Sex OutSide A Relationship

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Howie_t, May 12, 2006.

  1. Howie_t

    Howie_t New Member

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    Just would like to know,Have anyone here ever went out side of a relationship because of not having their sexual needs met in the one you are in?
     
  2. gurlcat

    gurlcat New Member

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    no. if my needs were not being met, i would exit the relationship before exploring sex with anyone else. that way, i could begin anew and clean. i could find what i really need, and my significant other could do the same, with dignity and without the hurt and shame of being cheated on.

    even if your sig. other never knows about your cheating, YOU would know, and it would gradually cause problems you can't even foresee.
     
  3. Howie_t

    Howie_t New Member

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    gurlcat,

    I'm not doing anything like that right now,which I'm not planning on.
     
  4. gurlcat

    gurlcat New Member

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    aw, you don't have to tell me. i was just stating my opinion, which tends to lean toward the restrained and cautious, if you hadn't noticed before. things like sex, power and money are such potentially wonderful and terrible things. the trickiest part is when we attempt to share them, which is ironic.
     
  5. Logger

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    Dear Howie T,

    If someone is not getting enough sex in the relationship, I would suggest looking in the Foreplay section, and find more effective patterns of increasing arousal in their partner. What blocks are being encountered?

    What is not working?

    What is working?

    When are things not working?

    When are things working?

    What have you tired? At what stage?

    What is still left to try? At what stage?
     
  6. Joe

    Joe
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    Yeah, I did. My first marriage was without any intimacy, including sex, for its final 15 years. At the 14-year-point I told my (ex)wife that I'd give her one more year to change or seek counseling or medical help. She didn't, and when the year was up, I had a one-night fling. A couple months later I filed for divorce and had another fling. The only thing I regret is that I waited so long to divorce her.
     
  7. Howie_t

    Howie_t New Member

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    gurlcat,

    I knew you were.I was just letting you know.
     
  8. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    This is something I do not advocate. The reason being you are creating more problems than trying to work things out.
     
  9. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Yeah, with all due respect to those who decide to have affairs outside of marriage for whatever reasons, I nevertheless have known of many times when, like gurlcat suggested above, people having sex outside of marriage created many problems for themselves and for their spouses than they would have imagined. My feeling has always been "if you are in a marriage, remain faithful to your spouse and if you just cannot or won't do that, get out of the marriage before having sex with someone else and do not interfere with anyone else's marriage for any reason". My wife has always had a lower sex drive than me and has always been faithful to me. My sex drive has been much higher than my wife's and, so, when I have felt the need when she just was too tired or not interested, I secretly masturbated (thinking of her) to protect her feelings. Some may feel that is silly, I call it LOVE and RESPECT for my wife. There are some people who would say that I am being unfaithful to my wife when masturbating, however, I would have to disagree. Also, marriage and life are about more than sex. Sometimes I worry about people for whom sex is the be all and end all to life. Sex IS wonderful, however, it is NOT what life is totally about.
     
  10. shykitty

    shykitty New Member

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    I don't like cheating per say but I was in a sexless marriage for about 7 years. He knew how I felt and i was completely honest with him (which maybe isnt always the best thing). We tried for a long time to make sex interesting where we both liked it, but our differences in that aspect of our relationship were totally off. I enjoyed spending time with him, talking to him but any type of physical activity made me cringe.

    Eventually I told him I was interested in someone else and left. He saw it coming so wasn't too upset. I was still married when I decided to get a b/f I think I should of got the divorce first but things don't always happen the way they should. During that entire process I was open and honest with all parties involved and I didn't hide behind any lies.

    Granted my marriage pretty much started off him giving me permission to go have sex with my ex, and other eccentric activities so I would say it wasn't like an average marriage (whatever that may be).

    I would agree with everyone here and cheating isn't the way to go.
     
  11. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    How is the rest of your relationship going? Is the sex the only part that's not working?
     
  12. MysticKev

    MysticKev New Member

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    yup, and to be honest, it freaking ruined each relationship, but I've also gottne away with it as well...Usually if my needs aren't being met I leave the relationship...
     
  13. MansonsSlave

    MansonsSlave New Member

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    unfortunatley I have in the past..I felt really guilty about it and I won't ever do it again
     
  14. PhoenixRose

    PhoenixRose New Member

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    I did once but we broke up for awhile and then we got back together. But we were still seeing each other as friends. That time apart when we weren't together as bf/gf sucked. :(
     
  15. Bella

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    No, I can't say that I have ever done this.
    I would feel too guilty or so I think.
    I have brought another person in for us to share, but that is another subject of discussion...:p
    ~Bella
     
  16. PhoenixRose

    PhoenixRose New Member

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    I did that in a previous relationship. WOW!!! Talk about amazing. I am not sure I want to do that with my current beau. :brow I want him all to :dgrin :drool myself.
     
  17. Bella

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    Well, mine knew I had a girlfriend when we started dating. :brow
    It isn't something we do all the time, but I do love women as much as I do men!
    And it adds spice to our relationship! :p
    ~Bella
     
  18. PhoenixRose

    PhoenixRose New Member

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    Very true. I just don't think I'd have the nerve to do it again. Plus, I do not want to share my beau with anyone else if I did ever mention it to him. :brow :lol Wait.... I said that already. Oh well.... I am tired.
     
  19. Bella

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    I guess that is another reason to be a "sex junkie"!! :lol
    I don't mind sharing at all! We love each other too much to let anything like that ever come between us. Not saying that it can't happen, but I think our relationship is deeper than most couples these days.
    ~Bella
     
  20. PhoenixRose

    PhoenixRose New Member

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    I am not worried about him wanting to try it more often. I am worried that I may not want to give it up. :lol That is why I like dating older men. Plus,they have the stanamia (sp?).:drool :brow :dgrin