[Ask a Guy] Sex without emotions

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by Irish1207, Mar 22, 2013.

  1. Irish1207

    Irish1207 New Member

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    I am new to this site and have questions. I am a 40yr old female going through a divorce. Over a yr ago I reconnected with a guy from high school in my same situation. We speak almost daily over Facebook chat. After about 2 months we decided to meet for drinks. There was an immediate physical connection. A yr later we still chat daily and meet at least 2 times a month for sex. It is mind blowing for both of us. He is very attentive to making sure my needs are met as I am with him. We decided when this started that neither was ready for a relationship. I'm still not sure I'm ready for one either but I enjoy the sex. He is feeling the same way also. How is it possible to feel this way about a relationship but want to make sure our sex is incredible each time. We both take great pride in what the other wants and needs. Not sure what to do or think anymore about this.
     
  2. subvim66

    subvim66 New Member

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    You sare fackbuddies... Just enjoying sex and company like good friends... It happens sometimes. Till you or he are not finding a lover go on without problems
     
  3. theatreguy

    theatreguy New Member

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    Sounds like fun, first of all. But with the above quote "not sure" you're ready for a relationship paired with the title "Sex without emotions" doesn't really jive for me. I mean, if the sex is great and you don't want strings and he doesn't want strings, what is there to do or think or be conflicted or even write this post about?

    Excuse me if I'm off base but I think the issue here is that you aren't having emotionless sex. He might be, I mean might be (I'm a believer it's possible to have emotionless sex, but I've yet to witness it; you and another person are enjoying each other, joy is part of the spectrum of love-hate, thus... I digress). But it's possible both of you are trying to have a relationship because that's what you've grown accustomed to in your married life and the bi-monthly sex meets help you feel that you aren't pursuing a relationship, just serving yourself.

    You two chat a lot, huh? Is it all cyber sex? Do you tell him when you're having a bad day, does he make you feel better?

    I read "going through a divorce" and I think: fresh wound. I'm not saying you're driven by that hurt entirely--sounds like you genuinely want to get fucked and properly and this guy's doing that--but I do think you aren't being honest about what this is. You have a boyfriend and your relationship has a structure you aren't used to. I think I'd take a month or two off from the sex and see what happens.
     
  4. BigTitLover

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    I got divorced 5 years ago. Ended up with a similar situation, but with the mom of one my kids friends. She got divorced around the same time as I did. We ended up talking on a field trip, issues with the ex's were similar, that migrated to other things. We both had an itch to scratch, it worked out nicely. We would meet when our kids went to the respective Ex's for the weekend. We would get together and spend close to 24 hours together never leaving the house and ordering takeout. We have both met/left people since. We still talk, and help scratch the itch as long as the other is not with someone. We spent 2 full days together couple months back.

    Thought about making it a full on relation ship, we both think that won't work. I know it wont, I'm not to the point in my life after the divorce to want a full on relationship that wold lead to marriage again. That and she wants more kids. I have two, she has 4 and wants more. Hell I'm thinking of getting snipped so I don't have to worry about it anymore. But that is another subject all together.
     
  5. Meee

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    You are describing a relationship and sex with emotions. How you decide to move forward with that is up to you. But it will help if you understand what you have with this man: a relationship and sex with emotions.
     
  6. Irish1207

    Irish1207 New Member

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    Well after reading these replies it helps me understand more. We talk about our day, our kids and anything else that comes up. It's not all cyber sex talk. I know I'm scared to have another relationship as is he but. I do feel differently lately. When we originally got 'together' both our marriages were over for at least a yr...the divorce had just begun. Is it possible after a yr for him to have no emotions???
     
  7. Clintriprock

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    Fucking is like pissing, everyone needs to do it. If emotions play into it then that's all well and good but not a necessary factor.
     
  8. simbablk

    simbablk Active Member

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    It is absolutely possible for men to have sex that soon after a divorce.

    For me, it was similar. When my wife finally left, I was alone for quite a while dealing with my emotions. After a while, I started talking with females I met online and some friends. To keep the emotions to a minimum, I fuck in positions like doggystyle and reverse cowgirl to keep from having to look in her eyes. No cuddling, no kissing - we're just fucking.

    Don't get me wrong. I'm not a monster. I've been on the other end of emotions when having sex with someone. My fuckbuddy of many years made it quite clear that we were just fucking - nothing else. I was falling for her but she (according to her word) was not wanting to enter into a relationship with me - other than just sex. So I learned all this from her.

    Simba
     
  9. lbushwalker

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    Something similar with me;
    It was at the start purely physical for both me and the FB and exceptional sex it certainly was with no holds barred, no BS pretending in case of hurting a loved one, just pure lust!
    Sometimes during the next two years she slowly began to fall in love with me which changed and complicated everything so we needed to move on and she reluctantly let me go and besides I had two others on the go as well.
    So in a nutshell people can and do have satisfying sex without permanent commitment but without emotion I doubt it although the OP might really mean "love" whatever that is.
    It is all different now being with SO almost 24/5.
     
    #9 lbushwalker, Apr 19, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2013