sex life disappearing

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by joeart, Aug 15, 2007.

  1. joeart

    joeart New Member

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    Hi there, I (we) have a problem.

    My girlfriend and I have been dating for two and a half years now. We live together and we love each other very much. We spent one year dating long distance, so being together in person and living together makes life that much more wonderful. We support and believe in each other, and we both trust each other with all of our hearts. We have never fought to the point where one of us has to leave the other for some time.

    Now that you know how our love life is, I can get to my (our) problem.

    Our sex life has always been good - no, amazing - and healthy. When we first started visiting each other (six months in to our relationship) we had sex on a daily basis. After we'd been seeing each other for a while, we stopped acting like horny dogs and mellowed out to a more "healthy" level (once a night, every other night, etc). But as of lately, our sex life has been vanishing. Over the past six months we have gradually stopped. When it first started slowing down, when we did have sex it didn't seem like she was enjoying it as much as she used to. She doesn't want to do things anymore that she used to say were hot, and huge turn-ons for her, one for example was giving me head; she used to love giving me head - now she claims she doesn't really like it anymore. Our sex has slowed down so much that we do it about once every six days, and when we do it doesn't seem like she enjoys it. There's no more sexually spontaneity in our relationship... we don't do it during the day; always at night in the sac.

    Last night she told me that she doesn't really like sex anymore at all. So I am being a good partner and respecting her wants and needs, but I'm still trying to figure out what happened.

    Any advice is much appreciated.

    Thanks.

    -Joe
     
  2. joeart

    joeart New Member

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    ps.

    When I mention this problem to her, she gets furious. When I tell her that I feel neglected or rejected, she gets furious. It's like she expects me to never want sex again after the amazing sex life we used to have.

    Just that I should throw that in.
     
  3. xplodez

    xplodez New Member

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    dude, if thats as big of a problem as it would be for me, DO NOT take any gruff from her at all.. You say what you need to say, relationships are give and take, if shes going to just take take take, and expect you to be okay with no sex, hey if your okay with that then thats good, but i would make sure your side of the issue is heard, if she does not respect that i dont see any other option other than breaking it off.. Is she depressed? Anxiety? on any medicines that could be causing this.. or is she getting into that comfort mode that some women get into.. The whole, i already have him so i dont need to keep him with me with sex type of thing.. if she does have that i apologize but you will end up dissapointed.
     
  4. Bluesy

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    Is she on any medication, or taking BC pills, that could be interefering with her sex drive? She could be suffering from a hormonal imbalance, and there are other possible medical explanations. Is she at all concerned about her loss of libido? If she isn't interested in exploring various causes and getting things back on-track, I would have to say there's a good possibility that it's a relationship issue.

    Btw, once a week is average for couples in long-term relationships. I could never be satisfied with that piddling amount of sex, but I'm just saying.
     
  5. cbrmale

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    Once a week sex is average for all adults, which includes adults who are not in relationships and therefore not getting regular sex. For long-term relationships, the average is between two and three times per week.

    I think a sex life can be a barometer, and maybe your partner is feeling unsatisified with more than just the sexual aspects of your relationship. Don't take your partner for granted, and make sure she knows without question that you love her and she is very special to you. Maybe you can take this one step further, because there is no doubt that sex and love are closely intertwined, and when we love someone we want to have sex with that special person.

    Communication is the key: make sure that you are positive when you communicate with your partner about both your feelings towards her, how a good sex life fits into your perspective of your relationship (as it does for most men) and how special it is for you to share a good sex life with your girlfirend.

    To some extent, we men are different. Men to equate love and sex, so when someone shares sex with us we feel loved. Converesely, when they don't willingly share sex with us, we feel, to an extent, unloved. Some, maybe many, women, don't really understand this part of masculinity. Such feelings are neither good or bad, just different. The other thing that makes men different is that we often don't communicate our deepest fears, longings and desires terribly well. If you can put both of these together, perhaps your partner will gain a better understanding of you as a man.
     
  6. cook74

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    Joeart, you just described my relationship, but we don't have sex as often as every six days. Once the frequency started to decrease it just kept on decreasing.

    I don't want to give you advice about sex, because I'm lost as well, what I can say though is, if you really love someone you can find the answers/solutions to your problems together. You need to do this together!

    (BTW, When you do find a solution, can you PM me, cause my shit ain't working:lol)
     
  7. Joe

    Joe
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    A person's libido can literally vanish for various physical and emotional reasons, but in my opinion, if yours vanishes and you don't see it as a problem for your relationship and want to fix it, you're not good relationship material. Your gf should see her doctor about it. It could be caused by many things, but if she isn't interested in finding the cure and gets angry when the problem is mentioned, she's selfish/self-centered. THAT is not so easy to fix and will be a long-term relationship problem whether her libido returns or not.
     
  8. Silent22

    Silent22 New Member

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    Man, when you have sex do you get on top? Like you did when you first met her? From behind? her on top and so on?! if you answer yes to any of these, do the following......

    TRY SOMETHING NEW! Spice shit up is my oppinion, take her dancin sometime. Get her latino food, bathe her, take her to a spa! Buy a few toys for the bedroom, sex games, fetishes? Fantisies if you can handle the out comes. Honestly there is something that someone has never done, sex is a non ending experience.. And the same old does get boring after a while as we all know. There are books and so on I can go on for days. Any of my suggestions would be great. Exact same thing happened to me, and I brought a few toys home and cured it up. May not work for everyone though :S
     
  9. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Men and women see sex differently; it meets different needs in the different genders. Perhaps now that she knows she can count on the sex, because you are closer in proximity, she wants to (NEEDS TO) know she can count on the emotional connection you seemed to share while apart. There had to be a connection and a trust present to keep you both happy while waiting. It takes time and effort to find the balance. Do you remind her that you waited for HER, not just sex with her? It seems quite reasonable that psychologically she is wondering how your distant relationship and your close relationship will come together to form what NOW means. Be patient. Be understanding. It'll be worth it.
     
  10. cbrmale

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    Libido is one thing, and a high sex-drive helps, but very few men and women who live together have identical sexual frequencies.

    In many close and sexually satisfying relationships, it is obvious that one is making an effort to sexually satisfy the natural drive of the other, regardless of whether they feel horny or not. This is a sign (but not the only sign) of a good relationship. That is one partner isn't achingly desiring sex, but still shares sex because he or she knows her partner wants it. But the partner who makes the effort cannot do so unless they feel love for their partner, and understand their partners desires.

    Sharing love and initiating communication will not automatically solve these problems, but it is something to try. If sex remains a problem after trying to restore love and open communcation, in my opinion the relationship is probably broken.
     
  11. sexyvixen4

    sexyvixen4 New Member

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    Well first of all its normal to have a slow down in a relationship. The first few months is like the "honeymoon" part of your relationship where you're always looking to push the boundries or get to know each other on a physical basis before you get to a more deeper level in your relationship, thats how most relationships are nowadays.

    So advice? change things up a little bit. But definantly stick with things she absolutetly loves, and arouse her more. After that honeymoon phase it will take longer for her to become fully aroused. so more foreplay. If she isn't aroused enough she wont like it as much as she used to and start and it will be in the back of her mind when she sees you, which dont get me wrong, isnt your fault it is COMPLETELY normal for her to feel that way. Also check out a few Cosmos! (the magazine, cosmopolitan) yes it's a girly mag but tons of sex tips and ways to get things going again and its definitely not just for girls. otherwise check them out online. they even have different sex positions that will max out her pleasure! you'll be surprised how many guys actually read that!

    Also, if you wanted to start bringing in toys or games, bring a very mild game in like sex dice. That should definintly jump start things again.
     
  12. joeart

    joeart New Member

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    Thanks so much for all the kind replies. I'm going to take a piece of everyone's advice and see what I can do.

    Again, thank you for being there!
     
  13. Silent22

    Silent22 New Member

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    Anything for a mutal SF member :p
     
  14. CrazyCC

    CrazyCC New Member

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    There could be alot of reasons why she doesnt like sex. its true what ppl are saying the birth control pill and even other medications can make ur libido low. try being very romantic and showing her u care for her. hmmmm maybe she is stressd about something or maybe she has alot to deal with. The worst cause scenerio is she is getting it from elsewhere or she is pleasuring herSElf. The only way to find out is talking to her and telling her what u think etc etc and ask her why she doesnt want to have sex and ask her has anything stopped her from wanting sex etc
     
  15. austintx

    austintx New Member

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    "We support and believe in each other, and we both trust each other with all of our hearts."

    See if she is serious about the relationship and ask her to marry you. Your living together which means neither of you have made any type of committment to one another. You'll find out real quick then.
     
  16. ~emm~

    ~emm~ New Member

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    umm... i really dont know what to say. is the the same position every single time? if it is, go without it for a while then REALLY surprise her. idk "walk in on her" while shes in the shower. 1 step at a time, kiss, huggle for a bit, exchange words. then see if she wants it? spice it up a bit, as someone said