sex with her is BORING

Discussion in 'Sexual Foreplay and Techniques' started by januarylove, May 17, 2011.

  1. januarylove

    januarylove New Member

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    When I kiss her, her lips stay closed and its so hard to make out with her because alll she does is give like closed mouth kisses back. Then I try somehow making her get on top of me but she just lays like a rock on her back..

    I have no more options other than to go down on her. Then eventually we have sex with me on top, until were done. Then that's it.

    Nothing special. No cool blow jobs. No sexy 69 stuff. Justreally boring stuff..

    I love sex. I love all that seexxxy stuff from movies. But at the same time I like to just have one girlfriend at a time and stuff. Me and my girlfriend are pretty serious but the sex is a BIG issue.

    Usually when I tell her this, she calls me selfish and sayys, sex isn't all that important and that I'm crazy and blah blah blah..

    We usually have sex about 2 times a week, at most. And its that really boring sex
     
  2. Mittimer

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    "my girlfriend and me, have been dating for over a year. at the beginning our sex life was perfect. better than ever. it was a gift from god."

    What happened to that? ^
     
  3. januarylove

    januarylove New Member

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    It just stopped because she said like I annoy her and she thinks before I dated her I was like a big sex freak and my past bothers her she says
     
  4. Mittimer

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    If you two have so many issues. She doesn't listen to you. Shes not mature enough to care about her sexual health and sex seems important to you, why are you two together?
     
  5. Barbwire

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    What you had in the beginning was LUST sex so, of course it was off-the-wall exciting.
    I assume you are in love after a year of being together. LOVE sex lacks the animalistic nature of lust sex UNLESS you work very hard to keep the heat in the coupling.


    You are not alone in your situation but, I assure you, with some effort you can turn up the heat again.

    Hubby and I went through a real shit spell, sexually speaking and we turned things around. Now, I'm not going to lie and say sometimes out sex gets to be "routine" but, it's not a relationship killer, we just change our tactics and rev it up again.
     
  6. januarylove

    januarylove New Member

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    I don't think it was lust because way before I dated her, I was attracted to her so much. Sex with her was never on my mind until she suggested it
     
  7. Barbwire

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    I thought you said you were a dude.


     
  8. backcheck64

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    If she has that big of a problem with your past, time to move on. Boring after only a year? I can see you might need to spice things up after 10 or 15 yrs, but if she is boring and has shut down already....she's got some growing up to do and unless you have the time to waste to SEE IF she comes out of it, go for it. For me, life is too short and I'd be on the move.
     
  9. backcheck64

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    Really, I am a dude and sex is on my mind 24/7. I cant remember a time in the 28 yrs I've been with my wife that sex wasnt on my mind to some extent, even when she was 9 months pregnant or puking her guts out with the flu.
     
  10. AGFUNK

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    If she doesn't want to talk about it then stop having sex with her all together and just masturbate for awhile and when she comes to you for sex you just lay there and see how see likes it having to do everything and being boring. That might work to change things.
     
  11. nurseharley

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    sweet home...
    i thought you were basically just her friend now?
     
  12. MILF_Rider

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    That doesn't mean it wasn't lust sex. You don't know someone before you've dated them so what you're attracted to is what you think someone is like. When people first meet they don't know eachother, so we tend to fill in what we don't know with whatever we want and that's why often sex is better at first, because you are having sex with the person of your dreams whether it's the reality or not.

    What's more, for women they might try to be what you want at first instead of being who they are. Once they're more secure that they aren't going to lose you, they will be themselves more. Maybe guys do this too, but these are common things about how seemingly good sexual compatibility initially later becomes a couple who are out of parity sexually.

    Do you accept her for who she is? And if you want her to trust that, then don't try to make her something she's not. Trust is part of what you need to have a good sex life when it's going to be based on familiarity.
     
  13. canadiancouple

    canadiancouple New Member

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    Dude, you guys need to look into the fantastic art of mutual masturbation.

    IMO, there's nothing cooler than watching your girlfriend/wife get herself off, and you cum at the same time.

    On a more realistic not (RE: Your situation), if you can't talk to her openly about it then it's time to say bye bye.

    What my wife and I have is something that I wish on EVERYONE. We are a good looking couple, and are more open with each other than any couple we know. Sex for us is such a huge part of our lives that we don't hesitate to talk about our sexual fetishes, fantasies or feelings. If you can't have that kind of open relationship with her then buh bye le.
     
  14. 33stack

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    How can u be very attracted to a woman and not even think about sex with her?
     
  15. Maverick

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    Honeymoon's over. Move on if you don't like it.
     
  16. KagamiD

    KagamiD New Member

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    Dump her. From what I read it seems somewhere along the line she got it in her head that all you care about is sex. Now everytime you ask for sex you're the bad guy. You don't need that. If she isn't mature enough to see that sex is an essential part of a relationship then you need to move on to someone who is on the same page with you when it comes to sex. If this keeps up it will not end well. You will resent each other and eventually break up.
     
  17. China

    China New Member

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    She sounds immature and selfish.
     
  18. thunderseed

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    Just because half the people on this forum seem to be incapable of having an amazing loving relationship along with an enjoyable and HOT sex life, doesn't mean that Love Sex lacks the animalistic sense in lustful Sex, in fact sex is a lot better and hotter and can be an experience of pure lust when you truly love someone. It isn't impossible or all that hard to be in love with someone for any given amount of time and have a hot sex life at the same time. Just because people have issues with their relationships and automatically assume doesn't mean the OP only experienced lust in the beginnings of his relationship.

    I would also like to point out that the entire gender of men are not all the same, and they are capable of thinking of other things than just sex. Andddd my rant is done LoL.

    You know why she is not really into it right now, why she has become dull, lifeless and boring in bed, it's not a problem of her sexual ability, it could be entwined with many outside factors at the same time, such as other stress, anxieties, any new change in medications, ect, but the main reason she is becoming lifeless in bed is because she is having some emotional issues, and she wouldn't be worried about your sexual past if she did not care about you ALOT. She feels threatened by your sexual past, she is going through many insecurities obviously, and unfortunately she is not going to want to have sex with you, but will continue to do so lifelessly, until she can sort through that. You can help her.

    It's not her sex drive that is the problem, and it's not her sexual preferences either. I'm guessing she would be more than happy to engage in whatever sexual activity you wanted, and be more into it, if you two were able to sort through her issues about it.
    Of course it is not your issue, it is hers. She has a problem with your sexual past, perhaps is afraid of being hurt, I am not sure why, but the only way you will be able to get past this is to support her and convince her that you will not hurt her, and that may take some time or it may not! Depending on the severity of her baggage, maybe just a nice honest talk with her would do the trick.

    She sort of reminds me of wives of male sex addicts I have talked to, when they try to work out their marriages, and I will use these examples. The women suffer great emotional disturbance, major insecurities, and do not trust their husbands for a very long time. The most interesting thing I learned from these women, is that they will try to pry and get more information about his sexual past, but it only hurts them even more upon knowing it. When they hear about all of his sexual experiences, it soils it for them, makes it into something bad and gives them extensive insecurities because they do not believe that he will ever love them for who they are, they believe all he does care for is the sex, and if at one point in time, he once had a very wild sexual history, how could he ever be able to think she is good enough? She then believes that there is no point in giving him good sex, because no sex she gives him will ever be good enough.

    Well this is a very hard process for the man who is trying to recover and show his wife that he truly does care, but also wants to have a decent and loving sex life. Because the wife retaliates and refuses to do any of the sexual acts she guesses that he must have done in his past, and she begins to view sex as a bad thing. She is afraid in comparison. She is emotionally scarred.

    The man in his recovery has to express vigorous honesty to her, but also has to remember to not go into the gritty details of his sexual experiences before her. In attempts to try and mend the sex life, he has to show her that any sexual activity that he does with her, is their own and it is special and between them only (as in it is a new experience and not a bad thing soiled from the past). Together the couple can learn to encompass a new sex life that the woman can forget any comparison to whatsoever. In order for her to break through that prickly shell, she has to trust that the sex is going to be a new thing, and not a thing of the past. She has to trust that the reason it means a lot to you is because you want sex with her because it is important for your relationship with her, and not for any other reason she might see out of proportion.

    For women or men who have a problem with their partners sexual pasts, it creates a lot of resentment, guilt and especially insecurities for them. Even men who learn their female partner has had a lot of wild sex in the past, become threatened and they immediately doubt you are incapable of feeling anything towards them. Any idea that you once cared for them as a person becomes smashed. It is typically very unfair for you because no matter how much you tell them the truth they will never believe you, but it can be dealt with. In more severe cases, it is not about words or telling them the truth, it is about showing them through actions that you are the person you say you are.
    You have to show them and it takes time for them to see you as a changed person.
    In general, men tend to react differently than women in these regards. While women react emotionally and tend to isolate and withdraw from sex, men will try to compare and will try to hide their insecurities by trying to become what they think you want them to be, and will typically harness a lot of emotional problems because of it. Of course all people are different in what they can handle. But it is common for people to be scared off or threatened if you have had a pretty wild sexual history, and if this person already has personal insecurities, it can bring those out a lot.

    In any way, I really hope it gets better and she manages to sort through her problems. Here is to hoping that she can just get over it by herself, but if not I hope this is of some help to you.
     
    #18 thunderseed, Apr 25, 2012
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2012
  19. Dragon_Fire

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    It's nearly a year since the OP visited. I gather he's sorted his issues out one way or another.
     
  20. CreamyJustice

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    thats sad... the closed mouth kisses bother me....just weird