I'm having a lot of problems over loss of sexual confidence lately, and I want to do something about it before it gets worse, as I'm going down hill fast, and can see how this could progess to the point of phobia. I am diagnosed PTSD, and have had a long history of abuse and traumatic events (way too much to go into, including some violent and some sexual assaults... some situations severe enough to be life threatening). In fact, I have barely had an abuse free period in my life at all... although I'm happy to say that I do right now. I had a few fairly minor (but still notable) hang ups about sex, right from the beginning of adulthood... but on the other hand was always open about sex related topics, a liberal thinker, non-judgemental, and still had a high sex drive, so I figured I was ok. It's frustrating, as I get turned on as easily as I ever did, and have no loss libido... but have actually gotten to the point where the idea of acting on it feels frightening. I can't handle eye contact during anything sexual, being on top, and for the last couple of years even just having the lights on. And here's the irrational part... if I do, I feel like I'm being exposed... and that the guy can see every dark secret about my abusive background, every flaw I have, every mistake I've ever made etc... like they're finding out I'm a fraud of some kind. After a certain period of time with a partner I get a bit better with regards to sex with them, but because I obviously need more patience from partners, and they simply haven't had any (I'll admit I haven't chosen well)... that leaves me in a worse state for the next. Some of their attitudes have made me feel like I'm being punished. When I look back over how I was sexually a few months ago, 2 years ago, 5 years ago... I realise that this problem has been progressing all this time. Comparing me now to say 10 years ago... two completely different people. Just in the last week or so I've felt like I can't bring myself to any sexual activity with a partner at all. I am very far from a prude, as even a few people on :sf would know well by now, and I'm dying to get back to myself in the bedroom (...or kitchen, or bathroom, or patio... :lol nice to know that if I never have sex again I'll still have my sense of humour). I have barely ever found counselling to be the right solution for me, although have come across one exception who I have found helpful for other issues. I'll look into seeing him. Other than that... anyone know of any other resources that could help me out?