Sexless Marriage

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by AGFUNK, Jun 7, 2014.

  1. AGFUNK

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    Come to find out today that my husband doesn't like having sex with me and it isn't fun. The only time he has enjoyed it since I've had our son is when we were masturbating each other. He won't have sex with me. I have never been so hurt in all of our relationship.

    My question is how do others in sexless marriages manage?
     
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  2. oldkid

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    At your age and with your libido, It's going to be impossible for you. Wish I had a solution, but from watching you over the last few months, there doesn't appear to be one. There are going to be a lot of opinions on SF, maybe somebody will come up with something. Hang in there for Little Guy. XX
     
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  3. backcheck64

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    That, my dear, I couldn't tell you. I can tell you, you married an asshole.
     
  4. boobjob

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    Manage it by focusing on all the good things that you have together. Focus on on your love for him. you are a strong person. Anything that is worthwhile is worth working for. Communication is key . appreciate the aspects of sex that you do share. I have read some of your posts that indicate some fun aspects of your sex life.

    Suggest counseling. The longer you wait , the harder it is to start.

    To answer your question directly, I will tell you that when I avoid SF I feel less resentment and my libido is not as active. (I would miss you if you left )

    An age it by focusing on love and communication.
     
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  5. lbushwalker

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    You know my story, I've told it many times; nothing to add.
     
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  6. boobjob

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    I Must also say that I disagree with this. I'm sorry your hubby isn't fulfilling your needs But I don't think that name calling is not useful to you. You have something worth working for. Again to answer your question resentment is poisonous and only makes matters worse.
     
  7. AGFUNK

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    The last posts about sex was when he was still willing. He is not willing anymore. I've suggested counseling and he shot it down. He told me today that sex with me isn't fun, he hasn't enjoyed it since our son was born. He has only enjoyed the masturbating each other. That hurt so fucking bad.

    I'm not going to leave here. My sex drive is just as high whether I'm on here or not.
     
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  8. 10_3XL

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    You know we're all pulling for you here on SF, AG. But I think I speak for many of us when I say it is time to "shit or get off the pot."

    Your husband's refusal to try to make things better that you mention here, on top of all the other things you have mentioned... That's unforgivably immature and "asshole-ish" of him. Not sure exactly how he presented it or worded it, but that could easily deviate into emotional/mental abuse. He doesn't have to physically be harming you to be abusing you.

    Your husband seems to be in some pretty major denial as to what his duty is as a husband, father, and man... No - amend that - just as a decent human being. It is time he pulls his head out of wherever he's stuck it and sees the universe for what it is. He needs to stop rejecting and neglecting what Has To and Needs To Be Done - again, not just as a husband, father, and man but as a human being in general.

    Don't stay around exacerbating the situation. If he so actively and willfully doesn't want you and your son in his life, then remove yourselves from his life! Let him realize the full implication of, "You don't know what you've got until it is gone."

    Leaving doesn't necessarily mean Forever - but it does need to happen. At least until everyone is in a better place for a relationship - especially one as significant as marriage.

    /end rant
     
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  9. MissJuicy

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    Totally agree with this, perhaps realising what he would really be losing is the best medicine in this situation,

    however if nothing changes even when this method is applied perhaps it's time to look at wether this marriage is doing you more harm than good especially when you have your son, he will pick up on the vibes unfortunately.


    Do something for you and your son before it's too late
     
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  10. boobjob

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    I'm really sorry for what you are going through. I understand that you are hurting. I'm also sorry if my answers aren't helpful. I'm only trying to give some advise based my own experience.

    My wife has said similar things but she has also retracted those statements in other discussions.

    So ...in thinking about it, maybe I haven't answered your question. You didn't ask how to fix the problem. You didn't ask for opinions on your husband.

    So here goes. How do I manage? First off, I masturbate. I Exercise. I find that often masturbation just makes me bitter and resentful so some good vigorous exercise is a better way to get the endorphins that my body craves. Sometimes I drive to the beach alone and go for a walk. Sometimes I become manic about chores around the house. Sometimes I vent to my best friend sometimes I fantasize about what it would be like to separate, or to cheat. Sometimes I flirt at work or with friends at SF.

    Those things only work for short periods. I manage by knowing that there are things more important than sex and appreciating what we do share. That has varied for us. Sometimes it has been handjobs sometimes quickies. Sometimes it is just hugs and cuddling.

    To use your word. I "manage" to get by.
     
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  11. boobjob

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    Another thought. My wife also has resisted counseling. I go on my own and it helps. (Though some of you may disagree, LOL). Maybe that is a choice for you to help you "manage."
     
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  12. boobjob

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    Sorry to go on... But I also have to say that I disagree with the answer that you should leave no one said marriage was easy. That's why there are a million jokes about marriage. I don't know what vows you exchanged, but my vows did not include "I will leave when things get tough" The people advocating leaving will say that he is not fulfilling his vows but life isn't about other peoples promises. It is about ours. To me that means that I will try everything that I can to make it work. Because that is what I promised to do.
     
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  13. 10_3XL

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    boobjob is right - we've been focusing on opinion of your husband and not looking at your question. On top of what was suggested above, I'd also say to try looking into finding a local mothers' group where women w/young children socialize and get out. (Not sure if there's anything like that in your parts - but there are here.) Establish a life outside of your home/husband life for yourself and your child. Having that "escape" will do wonders I think.

    I respect the concept of marriage vows and that it is not supposed to be a commitment until "things get tough." It is important to uphold our promises that we make to others. However, I feel that his behavior in this situation is fast arriving the point of being an extenuating circumstance that would nullify that promise. How much neglect and/or abuse does a person (man or woman) have to withstand before it's acceptable to remove themselves from a seriously unhealthy situation? Before things Get Bad? When things Get Worse? When the negativity begins to adversely affect not just man and wife but also their child? Does he need to hit her with more than words? Is there a minimum wait time - a month, a year, 10 years?
     
  14. boobjob

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    Only AG can answer when it's enough. If he's abusive then she has to protect herself but I'm not sure if she is in that place.
     
  15. HotForHoney

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    I once heard Dr. Phil say, "kids would rather come FROM a broken home than live IN a broken home".
     
  16. 10_3XL

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    I can attest to the truth in that! My parents went through 10 years of misery with each other "for the sake of the kids" before finally admitting defeat. When they told me and my sisters of their impending divorce none of us cried or were upset - we were all relieved. It meant no more seeing the two most important people in our lives go after each other and hate each other in front of us every single day and night. Neither my mom or dad were abusive to us kids and only (ha! "only") verbally/emotionally abusive to one another, but all of that negativity made a horrible atmosphere. I acknowledge that it warped my perceptions on how marriage is and how relationships work and so on... Definitely had a lot of "emotional hangover" and carryover to when I was not at home...

    So - very simplistically - Broken (But Together) Home BAD. Separate (But Healthy) Homes GOOD.
     
  17. backcheck64

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    I stand by my statement, you don't do that to someone you've committed to love till death do you part.
     
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  18. MissJuicy

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    Hear Hear
     
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  19. boobjob

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    I'm trying to be optimistic that even if he isn't expressing it. He does still love her. Love is about forgiveness. It is easy to like something that is perfect. Takes work to love a person for their faults.
     
  20. backcheck64

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    The "for better and for worse" part means illness, sickness, death of a child, financial woes, not being a jerk and antagonist. It takes two to have a marriage, and both work at it. This is a case where one will do nothing to mend the situation. While I'm not a fan of divorce, when one will not do whatever it takes to fix things, you don't have a marriage in the first place.
     
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