Sexual progression with long term partner

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Joboo6, Jul 20, 2016.

  1. Joboo6

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    I have asked about this before in a more basic or tactless manner so I'll try again to see if anyone has a similar experience or interesting remarks.
    I had a good deal of sexual experience when my wife and I married, my wife on the other hand said she had very little except one long term BF. When we first got together she had no problem climaxing, it was usually two, one from oral before penetration and then one while we fucked, just penetration no finger play. I would say within two years or so the oral foreplay was reduced on her part until she was close and then she wanted to be penetrated and she would almost always come. After two kids there was less oral, her choice and more penetrave sex which she wanted from behind with me stimulating her clit as we went on. She would always come. So at about twenty years in she premenopausal and tremendously horny, I mean everyday, sometimes twice a day. But, I was having a hard time getting her off, here she is wanting it more than she did at 22 and I'm having trouble getting her off. I traveled for a living and I'm thinking she is going to get it somewhere, blaming myself. Then I talk to a random woman on a long flight and she tells me it's hormonal. It's not my fault. I'm relieved but then I realize my wife doesn't know this, she just wast to get off.
    I would get home and if she wasn't all over me I became paranoid she was fucking someone. So, on my next trip I picked up a dildo, a large dildo. Probably eight inches insert able and thick, porn movie thick. Then I think coming back she will never go for this so I play it off as a gag gift. Well, she was all over it. The first time I used it on her I went down on her for a minute or two till she was good and wet and then I started using it, slowly and as she instructed. Several head insertions with full removal asking if it hurt and hearing not at all. Then I get it in about 4-5 inches and that's all the depth she wanted, keeping her hands in position to stop me if I try and go deep. About ninty seconds into the slow strokes she goes off like a Roman candle. I mean I've never seen her come like that before. She went on for a good fourty seconds or so and then collapsed. I started to pull out and she stopped me, " just leave it for a minute" she said. Then she sat up on her elbows, ( she was on her back) and told me to take it out slow. She was watching it come out and when the head which was a little thicker than the shaft made its way over the last two inches or so she seemed to come again, very quick though. He remark as she laid back was, " OMG that was fucking incredible" then she wanted me. Well, I didn't last long as you can imagine and the conversation began with me commenting about how fast and how hard she orgasmed. She was disoriented, " was it fast? OMG it was fast, I think it was because you were watching it." Then she started on the orgasm. I said I had never seen her come even close to that and she tried to blow it off saying she was just real excited, saying it had nothing to do with the size. Of course she was trying to protect my feelings but I was like come on. Then in a couple of years she was through menopause and the sex became a once a week and then less and less until she said she just didn't have the urge anymore. I talk to lots of people that say this is common and some women that say their drive didn't diminish at all. She can't take hormones due to family history of cancer. For some reason I just feel the need to talk about it, she won't discuss it anymore. The only time she wants sex is if she drinks and she doesn't drink much anymore. I'm 60 and still horny. What do you do?
     
  2. Hypersexual11

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    Well, that is a cool post. Thanks for putting that out here.
    Sexual Frustration, the stuff old age is made of. What you do, is deal with it in the best way possible. If you are very fortunate and have a wife who understands male sexuality and isn't just "No more sex for either of us, cuz I dont want it", then your options are more open.
    Whatever you decide, try to not limit your orgasms. Keeping the pipes cleaned, as it were, is very important to your physical and emotional health.
    One thing is for sure, you can't change her. You have to make changes in your lifestyle to adjust to this. It's a bigger deal that we like to think.
     
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  3. lbushwalker

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    'Stralia Mate!
    Sadly seen this happen too often with my peer age group and to a certain extent with my ex who even as premenopausal just gave up on sex full stop.
    Lucky for me, my 30 years younger SO is rampant for sex so sometimes it's me that has a headache ;)
     
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  4. danrb007

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    My wife sex drive went to almost nothing after menopause. Tha sad thing is she doesn't realize it and blames me for not wanting sex. Then I will point out the times I have tried and she has come up with an excuse not to. I have pretty much resorted myself to porn and masturbation are my relief. We have sex about twice a year but I love her with all my heart and would never leave her or cheat on her for real. I do play online some people consider that cheating but I would never cheat for real.
     
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  5. cbrmale

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    For women, you don't need to be horny to agree to sex, and to enjoy that sex. My wife is African and post-menopausal and our sexual frequency continues, and she is just as orgasmic as ever. One thing with post-menopausal women is that sex can become painful, but communication rather than not having sex is the answer. Lube may help or there are other treatments.

    I have heard that many white women just stop having sex, while women of other cultures are more inclined to continue.
     
  6. JackieTreehorn

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    Great post and responses. Like others have said, good communication is key, and you have to learn to adapt lifestyle, schedule, etc. Our changes have been more from 'external' circumstances, namely kids and work schedule, rather than 'internal' health or age-related issues.
    The added responsibility of little ones puts a damper on things. But when they were little they went to sleep early, which left time for us to be together. As they're older now and stay up later, we find it's harder to get time alone at night. We have to schedule 'dates' and carve out some 'couples time' which can take some of the spontaneity out of it.
    We used to both work from home, so that left large windows of time when the house was empty. Now we work outside the home, and we're both missing the daytime sex. It forces you to get creative. You have to put in the effort, but it's worth it.

    As far as 'progression,' we've become a better 'couple,' and better lovers for each other as years progressed. I think that's due to overcoming things like parenting challenges together, and sharing the risks of having a business. Those challenges have brought us closer in a lot of ways, and sex is one way in which we express that closeness.
    We're not there yet, but I do worry about the wildcard of menopause.
     
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  7. pebbles_bambam

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    Ooooo I think I have to disagree! You may be able to change her! As we go through different phases, we change and our needs change. It's always worth a shot.
    -p
     
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  8. jcurve44

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    Let me know if you need someone to help participate in the change :)