Sex Life with Kids at Home?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by McGumby, Oct 29, 2011.

  1. McGumby

    McGumby New Member

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    DW and I have two teenage sons. We have a big house and our bedroom is at the opposite end from theirs, but that doesn't work well anymore. They stay up late and are worldly enough to recognize when we are doing it. We both feel that them knowing we are in love and that we have sex is normal and healthy, but we still don't want to be heard if we can help it. Assuming is one thing, but hearing mom and dad going for it is quite another.

    We still are able to have sex, but it's in the dark, quiet and stealthy. Neither of us are comfortable dressing up, getting kinky, playing with toys to much of an extent while they are wandering the house, even with our door locked. Even if we do we can hardly express ourselves the way we really want and god forbid one of them catches us:ugh

    I guess we are looking for ideas. What do you do? We go on dates and we've taken "drives" in the evenings. Not the same. We want out house back!:lol When they were young and asleep at 9:00 pm we could pull out the lingerie and toys, go a little nuts. When they were really young we could even use the living room. No we feel like we are the teenagers, sneaking around, having sex in the car, humping quietly in the bed hoping we aren't heard.

    Worse yet is we live in the country an hour from any serious night life (niteclubs, bars, strip bars, etc.) They aren't old enough to be left alone over night for a couple more years. Any ideas would be welcome. We make due and soon enough they will be gone and we can have our freedom back. But in the mean time we're looking for ideas on how to cope.
     
  2. pbs

    pbs
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    Isn't that part of the price you have to pay for having kids? Finding "sitters" and taking vacations away from them might be a way you could be alone. Also, don't forget, if you leave them alone in the house, they are curious and may find your toys.
     
  3. McGumby

    McGumby New Member

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    Yeah sure, but millions of couples have kids. Someone had to have figured out a way, right?:D Maybe I'm delusional.

    Locking and hiding our toys, lingerie, costumes, etc. is on the to do list before we let them stay home alone for any length of time. Right now we both work from home, so they have little opportunity.
     
  4. cbrmale

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    We have two older teenage children, and our house has the bedroom & sitting room and one end, and the kitchen, family room and other bedrooms at the other end. From a very young age we made it clear that if the door is closed, they stay out. They are also aware that their mother and father love each other, and an aspect of that love is sex. In Australia, children have school sex education at about 11, so that's about when they realised that we were having sex a few times a week.

    We use the lounge as an extension of our bedroom, and we do the things normal couples do regardless of if they are in the house or not. They certainly know we are having sex, the door to the sitting room is closed, and they may hear us too. That's not been traumatic, given they know about sex and given my daughter is sexually active with her boyfriend, although she knew and heard us well before said boyfriend, probably when she was as young as the OPs children. Any costumes and toys are in my bottom drawer.

    Recently we were having sex in the sitting room and my son decided to enter the house through the front door. He saw a lot of us! Later, I suggested to him that he not do that again.

    I think the issue is less about teenage children and sex and more about the mindset that sex is dirty and unmentionable, which permeates Anglo society. Sex is natural, loving, healthy and delightful, and when we're middle-aged we should be over negative attitudes towards sex. Our children should also be aware that sex is natural, loving, healthy and delightful, not a dirty little secret. If so, then they're less likely to be sexually hung-up.
     
  5. Black_Magic83

    Black_Magic83 Member

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    I agree with you wholeheartedly PBS. This is the reason why we do not want children because you have to keep the noise down, do it at a set time, forget about role playing and dressing up adventure and creativity, get sitters, hope the kids go out for the night or for a couple of hours during the day, creep around just to have a HALF fulfilling sex life etc. Sex is out the window when you have kids. I have heard from many men say that they aint getting any when they have kids. Either party will be too tired/not in the mood/stressed etc.. All those things are cock blocks. Then sex becomes a chore and you cannot really enjoy it because you dont want to be heard and have awkward moments at the breakfast table the next morning! Sponteneous sex is out of the window when you have sired children. Unless you spend money on a hotel room - then you can be as spontaneous as you want until you check out! ;)

    Sex is very important to me, we have high sex drives, it is on my mind alot and if anything gets in the way of me getting mine, I will be annoyed and angry... I dont know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe I have too much testosterone!

    You have to do what my parents did, count down the days until they were empty nesters!!!

    It is like having a lovely, succulent chocolate cake right in front of you and you have to eat it quickly before anyone else sees it.

    People have said I am selfish for not wanting children. But I have finally found someone who I am sexually compatible with (been together for 3 years and we have sex on average 6 times a week, no kids and there is alot of passion and chemistry between us... still) I would hate to have children because society expects me to because I am a woman and then 15 years later or so, I am resentful because I should be at my sexual peak and my sex life is down the pan beacuse the kids will not give us any space.

    There are many other reasons why I do not want children, but I thought it would be most appropriate to mention this as it is a sexual forum.

    I have read and seen many couples, mainly the men, who feel unfulfilled, neglected, unsatisfied - I feel sorry for them to be honest!


    Just my opinion.
     
    #5 Black_Magic83, Oct 29, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2011
  6. McGumby

    McGumby New Member

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    Totally agree. We don't try an hide the fact that we have sex and I'm sure the boys have heard. We are very frank with them about sex. On the other hand, having vanilla, but pleasurable, sex is one thing. Having kinky sex with all the accoutrements is another. If we can do it without making to much of a rucus, fine, but otherwise that's TMI for the kids. They do know not to come in the room, but teenagers are, well teenagers.

    In my opinion, we should be open about sex with them, but that its up the them to discover the more colorful aspects by themselves.

    You're selfish if you have kids and don't really want them. We wanted them and we still do. However, there isn't a parent who is being honest with themselves that doesn't occasionally wonder if they made the right decision. Nobody tells you about most of the downsides, like making sex difficult. As long as your decision make you happy, you did the right thing.

    I was talking about this with my wife and I mentioned some friends posted a tasteful, but erotic, photo in sexy Halloween costumes on Facebook. It was all staged and really pretty cool. This was in a private group so no concerns about kids seeing and all that. Their kids are out of the house. I told my wife that kids finally leaving the house must be one of the most sexually liberating experiences in one's life.
     
  7. Black_Magic83

    Black_Magic83 Member

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    I am glad you see my way of thinking. I do agree, it is more selfish to have kids when you do not really want them.

    I agree, the kids leaving the house leads to great sex!
     
  8. cbrmale

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    Given we do what we do and have done for many years, I don't think our children leaving home will make much difference, although much of that is due to the layout of our house. It is in three zones, with our bedroom, ensuite, sitting room and formal dining room segregated from the kitchen, family room and other bedrooms (2 childrens room and a study). The third zone is a huge rumpus room downstairs, which adds to the privacy which we enjoy, and also adds to the enjoyment of our children who use it to entertain their friends. We have always had houses with separate children's recreation areas, and I couldn't imagine a life any other way.

    I have been to the UK a few times and I know typical British house is much smaller than in Austeralia, and doesn't have much in the way of spaciousness or privacy! When I stayed with my sister-in-law in London we had to be discreet, and it was bliss to move onto the apartment I booked in Paris, and the apartments in the other cities we visited at that time. I do understand Black Magic's problem, and I also agree that if you aren't into children, then you shouldn't really take on a lifetime committment.
     
  9. boobjob

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    My wife and I feel the same way. Despite some forays with public sex when we weere youngerwe feel sex should be kept private. Afterall, it is a highly intimare act. Sometimes we fit it in between when they leave for school and we go to work. Occaisional weekends away while they stay with someone. We are also partial to weekend mornings when, being teenage boys, they are sleeping. And hey there is noting wrong with a muffled slow quiet screw either. And showers are great fun.
     
  10. McGumby

    McGumby New Member

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    Great if true! I'd think most of us are probably inhibited in some way. DW and I would love to walk around the house naked, for instance. Not possible now. I suppose it depends on what you consider normal sexually and how you like to go about it. Some couples, like us, prefer doing things that just aren't easily done with teenagers in the house.
     
  11. Alwayslearningsex

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    Babysitter / relative taking the kids out overnight,
    or they look after the kids at home, you get a motel occasionally, and last
    Take a day off here and there when the kids are in school. As soon as they leave the clothes leave your bodies type thing.
     
  12. McGumby

    McGumby New Member

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    All good ideas. We used to take advantage of my mom and dad (divorced) who would take the kids overnight about once a month or so. Sometimes we'd just stay at home and enjoy the peace and quiet, other we'd rent porn and have a wild night of sex. Sometimes we'd go to town and hit a strip club or just go out to a lounge, whatever.

    The kids have so much going on now that those opportunities are few and far between, not to mention they aren't as interested in hanging out with grandma or grandpa. A few years a go we had all kinds of opportunities. In a couple of years one will be driving and the other will be close and we can leave them alone. I guess we are in a transitional period. I don't like it.
     
  13. Alwayslearningsex

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    This will pass, it may feel like forever but keep working at keeping it alive.
     
  14. luvbug

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    My daughter is 17. We shut our bedroom door and we either have the tv or radio on and a fan on. It helps she is either on her computer or has her IPOD on...or both....so she usually has earbuds in.lol
     
  15. McGumby

    McGumby New Member

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    We use the dishwasher. Our nice one died and we could only afford a cheap one which is really loud. We make the kids turn it on right before everyone goes to bed. That works. So does watching TV in the main room while the boys are in the other room watching TV. It only works in the winter when the house is cold. We snuggle under a blanket and all kinds of mischief has ensured, including all but full nudity.
     
  16. HUMBLELOVE

    HUMBLELOVE Member

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    We have a fan that we run everynight it muffles the magic wand and my grunts, I am louder than my wife... sometime she laughs when I cum because I am pretty loud.
     
  17. backcheck64

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    My 14 and 13 yr olds are plugged in constantly. Either zoned on PS3 or Ipods going....and my daughter is always on her phone. Even when they are on their Kindles, they are plugged in.

    We have a dishwasher you have to touch to tell if it's running. Unbelievealby quiet. Our kids know we do it, but they don't bother us. It does get harder the later they stay up, we used to put them in their rooms at 9pm and have the run of the house. Now we keep to our room but make noise if we so desire.
     
  18. McGumby

    McGumby New Member

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    We make noise as well, but not like we would otherwise. I'm sure they know. It's not like we don't have sex at all. But even so, there's still stuff you just can't do with them lurking around. I can't tell you how many times we've thought they were asleep or they've been in their bedrooms playing games or watching a movie and we have a little fun and then suddenly the kitchen light pops on right outside out door and we go into sniper mode.
     
  19. kell260

    kell260 New Member

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    When I was a teen every kid I knew talked about there parents having sex. We always knew when our parents were having sex because they had a lock on the door. I can even think of one time they forgot to lock it and I walked in on them. My father wasn't too happy with me but we just didn't talk about it. I remember going though my some drawer and finding a vibrator was thinking what the heck that was used for. A kid from down the street saw his dad on top of his mom he explained to his kid what he was doing. He told every kid in the neighborhood. No one was traumatized it was all normal we used to joke how our parents only had sex one time for each kid because would be like saying how gross it was to even think about your parents having sex.