I understand all of that, I still can't help that it's something a part of me that I generally enjoy getting. Am I making a mistake and bugging myself because I chose to just try and forget I enjoy head for this relationship?
    Love is NOT a magical feeling that cancels everything out. You need so many things for a long lasting healthy relationship to keep on working, so I hear from the experts.

    Plus I would hear chicks all the time talk about if their man doesn't satisfy them, they're gone. Why can't I feel the same way without feeling a little stricken? I have discussed this with her, many times before, and she says she just needs to get over it. Which is fine, but it's been long, and I worry if that time doesn't come. I'll do something to hurt her. I keep gettingn this bad thought that if I happened to be somewhere with a lot of girls, and they offered head, I'd accept without hesitation, and I couldn't do that to her.

    As much as I understand this was a probably a horrible traumatic event for her, as much as I really understand that. I feel like these boys took a piece of my gf that I can never get back. She tells me I should be lucky I have her virginity. (I never forced her into it, part of the reason she gave the boy head is to not have sex with him. We have a long, long, twisted blooming past that's probably starting to catch up with itself or something.)
    But I feel like if she did have sex with that boy, sex would be something that we couldn't be enjoy right now. I told her that, and she paused for a moment, and agreed that it probably would be much worse.
    There would be even more 'certain' things we couldn't do. The difficulty of this question is that people look at sex so black and white. I'm not that kind of guy that's always trying to find, and chase around tail. I'm very commited to my relationships, but this is the first time I feel like I'm not getting everything I want from my relationship. I've never felt that way and it's a confusing position to be in being a guy because of that whole "oh you left her because she wouldn't give you head, such a asshole 'dude'".
    It's more of, she won't give me head, and as much as I've tried to ignore that fact and not care. I'm starting to feel like it's something that's actually making me enjoy sex less and less.

    Another thing, I'm probably a lot more girly than her when it comes to cleanliness. I keep myself clean, washed, trimmed a very certain way all the time. So that's not the issue.
     
  4. igor

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    I dunno dude. If I couldn't deal with my wife not doing one thing sexually that I want We wouldn't have lasted for over 45 years together. There are a LOT of things she won't do but I focus on the good things. We even went for 5 years without any sex at all. I know we are all different but I can't imagine being hung up on one sexual activity when there are so many more things to do. If it means that much to you talk about it and find out what her objections are.
     
  5. soadevp

    soadevp New Member

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    That's the thing, I have tried other things, and looking at the other brighter side of things I have.
    But it still doesn't stop me from feeling sexually unsatisfied. I fulfill all of her sexual kinks all the time as well, even when she thought I wouldn't be ok with them but it's no big deal for me, and I tried to use that as a way to feel sexually satisfied by getting her off but it's been losing it's luster.
    I don't know what to do about it.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    Look, you are only 21 and not married, if she isn't the right fit, move on. If blowjobs are that important to you, and she doesn't want to give them to you, you will only end up frustrated and eventually, resentful towards her. That's no way to live, man.
     
  7. lbushwalker

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    It is not the blow job per se that this dude seeks but overall acceptance.
    Frankly I sympathise with him even as he has not worked out what might be the problem.
    Sure he is young and could easily move on but why not try and work out the fundamentals here?
     
  8. HardRocker

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    She posted that on SF, I remember reading it. It may be helpful to see what she and others discussed in that thread. I'll see if I can search it out.

    EDIT: It doesn't show up here, but I found it on the other site where you said she had posted it. Maybe I was mistaken about having seen it, or else it's been deleted. I used Google's domain search.
     
    #8 HardRocker, Mar 5, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2010
  9. Bryant31

    Bryant31 New Member

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    This is where good communication comes in to play. You two are going to have a heart to heart. Does she know how you truly feel? Instead of sharing it here. Let her know, and be real and honest about it. Truth is the way to solve problems. Take care
     
  10. HardRocker

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    Welcome to SF Bryant31, good for a thoughtful first post.