Sex with friends

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by sarah_rslp, Jan 13, 2008.

  1. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2007
    Messages:
    366
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    south of england
    I've always considered friendship at times to be a stronger tie between two people or groups of people than romantic attraction / love. So i don't like refering to sex between two people that are 'just' friends. But in the past I've had sex on a few occassions with friends (both men and women) and I've just found it to be a very different experience than a normal sexual relationship.

    The enviroment I was in at the time actually encouraged you to place your mates above your partner. On the occassions I did have sex with a mate I found it a really good experience, there was no worry about how the other person viewed you, I found myself being able to experiment sexually with someone I was really close to but without the pressure of having to maintain a relationship. In short I suppose I used it as a substitute for masturbation.

    To offer an incident from my own experience, I was slightly drunk one night and chatting with a male friend when we started talking about sex and men being premature. I then bet him that I could make him cum in his trousers (i know it sounds random) which I did manage after a bit of an effort. I just found the whole thing rather funny, strange and different and it was something I did off and on with mates, from then on, although I chose the occassion rather carefully.

    So what about everybody else, any thoughts?
     
  2. ctown75

    ctown75 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2007
    Messages:
    145
    Likes Received:
    2
    The problem you may have sooner or later is that one person might start developing stronger feelings and will want a relationship and if the other person is not into a relationship the friendship might end. If everybody is cool with it then have a good time I guess its like being real good friend fuck buddies.
    I can just imagine pleasurable but sticky cuming in your pants[LOL].
     
  3. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2007
    Messages:
    366
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    south of england
    To be honest I'm not really a fan of the term 'fuck buddies'. I don't actually want to imply that sex between friends is casual sex. There is already strong feeling between friends or should be, there is a intimacy and emotion involved its just different from romantic sex.
     
  4. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2006
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Having lived both in the US & UK I find that both countries emphasize different relationships. In the United States your marriage was more important than your friends, mates. However in the UK your friends, mates, are just important as your spouse. I can see from your experience where you may feel that that friendship may be stronger than love but from my experience I would have to disagree with you.

    Many years ago I had a 'friends with benefits' relationship and my 'other half' wanted to develop the relationship into something else. It lasted for about a year and I found it to be easier to end than a romantic relationship. My feeling as to why it was easier reseted with the fact that I could see the line of demarcation between romantic feelings and feelings of friendship. The feelings that I had were feelings of friendship not anything more and felt that I could not develop romantic feelings for them. Had the bonds of friendshp been stronger than love it is my feeling that I would still be with them today. Instead the experience proved to me that love is stronger than friendship.
     
  5. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    I had lots of sex with friends, but I think in Australia we don't place mateship as highly as the UK. I've had some great sex in fact, partly because it was short-term and a hassle-free opportunity to have some fun with someone I liked and who liked me. There's a lot to be said for sex with friends, or even fuck buddies, as long as one party doesn't expect more than the other is willing to give.

    I admit I fell in love with one of my friends, and I never told her 'cause it would have freaked her out. But I kept seeing her because she was lovely (loveable), and a good lover, keeping my secret to myself.

    From my experience fuck buddies does not imply feelingless sex, it may be casual but that doesn't mean you don't like each other. Indeed the woman I loved started as a fuck buddy, and we became close mates during the course of our relationship.
     
  6. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2007
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    I'm not a fan or a believer in sex with friends. In my mind, there's a line. I just don't think that sexual feelings should be mixed in there, it begs to make things complicated.

    If I'm being brutally honest, the idea of jokingly betting your friends that you can make them come in their pants seems less like a haha buddy joke and more like a ploy for attention.
     
  7. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2007
    Messages:
    366
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    south of england

    Well I did have his undivided attention. I was quite angry when i first read the above, but I suppose i can see how It might give the impression of a needy little attention seeker. I did go to a little effort to explain the context, the enviroment I was in had a little to do with it.

    I get the sense you skipped through much of my posting only picking out the shocking bits for your close attention.I am quite honest about why I do things self deception isn't really an issue with me. I saw it as fun (which it was) sex stripped down to just the bare act like a form of recreation, but with the knowledge that there was a solid relationship with the person you're doing it with.
     
  8. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2007
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA

    To me though, there's a difference between a friend with benefits and betting a pal you can make him orgasm in his pants. Friends with benefits is common, and as I stated above, I definitely wouldn't do it, simply because that sort of situation seems to breed drama, but if you're into it, go ahead.

    However, the other situation is what sits funny with me. I guess I just don't see what the point of making a 'silly' bet like that would be unless it was to prove to yourself that you can be and are sexually attractive to the other sex.
     
  9. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2007
    Messages:
    2,089
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Strawberry Fields
    I find sex buddies to be much more open to experimenting with new things. They're kinkier than most girls that I've dated or had one night stands with.
     
  10. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2007
    Messages:
    366
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    south of england
    I think we're in a danger of having a dialogue of the deaf here. Sure it might have been a bit silly but it was a form of experimenting, it was weird and fun and exciting and he found it the same. Even now it's a fairly good memory, and it stayed between us so I don't see it in as bad a light as you.

    Like I said I'm not a fan of the terms "fuck buddies" or "friends with benefits" which kind of implies a throw away relationship, If you're careful it's a different type of relationship than the norm. Like ninja says it can be an opportunity to experiment with things you wouldn't do normally, and like I said previously all these type of relationships depend very much on the time and place.
     
  11. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2007
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    I'm not sure what that means! :uhh:

    I didn't mean to imply that! I saw that you aren't a fan of the term 'fuck buddies', I wasn't sure on the FWB one.

    I still say: if it works for you, go for it. I get really attached to those I have sex with, so it wouldn't be for me, but to each their own!
     
  12. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,647
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Interesting thread. My wife and I sometimes frolic a bit with a few of our friends, but the shenanigans are pretty harmless stuff (flirting and innuendo, teasing, bump-n-grind dancing, unbuttoning a shirt...those sorts of things) and they're usually done right in front of everyone (my wife and I both kinda get a kick out of the shock factor!)

    I can't recall ever having sex with someone who was a friend first rather than a romantic interest. (A college girlfriend and I had pretty good friendship before we ever banged it out but there was always sexual attraction there...and then we became friends again after we split up, until my next girlfriend kind of forced that friendship out of existence...if I were to go back now, I wouldn't have allowed that to happen.) I've always been hesitant to take any steps in the direction of "friends with benefits", mainly because I hold my close friendships in very high regard. (And tend to associate with people who also hold their close friendships in high regard.) I know the FWB arrangement works for some folks, but I realized long ago that many of my closest friends were a lot like family that I never had (sometimes better than!) and I have historically made the decision to not go there rather than to risk damaging lifelong friendships over temporary carnal gratification.

    In the big picture, I suppose that a close friend of the opposite sex is both the best and worst candidate, right? They're the best candidate because you know their habits, history, and any risks (like STD's, for instance). They are simultaneously the worst candidate because of the risk of potentially damaging the friendship. I guess it's a case-by-case decision that each person has to make on their own, given the situation, eh?

    BD
     
  13. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2007
    Messages:
    366
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    south of england
    Well I get attached to people I have sex with as well :ugh. That was what I was trying to get across there is an attachement and intimacy when friends have sex it's just different from a normal sexual relationship.
     
  14. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2007
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA

    Oh..I see now! Sorry for any miscommunication :eek:
     
  15. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2007
    Messages:
    551
    Likes Received:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wales
    I don't think i would feel comfortable having sex with a friend. I can see the benefits to it, but if i liked them and was attracted to them then i would prefer to be in a relationship with them than for them to be a friend that i also happen to have sex with.
     
  16. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2007
    Messages:
    366
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    south of england
    You know If you're friends with someone I'd already consider it to be a relationship. Like I said before short of being married or deeply in love friendship can often be a far stronger bond than typical m/f sexual relationships. After all sexual relationships come and go strong friendships tend to last.

    Not that I'm saying adding sex to a friendship is a good idea I'm just talking about how friendship can be affected. For me in the past when I wasn't in a relationship and was horny i occassionally had sex with mates both male and female. I didn't really consider it a big deal. But that's not to say that just because I treated the act quite casually i was casual about the friendship.
     
  17. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2007
    Messages:
    551
    Likes Received:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wales
    I guess that is what i would have difficulty with, the casual aspect to it. I don't think that i could separate the sex from the friendship, i think for me the friendship could be detrimentally affected by having casual sex with them, so its a boundary i think i would rather not cross.
    But then i also don't have many close friends so its a difficult situation for me to relate to anyway. Maybe i would act differently if the opportunity arose.
     
  18. Goldenlion

    Goldenlion Banned

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2007
    Messages:
    113
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Liverpool
    Friendship stronger then "true love" ? ...... lawf

    im against outer relationship casual sex. I find it immoral and wrong.
     
  19. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2007
    Messages:
    366
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    south of england
    I never said it was stronger that 'true love' (a romantic wonderful) simply that it was stronger than many sexual relationships. As for your little morality lecture I couldn't work out what you consider to be 'outer relationships' perhaps you were implying casual sex, which again if you read my previous posts you'll see that I don't consider sex between friends to be.
     
  20. boringsafetyguy

    boringsafetyguy New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2007
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Actually, with regards to morality, I wonder what people who read but don't post think.
    Are there a lot of fundamentalists reading this from their repressed rec rooms, unable to resist the curiosity, but thinking,
    "tsk, tsk. the immorality of our age." ?

    I would say, it depends what you mean by friends.

    You can only act without hindsight. You don't know if you will endanger the friendship or not, down the road.

    But you know, friendships can be endangered by many things.
    And most of them don't last anyway, or are just about getting along pleasantly with people you have to see often, anyway.
    Sex is not the only catalyst for the collapse of a friendship. Nor is it necessarily one at all.

    Our expectations and attitude toward it is also formed by our culture, I don't believe there is an absolute answer.
    (Also, I've never done it, so I can only speak in the abstract.)

    I think there is TOO MUCH emphasis placed on the value of friends today. As if raw sex weren't a spiritually uplifting, enlightening experience. As if only platonic relations have inspirational value.
    It's a pretty anti sex, prudish philosophical position. (haha, a "philosophy" based on prudery.)
    Sex can make a friendship more interesting. Even if it's only a one time deal, it's an interesting experience, and another way of relating to a person.

    On the other hand, I don't know if or how much of the American sitcom "friends" you ever saw in Britain. But that thing was very popular with my generation. All these friends mixing up sex and friendship. To the point that nothing was sexy. It was all really really bad sex. All guilt and googie niceness.
    They were like these rats forced to live next door to each other since childhood through adulthood, and sex was just another way of being "good", or of fulfilling some expectation, since they were all destined for each other and could never pull off a successful hump with a newfound stranger. It would always fizzle. But that's okay because they were "friends forever". Ugh!
    And the whole world in that show (all the community outside their incestuous little menage-a-six) seemed to be composed also of "splinter cells" of adults too scared of sex to do anything but say goodbye and go back to where they came from, returning to the safety of their own friends to have the same kind of lame weepy sex as the main "friends" were having.


    That is one hot bet, though.
    I don't mean to pry, but if there's anywhere else I can get away with such an invasive question, tell me to go there, and give me directions:
    How did you make him "cum" in his trousers? I mean, was it just rubbing over the trousers, or did you put on a whole act?
     
    #20 boringsafetyguy, Jan 18, 2008
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2008