Sex with my boyfriend always leaves me wanting more..

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by JustNotSure, Jul 4, 2012.

  1. JustNotSure

    JustNotSure New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2010
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    London
    So my boyfriend and I have been together for over 18 months now and we have a very healthy sex life - I am very grateful that we are not out of this supposed honeymoon period people are on about and we still can't keep our hands of each other (in private, we don't go around eating each other's faces in public! Haha).

    The problem is, that as much as I enjoy sex with him - and I really do genuinely love it - I haven't yet been able to come. It's not just a problem with him, I have tried to do it myself a number of times but it just hasn't happened.

    Now, I know that there could be a ton of possibilities, namely the fact that he is my first and I am not all the experienced. But I would have hoped that the fact that he is a bit more experienced than I am would have helped us at least a bit (I know the whole every woman is different thing, but you know).

    I can honestly say that it's not not happened for lack of trying, because to his merit he really does try and he wants it to happen for me. But we can't make it so. Obviously it's not a massive pressure because I know that would make it more impossible, but I'd like for it to happen.

    Does anyone have any ideas on how to resolve this one? Mentally as well as emotionally...

    (Wasn't sure which category it would best fit into so I just winged it.. Sorry and for the length of this too..)
     
  2. Peteher

    Peteher Member

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2012
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Are you able to cum on your own? Have you ever from a partner?
     
  3. EarthboundEnigma

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2012
    Messages:
    355
    Likes Received:
    596
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Lunar Base, Moon
    One exercise you can try if you're comfortable, is giving yourself an orgasm in front of him. Masturbating in front of him might give him a better understanding of what he needs to do. It also has the advantage of perhaps breaking down some of the mental and emotional barriers that might be getting in your way.

    Short of that, talk with him, let him know it's not his fault and that it's just something that you'll both need to work on.
     
  4. JustNotSure

    JustNotSure New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2010
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    London
    Thanks guys.

    Seeing as I said he's my first, and I've not successfully managed to do it on my own, I really don't see neither of those things leading to a solution.

    I have spoken to him about it and I have told him it's not his fault and that he shouldn't take it as though I am not enjoying myself when we have sex, but I still want it to happen.. It's kind of frustrating?
     
  5. Beth_UK

    Beth_UK New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2010
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Yorkshire UK
    Have you never had an orgasm in your life, then?
     
  6. Beth_UK

    Beth_UK New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2010
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Yorkshire UK
    And also, do you have any illnesses or on any medications? I am not asking you to post the answers to those questions here as you may be uncomfortable about that, but think about it for yourself and see if that could be a cause.
     
  7. JustNotSure

    JustNotSure New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2010
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    London
    I am not taking any sort of medication, the only thing I am taking is the contraceptive pill... and I have never had an orgasm, hence the issue...
     
  8. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,963
    Likes Received:
    5,074
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    JNS, know thyself first.
    How do you expect your SO to make you come if in the first place you don't know how to make yourself do it?
    It is not so much about technique as giving yourself the permission to, for want of a better expression "let go".
     
  9. pbs

    pbs
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2011
    Messages:
    881
    Likes Received:
    441
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northeast
    +1 for this comment. Some also call it "surrendering to your own pleasure." When something you do feels good, just relax into the feeling, think erotic thoughts, and free your body to just feel. I think the real key is to just let it happen as opposed to trying to make it happen.
     
  10. Hotchocolate

    Hotchocolate New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2012
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    B.C
    Have you ever tried any anal play? Like during sex? Because I have noticed that with some women during sex, if you finger her anally it can make quite a difference an some times it really gets her off quicker/easier.
     
  11. Cream4Me

    Cream4Me New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2012
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    missouri
    If its not just him then you may just need to relax more. When your having sex let your mind be free and wander dont get hung up on coming just enjoy each other and do what comes naturally and you might just be surprised when you orgasm. Also when he goes down on you relax. Like really relax.
     
  12. Godiva

    Godiva Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2010
    Messages:
    343
    Likes Received:
    24
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Australia
    Perhaps you may not be able to orgasm, not all women do, but with expirimentation, practise alone and with a helper, time will tell. I think i read it takes 15 years of sexual activity to learn to orgasm? Supposedly most women do in the womb, i believe that to be my case, so i cum quite easily! :)
    Just keep practising nad having fun in the meanwhile, it's not really an issue. At first you will probably be able to on your own and then slowly with a guy.
    i was with one guy a year and he couldn't get me off, but i could EASILY get myself off, just not in front of him....
    and then i could eventually with my current lover after a few months i think it was, so i was more comfortable sexually with him and i believe that is why i was able to relax! :)
     
  13. tiffers

    tiffers Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2012
    Messages:
    310
    Likes Received:
    22
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    california
    I will ask you, what are you doing when you masterbate? Not trying to be a perv or anything lol